


Shadow of Him

by GalaxiesandStars



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-22 19:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 43,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17668427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxiesandStars/pseuds/GalaxiesandStars
Summary: When a patient's relative claims to recognise John from somewhere else, his professional and personal lives collide. As secrets are revealed, grievances aired and old faces return, John must protect everything he hold dear. But is it too late?





	1. Chapter 1

He awoke in a cold sweat, heart on the verge of bursting, the pillow drenched.  
Paralysed with fear, his eyes darted around the room. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he felt someone’s gaze on him, watching his every move.

Waiting to catch him out.

Another nightmare.  
This was the fourth one this week.

He sighed, contented with the fact that nothing was watching him. It was a result of his imagination.  
Wearily, he turned his head to the alarm.

6:30am.

He dreaded it.  
Last night, Abigail decided that a board meeting would be held early the next day, 8:00 am sharp.  
He might as well get up.  
Compared to him, his fellow consultants were no more than puppets to be manipulated; to be bent to his will. No-one could hold up to his standards, his level. He was legendary in the medical world. They are all novices. No mere doctor would ever have his expertise. The board’s opinion didn’t matter to him. He was the Medical Director.

He could do what he pleased, and no one would question him.

He dragged himself from the sheets and pulled the curtains wide. The sun bathing him in its glow.

Hmm.  
It would take more than that to melt his heart.

His room was basic; nothing fancy. It didn’t suit him. Everything was in its rightful place. He had Henrik to thank for that.  
A wardrobe, oak with intricate mahogany veneer decorated throughout, fitted snugly in the corner.  
He pulled the doors open. All suits were tailored to his fit.  
Sharp, clean cut.  
Everything was colour coordinated; simple but effective.  
He eyed up the suits one by one, giving them a through inspection.  
Eventually, one caught his eye. He examined it to see if anything was out of place. When satisfied, he proceeded to put it on.

Casually walking down the stairs, he detected a faint smell in the air; a concoction of warm vanilla and chocolate.  
Roxanna had been cooking again.  
He lifted his briefcase out of its resting place.  
The files he was searching for were on the table top. He placed the briefcase on the chair, out of sight.  
Adjacent to him was a plate of a warm, soft, decadent pile of pancakes, oozing with chocolate syrup dripping down the side.  
Beside it was a note:  
_**‘Don’t be late, Abigail expects you there.’**_  
_**R. x**_  
He glanced at the clock.

7:15am.  
It would take as long as he wanted.  
Reports on the radio indicated that the traffic was in chaos. He would be late anyway.  
After devouring Roxanna’s sumptuous pancakes, he paced towards the doorway, getting his coat. He noticed something from the corner of his eye.  
Of course, how could he forget that.

A small suitcase stood still to attention. On it, a ticket to Morocco, leaving in the afternoon.  
If Abigail wanted him for anything, she would be sorely disappointed.  
He tucked the ticket into his breast pocket. He hauled the briefcase and suitcase to the car and locked the door.  
Today was the day that he would meet Patient 3.

……  
She did not stop talking.

The meeting was only halfway through and she hadn’t even paused once.  
This, of course, was the CEO who, reflecting her inexperience in the role, had been reading off a piece of paper filled with complaints, suggestions, targets for each department etc and not engaging with other members.  
His eyes began to droop; a sign of boredom.  
He looked around at his fellow colleagues, only to find blank expressions greeting him. He noticed Sacha nodding off a few times  
This day couldn’t get any worse.

…..

Roxanna noticed something amiss in John’s behaviour. He was lost in thought most of the time and was dismissing concerns as if they were nothing. He paged her to provide a consult on a patient that he knew had neurological damage but wasn’t sure where.  
The patient was a young 16- year – old boy, Adam. The gown accentuated his slim frame; it fitted him perfectly. He was average build, 5ft 8. His hair was contaminated by the blood, which was seeping out of the wound to his head, but a young nurse soon put that to bed. His icy stare panned the hospital and its workers. He had been here for an hour. Of course, he realised that consultants do have other patients, but surely it shouldn’t be taking this long. Lacerations were emblazoned on his pale skin, pale because of the shock. His arm, captured in a sling, laid against his body.  
He tried to relax himself but the thought of being paralysed scared him. As his head rested on the pillow, relieving the stress on his body, he started to recall the events that led to him being here.

It was the end of exams. The summer sun was blazing down, inflicting scorching heat on the bodies of man. Adam, his four mates and a couple of their girlfriends, were messing about on the roof of an abandoned building. They were celebrating. All thoughts turned to the future and the chance of seeing each other again. Adam’s dream was to be a copper. In his neighbourhood, crime was endless. It left people in fear for their lives, shutting themselves away, being recluses that would eventually be forgotten by society. He wanted to make a change. He sent off an application to work for the Met. It would mean being away from his mother, who did so much for him and his brother that no presents and gifts would ever repaid that. She loved her boys and they loved her as much as life itself.  
Sadly, the celebration turned sour when one of the lads picked a fight with him as he was flirting with the lad’s girlfriend. It was just harmless fun; a bit of banter. The lad shoved him through the glass ceiling, causing cuts to his face and head, a broken arm and a few cracked ribs.  
He was lucky to be alive.

  
When the paramedics came, his friends scarpered. Some friends they were. When asked if he could feel anything, he said no.  
He was happy to be here, for his mum’s sake. As for going into the police, it was over, his childhood dream.  
Gone.  
He was streetwise, knowing to keep his head down when confronted. He would fight back if he needed to, to protect loved ones and friends. He was misunderstood but he was a good kid. He had a vulnerable side, a side that no-one knew except his mum, due to his father leaving when he was 12.  
A noise brought him back to reality. Alongside him stood a petite, feminine figure. Her cropped blonde hair reflected the sun’s rays. She was dressed elegantly for a woman of her age. She wore a gorgeous baby blue blouse with hints of pink flowers appearing here and there. A long deep brown skirt was caressing her hips, fitting it with her shape. Adam thought that she was a dream.  
**“Look, I told ya. I’m alright”**  
**“We both know that’s not the case, Adam.”**  
Roxanna spoke with a stern tone, showing that she was in no mood to be made a fool of. But deep down, her heart went out to him. She knew that this wasn’t his fault.  
**“Is he alright?”**  
Adam said, indicating towards John.  
**“He’s fine. He’s just going through your notes.”**  
**“He’s been like that for the past half hour.”**  
She could see that Adam was getting restless. He made a good point. It didn’t take John this long to reach a decision. Adam wanted to know where he stood. She couldn’t blame him.

  
She was getting frustrated. John went through Adam’s notes numerous times and spoke not a word. She went over to him to find out.  
**“John?”**  
No reply.  
**“John?”**  
She proclaimed loudly, in the hope that he would hear her.  
**“Hmm?”**  
John glanced sideways to see Roxanna, staring at him, expecting an answer.  
**“Have you found out what caused this?”**  
 **“I have a few theories.”**  
“ **Let’s hear it.”**  
**“It is possible that it can be one of two things. Firstly, it could be a spinal infection and, secondly, it could be damage to the nervous system. It’s hard to tell. We need to run some tests. Could you book him for an MRI scan, please?”**  
**“Of course.”**  
Adam’s words resounded throughout her mind. She knew that John never talked about how he felt. But she had to know what, if anything, was troubling him.  
**“John, are you alright?”**  
**“Well, aside from my brain cells starting to recover after enduring this morning’s meeting, I’m fine.”**  
**“Are you sure?”**  
_Shut up, Roxanna._  
“ **I’m fine. Come, we will run the procedure past him.”**  
**“Excuse me?”**

  
Both looked up. In their line of sight was an older man, early to mid-20s. His presence carried the scent of arrogance, dominance and impatience. The man was smartly dressed. By the looks of him, the suits didn’t come cheap. An expensive 24-carat gold watch was clasped to his wrist. He had done very well for himself.  
He kept a clean appearance. His raven-black hair was tamed with a bit of gel. He was around 6ft 3, of muscular build. He took extreme pride in his appearance, desiring to keep a toned physique, both to impress the ladies and to inflate his ever-growing ego. His emerald eyes scanned John and Roxanna, who witnessed a smirk drawing across his lips.  
Roxanna didn’t like this one bit. There was something about him that she feared.  
**“Who are you?”**  
She questioned. She put on a brave face, but inside, she was shaking like a leaf.  
The man looked shocked.  
**“Surely, you must have heard of me?”**  
The man replied, in disbelief. How could this old bag not have recognised him? He was insulted.  
**“I’m sorry, but I haven’t.”**  
**“And what about you?”**  
He asked, diverting his gaze towards John.  
John studied the man, like he would a cell sample. As the man edged closer, John felt the hairs on his neck stand on end.  
This man was trouble. He could feel it.  
**“Don’t I know you?”**  
Questioned the man, catching John unaware.  
**“My name is Professor John Gaskell. I’m a neurosurgeon.”**  
**“I’ve seen you somewhere before.”**  
**“I can assure you, you haven’t.”**  
Desperate to avoid the man’s impertinent questioning, John turned his back and prepared himself to talk to Adam about his options.  
**“Do you know this man?”**  
John was intrigued to know why the man was here.  
“ **He’s my older brother. Alex, his name is. He’s been helping Mum and me.”**

John understood. Adam came from a broken home. His father was the breadwinner of the family. He loved his family. Then one day, without reason or explanation, he left and never came back. Had it not been for Alex, Adam and his mum would have been on the streets.  
**“That’s it!”**  
They turned, vaguely interested in what Alex was about to say.  
**“You were from St Helena’s, weren’t you?”**  
John’s eyes widened. He felt a sharp pain in his heart. After all these years, he had forgotten about it. Closed it away from his thoughts. Until now, thanks to the arrogant prick mentioning it.  
He couldn’t believe it. He thought he had finally escaped from it.  
**“I’m sorry, you must have me confused with someone else.”**  
With that, John left abruptly.

….

His lab was the only solitude he had.  
_That name,_  
_Why the hell did he mention that name?_  
_Fucking bastard._  
_Thinks he owns the place._

His mind was racing. How did he know about St Helena’s? What did he know about John?  
It made him uneasy. He started a new life to get away from it all. But the shadows of his past haunted him here too. He took deep breaths. He couldn’t allow Alex to reveal anything. The cost would be too high.

He smirked.  
Who cared what Alex knew. He had no proof of what happened.

No.

He wouldn’t kill him now. It would be too easy.

Ha ha.  
He would bide his time. Alex thrives off the attention.  
So, attention he will get.  
If the operation succeeded, he would get more funding, and, thanks to his little brother, Alex’s business would be booming.  
He will show Alex courtesy, and, in doing so, will be keeping an eye on him. If he oversteps the mark,  
Well.  
He will be silenced.  
Permanently.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Alex demands to see his brother, who had just got out of surgery, John advises against it. However, when Alex lashes out, he sees a different side to John.

She had never seen anything like it.  
The lights blared down to Adam’s back and submerged everything to dim light. His spinal cord was exposed for all to see.  
It glistened in the iridescence of the lamps. Tissue from the incision clenched tightly to the cord, never letting go. Roxanna was very curious. It was hard to imagine that something so flexible and delicate could provide someone with movement.  
The incision was made with care. A few droplets of blood became free from their flesh prison but found itself trapped within the fabric. The monotonous humming of the equipment was all that’s left to keep them company. Everything else was silent. She noticed some of the fellow nurses becoming fidgety. As they caught her gaze, they immediately stopped, not wishing to provoke John’s wrath during this procedure.  
As she peered into the chasm that was in front of her, muscles were clothed in blood, which also painted the outside of Adam’s skin. She turned her eye towards the inflamed parasite that made a home for itself in Adam’s lower back.

An infection.

The MRI had come back showing an abnormality near the spinal cord. He was rushed to theatre the minute it was available.  
The parasite showed no sign of being easy to detach.

 **“Scalpel.”**  
The assistant nurse gave John what he required. He was face to face with the enemy. They examined each other, determined to expose the other’s flaws. One would win, the other would lose. John gripped his weapon tight. He was prepared.  
The first move was all his.  
He proceeded with caution. One false move and it could be the end. For him and for Adam. He crept towards the spinal cord, armed to take down the menace.  
The room held a deathly silence.  
It was all down to John.  
…..  
His eyes were heavy; he felt weights on them. A nauseating feeling pinned Adam to the bed. He tried to move but his remaining strength failed him. He never felt like this before. He knew that everyone reacted differently after coming around. The nauseating feeling grew and grew. His stomach was doing backflips.  
The anaesthetic packed a powerful punch. It swept the floor with Adam’s body and claimed victory.  
But he fought back.  
He resisted the control that the anaesthetic had him under and summoned enough strength to open his eyes.  
He had succeeded.  
At first, his vision was blurry; a fog clouding his sight but, after a while, it disappeared. He was in Recovery. Alone in an empty room. He felt so insignificant compared to its vast capacity. The anaesthetic tempted him to fall back into its slumbering clutches, but he was strong-willed. It would never have him.  
“ **How are you feeling?”**  
A shiver forced its way through Adam’s spine. He didn’t hear anyone coming in. Adam moved his head slightly and found John occupying the chair that was previously empty.  
**“A little dizzy; feels like the room is spinning, my head is killing, and I feel as though I’m gonna be sick. All my energy has just gone.”**  
**“Everyone reacts differently. It will pass, don’t worry. In the meantime, get some rest. I’ll have a word to see if we can put you in a side ward.”**  
**“Thanks.”**  
John left his patient to heal. After what seemed like endless hours in surgery, the creature was slain, thanks to John and Roxanna’s combined efforts. He would allow Adam to recover completely from the anaesthetic before testing his nerves.

Walking down the corridor, each step breaking the silence, John came across Alex, sitting patiently awaiting news of his brother. He noticed John’s presence and turned.  
**“Is he going to be ok?”**  
**“He will be fine. He’s had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic, which isn’t uncommon. We’ll keep him in for a few days to observe him and go from there.”**  
**“Alright, can I see him?”**  
**“I wouldn’t advise it at this stage. He’s just come around and is slightly weak. He needs complete rest.”**  
The atmosphere began to change. John felt the tension in the air.  
“ **What do you mean I can’t see him?!”**  
**“I never said that. I said I wouldn’t advise it.”**  
In mere seconds, Alex flipped.  
He grabbed John by the neck and slammed his slender frame against the wall with so much force, it winded him entirely.  
It seemed that Alex didn’t like the word no.  
John struggled to breathe. He felt Alex’s hands having his neck in a vice-like hold. He took what breaths he could to calm himself. His eyes focused on the malice possessing Alex’s eyes. Alex’s arms restrained John’s movement, leaving him paralyzed.  
**“Listen to me, you son of a bitch, no one, and I mean NO ONE, TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!”**  
John wasn’t surprised by this outburst. It suited Alex’s temperament.  
**“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, NOT ALLOWING ME TO SEE MY OWN BROTHER?!”**  
**“You’re twisting my words.”**  
John replied as calmly as he could. He didn’t wish to make the situation more worse than it was. He thought of Alex as being no more than a child throwing a tantrum.  
_Pathetic_.  
**“Would you let go of me, please?”**  
John asked politely. His breathing pattern was still faintly abnormal.  
**“WHY SHOULD I?!”**  
**“I’m trying to appeal to your better nature. Be the good man, instead of being a spoilt brat.”**  
Alex’s rage-fuelled eyes expanded with fury.  
**“What did you just call me?”**  
Whispered Alex, his voice trembling, struggling to contain his anger.  
**“A spoilt brat.”**  
Professed John, in an act of defiance. He wasn’t going to let some bloody upstart get the better of him.  
After Adam’s operation, he barely rested, taking measures to sort out Adam’s post-op care plan. So he was a bit short-fused.  
He didn’t care one bit. This man was intolerable, even for him.

Briefly, everything went dark.  
The next thing he knew, he was on the floor, a river of blood trickling from his mouth.  
He had been assaulted.  
He was stunned for mere moments; he quickly recovered.

 Brushing his blood-stained tongue all over the inside of his mouth, he found a few loose teeth.  
He placed his hand on the floor and lifted himself up.  
He scowled at Alex, who had started to become terror-stricken in his company; his palms were sweating, heart palpitations were setting in and his body began to convulse.  
At last, John would put him in his place.  
John relished the thought.  
As he started to walk towards Alex, Alex began to back away. Tears were forming in his eyes, fear was striking daggers throughout him, his body convulsing even more.  
He was fearing for his life.

He knew what John did at St Helena’s from a friend of his. He was petrified that he was going to be next.  
The floor ceased and stopped Alex in his tracks. He was up against a wall.  
John, moving towards his prey, was beginning to lose control. His thoughts turned to the beautiful picture Alex’s body will make, having been splattered against the corridor. Of course, he would be scalped first, so that his hair would be a paintbrush.  
It would be art.  
His blood, decorating the ceiling and floor, leaving a gorgeous crimson hue. His body laying there with his head caved with bits of brain everywhere, adding texture to John’s masterpiece.  
**“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”**  
Alex whimpered, as he witnessed the manic glare in John’s eyes.

John had finally reached his goal.

“ **You little prick.** ”  
John said softly; a sign of his gradual madness.  
**“When are you ever going to fucking realise that no means no. Your brother is recovering. Surely even someone as brainless as you can see that.”**  
Alex’s clothes were doused in sweat. The hairs all over his body were standing on end. He was being reduced to a child who was afraid of the monster hiding under the bed. He was conscious of John’s breath on him. His heart stopped.  
John swerved to the side of Alex’s head, making him even more unnerved.  
**“If I see you throwing another childish tantrum or arguing with staff again, I will have you thrown out of the hospital. Understand?”**  
John’s tone was bursting with menace. Alex clearly saw that he wasn’t a man to be messed with.  
Alex swiftly nodded. He daren’t wish to prolong this torture.  
**“What’s going on?”**  
John moved to see the dark, looming figure that was Henrik.  
**“Everything is fine.”**  
Alex gazed at John, his mouth agape in shock. A few minutes ago, he was utterly deranged. Now he was back to his normal.  
This made Alex feel nauseous. He felt sick.  
**“You’re bleeding. Has this young man attacked you?”**  
**“No, no. There was an emergency and I slipped.**  
**“You sure?”**  
**“Yes.”**  
**“Very well then. Roxanna wants us to meet for lunch.”**  
**“I’ll like that.”**

**“Excellent, I’ll tell her.**

Henrik, satisfied that John had everything under control, bid adieu and left to find Roxanna. Alex, still shocked, gathered a little courage to speak.  
**“Why did you lie?”**  
**“You are not worth my time. I have more important things to do than to go to a hearing because some conceited fool couldn’t control his temper.”**  
**“I see.”**  
**“I will be watching you. If I find that my personal information has been leaked, I will come for your blood. Clear?”**  
**“Crystal.”**  
With that, John made his way to the bathroom to salvage the damage that Alex caused.  
Alex, meanwhile, collapsed into a heap, letting his fears out, wailing like a baby.  
He was vulnerable; a feeling that he hated.  
He was now truly afraid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam's surgery proves to be a success but Roxanna is concerned with the change in Alex's behaviour.

It had been weeks since the confrontation with Alex.  
And, true to his word, he was well-behaved towards staff and others. He wasn’t mindless enough to be anything else.  
His brother was recovering well. John tested Adam’s nerves by placing a sterile needle in the balls of his feet. The pain ravaged Adam’s body, as if a thousand piercing daggers used him for a pincushion. The feeling of dread that plagued Adam was gone.  
He was free.  
The operation was a success.  
After the operation was completed, John hastily went to catch the flight to meet Patient 3.  
Patient 3 was a young 30-year-old man who had a diving accident. He had been to all the doctors in Morocco, but to no avail. They all proclaimed that there was nothing else that can be done. He lost all hope; a man just waiting. He wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle when she got married and to chase after his grandkids, to be full of life again. It was no use. He accepted the card that fate had dealt him.  
That was, until he heard about Patient Zero and John’s trial. He couldn’t believe his luck. It presented to him an opportunity to get his life back. There was a slim chance that it wouldn’t work but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. No matter what, he would go ahead for his family and him.

Roxanna felt troubled. Alex had a complete personality transplant and she wanted to know why. She observed Alex’s behaviour around John. It was almost if John had frightened him to the point where he was obeying John’s orders without question.  
_He wouldn’t do that._  
_No. Impossible._  
John wasn’t like that. She knew him better. After all, he was the one who guided her to her only and only true love, David.  
Life as a widow was fraught with difficulty. She had lost a dear friend, a loved companion and, most of all, a cherished husband. No one could ever replace David. She loved him too much. It would take time, but she will be alright.  
She was surrounded by great colleagues and friends.  
One thing she was concerned with was Abigail’s apparent but subtle lack of faith for her Medical Director. When she asked her if she trusted John, she was speechless. Thankfully, they were interrupted by the man himself. But the question haunted her mind.  
Could she really trust him?

 

 **“Dr Choudhury?”**  
**“Yes, Professor?”**  
Meena looked at the professor in awe. She felt so honoured to work with him. This was her chance to shine and she could think of no one better to help her realise her potential.  
“ **How is our patient today?”**  
**“He is doing well. Would you like me to get the discharge forms?”**  
**“Yes please. I think he’s excited as we are. Let’s not keep him waiting any longer. Come.”**  
John beckoned Meena to follow him, which she happily did, akin to a dog heeding its master. John saw Alex in Meena. The arrogance, the pride. However, Alex was stubborn and prone to anger; Meena wasn’t.  
Over the last few weeks, Adam changed for the better. He was talkative, asking patients and staff how they were. He was in a pale blue shirt, evoking the icy air in his eyes. He wore black jeans. Raven – haired curls falling softly across his face. Making an appearance on his face was stubble. He was a boy no longer. He was a young man.

  
**“Hello Adam, how are you?”**  
The professor warmly greeted him, adding more sunshine to the lad’s already cheerful mood.  
**“I’m alright, thank you.”**  
**“Well, that’s good.”**  
**“I still can’t believe it though. I never thought something like this would ever be possible.”**  
Adam’s eyes were getting full of tears. He owed John a huge debt.  
**“I don’t know how to thank you.”**  
John shook his head.  
**“No thanks needed. It was my pleasure. I have a duty of patient care and would do anything in my power to make sure that you are comfortable. How is your physio going?”**  
“ **It’s going really well. The physiotherapist said I’m making excellent progress.”**  
John smiled.  
**“That’s wonderful news. We looked through your notes and are thinking of discharging you today.”**  
**“Really?!”**  
**“Yes.”**  
**“That’s great.”**  
**“I’ll fill in this form and then I would need your signature. After that, you are free to go.”**

Within a few minutes, the paperwork was completed. John escorted Adam to the entrance. Adam had a couple more weeks of physio. Even though he was doing well, he required the use of a walking stick, just to steady himself.  
**“So, who’s picking you up?”**  
John asked as he was a bit worried about Adam’s safety.  
**“Alex is.”**  
**“Ah.”**  
John acknowledged the answer. Ever since the incident in Recovery, Alex was a new person. John really got to him. If Alex didn’t have his bravado, he would be a nervous wreck.  
The distinct sound of a Lamborghini Murcielago echoed throughout the air. Their ears scanned the air to hear where it was going. As time slipped by, the roar got gradually closer.  
Eventually, a moving mass of shadow approached them. Alex was in the driver’s seat. He put his hand up to Adam. Though he disguised it very well, Alex was overcome with worry that Adam wouldn’t make it. He was grateful to John for that. But, in his heart and mind, he knew that John was a monster. A good friend died at St Helena’s because of him.

  
At the time, there was little press coverage of it. Alex understood why. The day before, Princess Anne came to open a new ward at the hospital as she was their patron. The CEO didn’t want the bad publicity, so he only told the press that 4 patients died due to natural causes. The press lapped it up. As the cause of death was natural causes, there was no official investigation. Alex didn’t believe that.  
James, his childhood friend, went to hospital for a leg injury. He had fallen over while skateboarding and twisted when he landed, gifting him an open leg fracture. The blood showered the pavement. After the operation, Alex went to see James and he was perfectly healthy. No diseases or ailments in the family at all, so he couldn’t understand how James died. He investigated on his own and what he discovered, shook him to the core.

He daren’t dwell on it. He didn’t have proof. All records of the patients mysteriously disappeared without a trace.  
He assisted Adam with placing his belongings in the car. He was finally going home. He couldn’t wait to see his mum again. He was on cloud 9. Adam received an email from the Met; he had been accepted as a recruit. Prior to this, he informed them about his accident and that he needed a walking stick. The admissions officer told him that they wouldn’t proceed with his training until he was fit and that he wouldn’t lose his place.  
He couldn’t wait to tell his mum.  
Adam was resting in the car in a state of euphoria.

Alex lingered outside, talking to John.  
**“You won’t get away with it.”**  
Alex spoke in an accusatory tone. He wanted justice.  
**“I don’t know what you’re talking about.** ”  
Alex looked around. He didn’t wish to make a scene, especially in front of Adam, who held John in the highest regard.  
**“Don’t play fucking games with me. I know what you did. You make me sick.”**  
**“I do?”**  
**“Yeah. You think you fooled the people here? With your humility and your fancy trial bullshit? Heh. They have no idea what you are.”**  
**“Oh?”**  
**“You, my friend, are false. I bet half your credentials were bought.”**  
John didn’t have time to allow this prick to mock him.  
**“The great Professor Gaskell,”**  
He announced, slightly bowing to John.  
**“Medical superstar, surgical god and 100% fucking liar!”**  
He came closer to John, squaring up.  
**“I will find proof and when I do, you can kiss your ‘clean’ glittering career goodbye.”**  
Alex made his way to the car and drove Adam home. John watched as the shadow mass shrank in size until it was gone.  
He had to be wary.  
Who knew what Alex could do?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried about John and fearing that he is on the wrong path, Roxanna voices her concerns to Henrik, who agrees to help her find out what John is hiding.

Henrik graced Keller ward with his presence yet again. He arrived a little early to get the ward prepared for the new influx of patients. In his heart, he was overjoyed that he was a surgeon again. All the endless hours in the ivory tower and board meetings took its toll, both mentally and physically.  
He thought that Abigail wouldn’t be up to standard, given that she was a novice in the field when he met her. However, over the past few weeks, she started to prove herself, but she had a long way to go. It was pleasant to walk around the beds when it was silent. A sense of tranquillity oozed inside of him, evoking a warm and satisfying feeling.  
As he made his way around, he noticed that Roxanna’s office door was ajar.  
_What’s Roxanna doing here early? I best check to see if she is alright._  
He rapt on the door slightly to signal to Roxanna that someone was there. He knew that he could have gone straight in, but he didn’t want to disturb her. He briefly recollected the time when he, John and David foolishly decided to disturb Roxanna when they were studying at university.

They disguised themselves as ghosts, haunting the halls where Roxanna resided. They glided to her door and proceeded to make noises. David started the ball rolling by going to her door and calling her name in a spooky manner. John and Henrik produced background sound while he was doing this. It went on for about an hour. The lads heard stirring from the room and ran to hide. Roxanna came out of her room with a heavy weight, which was her textbook. She was curious as to who made the childish din, although she had a feeling of who the likely suspects were.  
She wasn’t best pleased that her studying was interrupted. The exam they had the next day was very important. If failed, the student would have to repeat a year. Luckily, Roxanna was very studious; she had an excellent balance between work and amusement. As she crept towards the end of the hallway, she thought she heard cackling from behind the corridor. When she made her way further down, the cackling grew louder and louder, sounding like a deranged pack of hyenas. She peered around the corridor and saw John, Henrik and David collapsed in hysteria.  
Once they composed themselves, they noticed Roxanna whose eyes were full of scorn and anger. They exited the halls sharply followed by Roxanna, wielding her textbook with great ease, shouting obscenities and scolding them for their prank.

Henrik smiled and chuckled to himself. All of them were studious and quite the partygoers.

 **“Come in.”**  
His halcyon memory was cut short by the stern tones of the office’s occupant. He entered the office as instructed.  
Roxanna was sat at her desk, the dim glow of the laptop screen highlighting her features. She looked so deep in thought. A fire or an earthquake wouldn’t stir her from her trance. She sensed Henrik and looked up.  
**“You’re here early, Henrik.”**  
**“I could say the same thing about you.”**  
Roxanna smiled. It was nice to see Henrik cheery for a change, after all he’s been through. Henrik could see that Roxanna was distressed.  
**“Are you alright, Roxanna?”**  
 **“I’m fine, why?”**  
 **“It’s just you seem…. distracted. You know you can share your concerns with me.”**  
 **“I know.”**  
_Maybe I should share it with Henrik. He might know more than I do._  
**“Well, there is one thing that I would like to talk about.”**  
 **“Of course. May I?”**

  
His arm touched the seat opposite Roxanna. She nodded so he placed himself in the chair. He adopted a non-confrontational posture, showing to Roxanna that he will listen and not judge her for her thoughts.  
**“It’s about John.”**  
 **“Go on.”**  
 **“I don’t know where to start.”**  
 **“Can I suggest starting with the progress of the trial?”**  
 **“OK.”**  
She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts.  
**“I feel as if John is being too reckless.”**  
 **“How so?”**  
 **“Mara, for example. She contracted an infection. I advised him against proceeding, but he still did.”**  
 **“John clearly knew what he was doing. He understood the risks.”**  
 **“Even so, the infection could have killed her in surgery.”**  
 **“That is true.”**  
 **“And then there’s Fiona. She developed an infection and I advised him to take out the implant. He just blanked me, as if I wasn’t there. There is something more to this. I can feel it.”**  
 **“I can, as well.”**  
 **“You do?”**  
 **“Ever since Miss Fawcett’s death, I feel that John is hiding something and that he isn’t telling us the whole story.”**  
 **“I agree, but I don’t understand, Henrik. John knows he can talk to you or me about anything and yet he’s being secretive.”**

Henrik fully understood. When he approached John about his concerns, John claimed that he was busy and walked off. That wasn’t like the John he knew.  
**“Do you feel John has changed, Roxanna?”**  
 **“I do. I don’t know what has happened since university but he’s not the same.”**  
 **“I concur. When he first arrived, I sensed something off about him. I thought, at the time, it was my imagination. Now, I’m not sure.”**  
 **“Henrik, do you know of a place called St Helena’s?”**  
 **“I do. John was there for seven years before he came here. Why do you ask?”**  
 **“A few months ago, we had a patient, Adam. His brother said that he recognised John from St Helena’s. John’s face was shocked and horrified. Within a few moments, he left.”**  
**“Perhaps the mention of the name stirred up painful memories. It could be linked with something that John wants to keep hidden.”**  
 **“If he is hiding something, that must mean that John was involved in an incident.”**  
 **“If he was, how come we didn’t hear of it?”**  
 **“I don’t know.”**

  
Henrik heard the elevator bell go. The first patient was here. He hoisted himself from the chair.  
**“Well, I must get on. Patients are arriving as we speak.”**  
 **“I understand.”**  
Henrik turned to the doorway and started to make his way back to the ward.  
**“Henrik?”**  
His body did a half turn to the sound of Roxanna’s voice.  
**“Yes, Roxanna?”**  
 **“I’m worried. I fear that John is walking the wrong path of our profession and, as his closest friends, we have to help him.”**  
 **“What if he doesn’t want to be helped?”**  
 **“We’ll cross that when we get to it.”**  
 **“I see.”**  
 **“Will you help me find out what happened?”**  
 **“I will.”**  
 **“Thank you.”**  
Henrik bade Roxanna farewell and went to tend to his first patient. He and Roxanna would get to the bottom of this.  
But they had to keep it hidden from John, lest he became suspicious and aware.

  
_Time to uncover his secret._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Henrik and Roxanna try and gather information about what happened at St Helena's, Meena meets the third patient for the Professor's trial.

No luck.  
Henrik searched everywhere; newspapers, websites, forums, anything but it proved fruitless. Roxanna was assisting him as it was a monumental task not suited for one man.  
Both were dumbfounded as to why. Piles of articles made a home in Roxanna’s office, nestling into every corner, nook and cranny. Roxanna knelt on the floor, tirelessly working to find that golden nugget that would set their investigation rolling. After work had ended, Henrik suggested that they spend some time making a start; they have been there for 5 hours. It was now 11:00 at night.  
**“Have you found anything, Roxanna?”**  
Roxanna released a deep sigh. No matter how many cups of caffeine nectar she downed, her mind started to burn, and her body was on the verge of collapsing. She needed to recharge.  
**“I think we reached the limit our bodies can take, Henrik. We need to have some rest.”**  
**“I agree. Let’s go home.”**  
…..  
Meena felt on top of the world. She was meeting the patient from Tangiers that the professor was flying to Holby. She helped Roxanna to get everything prepared for the arrival. The adrenaline rush raised the hackles all over her body as if a surge of electricity was coursing through her. It felt amazing.  
She was filing the necessary paperwork when her ears detected the sharp clacks of Roxanna’s heels. When the sound ceased, she lifted her head.  
**“So, are you ready for today, Meena?”**  
**“Totally. I can’t wait to see Professor Gaskell in action again. He is a master of his craft.”**  
**“He certainly is.”**  
**“Are you alright, Miss Macmillan? You seem tired.”**  
**“I’m alright, thank you Meena. Had a late night. I was doing some research.”**  
**“Well, late nights are a part of being a surgeon.”**  
**“Indeed they are.”**  
The sound of the elevator shook the air. The patient was here.  
The porter pushed the trolley with all his strength out of the elevator. When he succeeded, he rested his body behind the trolley. John brushed past him. The air con wasn’t working in the lift. He messaged HR to get it fixed. He was relieved. He could barely breathe in there. A slight sweat formed upon his brow. Taking the handkerchief from his breast pocket, he dabbed the sweat off from his face and neck. He was refreshed.  
**“Good morning, you two. It gives me the greatest pleasure of introducing the third patient for our trial. This is Askari. He’s come a long way to be here so make sure that he is comfortable.”**  
**“Of course. It’s nice to meet you, Askari.”**  
**“You too. The professor has told me all about you, Miss Macmillan. I know I’m in good hands.”**  
Despite struggling to stay awake, Askari managed to give Roxanna a pearly white smile, an action she reciprocated. John directed Askari to the side ward so that he could sleep in peace.  
**“Meena, could you place half hour obvs on him for me, please?”**  
**“Of course, Miss Macmillan.”**  
……  
Roxanna glanced at the clock.  
11:30am.  
It had barely been 3 hours and already she felt last night’s quest catching up with her. She would never do that again. She was going through the patient history of Askari. He was the perfect candidate. But she felt increasingly unnerved about all this. John was cutting corners and she didn’t like it one bit. She never would have seen him in this light.  
Her thoughts were shaken by the hurrying pace of footsteps descending the ward. Henrik flew past her and nearly collided with the post. He retraced his steps and stood in front of her. He was breathing deeply; his body moving with every breath.  
**“I got it, Roxanna.”**  
He gasped, barely able to get the words out.  
**“Calm down, Henrik. What have you got?”**  
**“A lead.”**  
**“It’s not wise to talk here. John’s just down there. Come into the office.”**  
Both rushed hastily into the office, unaware that they were being watched…  
“ **What have you got, Henrik?”**  
Henrik looked around to make sure that no one, especially John, was around. When he was satisfied, he closed the door.  
**“I managed to find the name and contact details of one of the doctors that worked with John at St Helena’s and gave him a call.”**  
**“That’s wonderful news.”**  
**“It is.”**

Henrik paused for a moment. He felt scared about the sort of thing he and Roxanna would uncover about John, and whether he was friend or foe. His hands trembled with the thought, but Roxanna enclosed her hands over them, giving him reassurance.  
**“Are you alright, Henrik?”**  
**“No, I’m not, Roxanna. I’m scared. What we discover about John could change our lives, our professional and personal relationships with him. If he was involved in something at St Helena’s, something immoral, then I fear that the John we knew is gone.”**  
**“You’re not alone, Henrik. I’m here. We’ll solve this together. Whatever we find out, we’ll get through it.”**  
Henrik smiled. Roxanna was a good friend. She supported him through so much, both at university and here. He wouldn’t dream of divulging to her that he had a small crush on her at university before he met Maja. He was, as she knew, a man who would never show emotion in public until recently with the aftermath of the shooting and Fredrik’s death. Besides, she loved David with all her heart and he could never take that away from her.  
**“What’s the man’s name?”**  
**“Arthur Vardessen. A famous doctor from Norway. He was there when the incident happened. He seemed a bit anxious when I brought it up over the phone.”**  
**“Maybe John threatened him to keep quiet.”**  
**“That is possible. Anyway, he wants to meet us tomorrow.”**  
**“Where, exactly? It can’t be here. John would see him for sure.”**  
**“He wasn’t specific. I said to him that he could talk to you if you had a time and place in mind.”**  
**“I’ll think of something.”**  
**“Excellent. Oh, here’s a note with his contact details. He’s working as a psychotherapist now. I think what happened must have made him switch professions.”**  
**“I see. Well done, Henrik. This could be what we’re looking for.**  
**“You’re too kind, Roxanna.”**  
Henrik felt his cheeks starting to burn.  
A heavy knock awakened them from their moment. Both were startled. Was it John? Did he overhear what they were saying? Their hearts were beating ten to the dozen, sweat collecting in their palms. If it was John, they would have a lot of explaining to do.  
Roxanna gulped. She and Henrik knew how bad-tempered John could be. In university, he beat up a student over the fact the student wrecked his portfolio. The poor lad was hospitalised with cracked ribs, black eye, a fractured nose, from which a fountain of blood was gushing out all over his clothes and a split lip. John didn’t show him any mercy.  
**“Come in.”**  
She said, voice shaking.  
As the door handle turned, inch by inch, their heart rates increased. Roxanna was beginning to feel nauseous as the butterflies in her were dying to get out. She gripped Henrik’s arm for comfort and he rested his hand on hers. John was unpredictable, and they knew it. The door proceeded to move. Henrik felt a stream of sweat pouring down his face. He had never felt this afraid in his entire life. The door began to reveal the identity of the perpetrator. Their hearts stopped. In front of them stood….

Meena.  
They sighed with relief. Roxanna let go of Henrik’s arm. Their secret was safe.  
**“Sorry, am I interrupting something?”**  
**“Of course not, Meena. Mr Hanssen and I have finished. What can I help you with?”**  
**“Oh, uh, Professor Gaskell wants you as a consult for Askari.”**  
**“Right, tell him I’m on my way.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
Meena left abruptly to give the Professor the message. She didn’t wish to displease him further. Already this week, she had been late to two of his meetings and raised concerns to him about the trial. She feared that soon, her future on the trial would come to an end. But she couldn’t help it. Something didn’t feel right. She knew it in her heart. She didn’t want to question him further, in case he pulled her off the trial. She would be a fool to let it lie.  
……  
**“Ah, Roxanna. You made it. What took you so long?”**  
**“Sorry about that, John. Henrik and I were discussing a case.”**  
**“I see. I was just about to talk Askari through the procedure and your opinion will be greatly appreciated.”**  
**“Alright.”**  
They moved to the side ward, where Askari was lying. He was happy to see them; the surgeons who would give him his life back. His gaze fell on Roxanna.  
**“A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t be here talking to me, when you have other patients to tend to?”**  
Roxanna met Askari’s warming stare. He was fully awake, compared to a few hours ago. His dark curls splayed over the pillow, caramel jewels staring intently at Roxanna. He was very striking. His smile could light up a thousand rooms. The stubble crowning his mouth, combined with his eyes, reminded Roxanna of David when he was younger. Her heart jerked with the pain of her loss. But that didn’t matter now.  
**“You’re our main priority, Askari. The other patients have been assigned to different consultants. We’re all yours.”**  
**“Then I feel deeply honoured, Miss Macmillan.”**  
Roxanna gave Askari a reassuring smile. She knew from experience that it wasn’t easy being in a place you don’t know. Her first day here, when she was allocated to help Tara with her brain tumour, she was a bag of nerves, but she didn’t show it.  
**“Right, shall we begin?”**  
John’s voice broke through her trance.  
**“Are you ready, Miss Macmillan?”**  
**“I am.”**  
……  
The thought of his friend being immoral and unethical scared him. Granted, John could be single-minded, stubborn and bad-tempered at times, but he would never endanger lives for his own goals.  
_Would he?_  
The more Henrik thought about it, the more he doubted John’s character.  
_Could John really be capable of doing such a thing?_  
He agreed with Roxanna. Whatever happened since university changed John. He felt a dull ache in his heart. His old friend was gone and was never coming back. His body was embraced by the leathery confines of the sofa in Roxanna’s domain. He was dealing with internal conflict. He wanted to find out what changed John to force him on the dark path but, on the other hand, he was frightened as to what they would uncover. The thought gripped his mind and wouldn’t let go. He had Roxanna with him, the only person he can trust. He felt that he can do anything when she was by his side.  
She popped in a few minutes ago to tell him that she rang Arthur and told him to meet them outside in the hospital gardens at 10:30 tomorrow morning. She had a peek at John’s schedule and he had a 2-hour board meeting starting at 10:00 tomorrow so it wouldn’t be a problem. Henrik acknowledged this, so she left him in peace. He had a curiosity brewing within him.  
What did Arthur see that day?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik and Roxanna meet one of John's colleagues from St Helena's, while Meena confronts the Professor.

Askari stirred himself from his slumber. Everything was so hazy. Last thing he remembered, Gaskell was leaning over him, like a shadow.  
_It might have been the anaesthetic, but I thought I saw him grinning, like he made a deal with the devil, like he wanted something out of this, not caring for me._  
His mind was too tired to fully understand this. Once he had a good sleep, everything would turn out alright.  
…..  
The sun awoke the dormant foundations of the hospital. Roxanna had a spring in her step. She was having the pleasure of meeting Mr Vardessen, who she thought would shed some light on John. Henrik was anxious too. He phoned her to ask if she was available at the scheduled time. She reassured him that she would be.  
She was approaching the door when she caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure from the corner of her eye. It was John.  
**“Morning, Roxanna. You seem happy.”**  
**“Good morning, John. I just got up on the right side of the bed this morning.”**  
**“That’s good. By the way, I was reading your itinerary for today and noticed that you have no electives for this morning. Something the matter?”**  
**“No, no. A colleague is coming over and they wish to apply to the Neuro unit.”**  
**“Uh-huh.”**  
**“So they wanted me to check their cv and application, just to make sure that everything is there.”**  
**“Maybe I can be of assistance.”**  
**“Uh, no. No, thank you, John. It’s a simple procedure and besides, you have your board meeting with Abigail.”**  
**“Oh, spare me the thought. What I wouldn’t give to avoid it. It’s tedious. Oh, well. Such is the life of a Medical Director.”**  
His ears pricked at the noise of the elevator doors starting to close  
“ **Right, I best go. Catch you later, Rox.”**  
**“See ya, John.”**  
He dashed towards the elevator. He made it just in time. His first stop would be the lab, as he wanted to check something before the meeting, but he had to be quick. Abigail wouldn’t take it too kindly if he was late.  
A suspicious feeling grew inside of him, but he shot it down.  
_Something seems off about Rox. Oh, well. It doesn’t matter. It’s nice that she’s happy again._  
The doors closed. He had no time to dwell on it. He had the extreme delight of hearing Abigail whinge about everything she wasn’t satisfied with in the hospital for the next 2 hours. How he hated her. She would not leave him alone. He detested the feeling of being watched. It made him uneasy. If she pushed him too far, he would bite back, twice as hard.  
…..  
Meena flicked the records, searching for her prize. She knew her career was on the line. With the guilt of Fiona’s death weighing heavily on her mind, she wanted closure. She knew that it was wrong to enter the professor’s lab while he was out, but she had no choice.  
Files were dropping like flies as Meena dug through the records to find what she needed. After endless searching, she found the file she was looking for. She sat amongst the chaos she caused and began to scour through the file. She started to learn, through looking through the reports and coroner’s report, that the implant was the problem. It wasn’t her or Essie’s fault. But why? Why is he letting the trial continue?  
“ **What on earth-“**  
Meena felt her heart go into her mouth. She didn’t hear anyone come in. She looked up and, in the doorway, stunned by the mess she made, was John.  
……  
A gentle breeze kissed Henrik’s cheek. He glanced at his watch.  
10:15am.  
He and Roxanna were sat out in the gardens, smelling the delicious scents of the flowers and surrounding themselves with the air of peace and tranquillity. The sun was blaring down upon them both. Luckily, they were wearing light clothing. Henrik felt his palms getting saturated. He wasn’t very good at hiding his nerves. Roxanna placed her hand gently on his.  
**“Don’t worry, Henrik. Everything will be alright.”**  
**“I hope so, Roxanna. We might get some answers today.”**  
**“Hopefully.”**  
Henrik looked around for any sign of Mr Vardessen. Roxanna was scanning the area in the opposite direction. She saw something out of the corner of her eye. In the distance, she saw a tall, handsome man coming towards them. He was sharply dressed in a blue pinstripe suit. As he came closer, more of his features became defined. Slicked back blonde hair, piercing blue eyes. He was quite the looker.  
“ **Uh, excuse me?”**  
said the man, in a soft Norwegian burr.  
“ **Yes, how can we help you?”**  
replied Roxanna, intrigued by this man, who looked a few years younger than Roxanna.  
“ **Are you both Mr Hanssen and Miss Macmillan, by any chance?”**  
**“We are. To whom do we have the pleasure of speaking to?”**  
**“Of course, where are my manners. I’m Mr Vardessen.**  
…….

John quickened his pace, his heart racing in doing so. He only wanted to check something, but he’d forgotten about it when he discovered Meena wrecking his lab.  
_She had no fucking right to be there, going through my files and leaving it a bombsite. Who the fuck does she think she is?_  
After he caught her, Meena tried to explain but he didn’t want to hear it. He ordered her to clean the place, to meet him at lunch and to get out. All of this made him 30 minutes late. Abigail would not be pleased.  
He opened the door to the boardroom where he was greeted by a dozen pair of eyes.  
**“Ah, Professor. You’re late.”**  
Abigail said, sternly. She thought it ironic that a man who thrived on punctuality would be late.  
**“I extend my apologies to both you and my fellow colleagues. Something came up.”**  
**“Very well. Just make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
**“Right. Why don’t we have a quick recap to bring Professor Gaskell up to speed?”**  
John couldn’t help but noticed the mocking tone in Abigail’s voice. She could please herself. He didn’t want to be here. He had more important matters to tend to, namely the matter of the self-centred, pampered, spoilt bitch that broke into his lab. Without his permission. The thought made his blood boil. The notion that he would teach Meena a lesson she would never forget filled him with relish and excitement.  
…..  
**“I’m sorry that I am late. The traffic in this country still astounds me.”**  
Arthur said, nervously.  
He was sat in a wooden chair opposite Roxanna and Henrik. He leaned back in the hard seat. It wasn’t very comfortable, but he had to make do.  
**“It’s alright, Mr Vardessen. You have our thanks for coming here.”**  
Roxanna gave him a reassuring smile. She could see how nervous he was.  
“ **You are too kind, Miss Macmillan.”**

Henrik decided to speak up.  
“ **Yes, well. The reason we asked you here is to find out, from you, what happened at St Helena’s.”**  
Arthur felt sick. His head started to spin, palms were wringing wet. Fear had gripped his heart.  
“ **Mr Vardessen are you alright?”**  
Roxanna was shocked at the change in his behaviour.  
**“I’m- I’m fine.”**  
**“Are you sure?”**  
**“Yes,”**  
Arthur straightened up a bit and took deep breaths. After a while, he was calm again.  
**“I apologise for before. It’s just that –“**  
**“Just what, Mr Vardessen?”**  
Questioned Henrik.  
**“He said that, if I told anyone, he would find me and kill me.”**  
**“Who, John?”**  
Roxanna couldn’t believe it. Surely John wouldn’t?  
**“You can tell us, Mr Vardessen. You’re in good company. You can trust us.”**  
**“Alright, Mr Hanssen. I’ll tell you.”**  
……  
Thank God, it was over. He was starting to turn into a mindless husk. The tie was loosened a little. It got unbearably hot in there. He checked his watch, still clasped around his wrist, despite sweating profusely.  
12:30pm.  
He asked Dr Choudhury to meet him in Miss Macmillan’s office. He swiftly made his way there.  
….  
Meena couldn’t stop shaking. She never thought this would happen. She just wanted to find out the truth. Resting on the sofa in Miss Macmillan’s office, she started to let her fears overcome her. What would Gaskell do? Would she have a future on the trial? She was terrified.  
**“Ah, Dr Choudhury. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting.”**

Meena looked at Gaskell. She felt his reptilian eyes staring deep into her soul, never flinching. She thought that he was determined to make her suffer.  
**“N-Not at all, Professor.”**  
A nervous chuckle escaped Meena’s lips. She stood up to brace herself for what might be coming.  
**“Well, I suppose the first question is why on earth were you in my lab without permission?”**  
**“I – I wanted closure.”**  
**“For what?”**  
**“Fiona’s death. Something didn’t feel right.”**  
**“Meena, I told you. It wasn’t your fault. These things sadly do happen. Did that curiosity give you cause to disregard personal privacy?**  
**“No. I was trying to find you, but you were in a meeting.”**  
**“I see.”**  
**“I read the file and it said she was showing signs of encephalitis. I looked at previous patients and they had the same thing, Professor. For Fiona, it was the implant that caused her death. And, if you knew, why are you letting it continue?**  
**“Enough, Dr Choudhury.”**  
**“People are going to die, Professor. Miss Naylor may go the same way. You don’t care at all. All you want is fame and glory and you’re willing to sacrifice people’s lives to get it. You – “**  
**“I SAID, THAT’S ENOUGH!”**

  
Without hesitation, John gripped Meena by the throat and threw her small form against the wall, his hand clenching her neck.  
**“Listen to me, you pathetic bitch. You had no right to go into my lab. How dare you have the fucking nerve to accuse me of putting my personal glory in front of my patient care. YOU ARE NOTHING.”**  
**“P-Professor, p-please. I can’t breathe.”**  
Meena felt the oxygen starting to leave her body. Fear was growing in her.  
**“You are no longer part of the trial.”**  
**“P-Professor.”**  
John released the vice around Meena’s neck. Meena collapsed on the floor, like a rag doll. Her breathing was misaligned. She felt light headed.  
**“I’m going on leave and when I come back, I never want to see you in my lab again. Understand?”**  
**“I-I understand.”**  
Meena took deep breaths. Her breathing was starting to go back to normal.  
“ **Good.”**  
John stepped out of the doorway. He turned to Meena.  
**“By the way, if you tell anyone about what happened in this room, I will make sure that your career ends here.”**  
Meena nodded.  
He left the office. Meena was all on her own. She broke down in tears, keeping her crying down to a low sob.  
….  
**“Are you sure about this, Mr Vardessen?”**  
Asked Roxanna. She wanted to be sure that he wasn’t lying.  
**“Positive, Miss Macmillan.”**

**“And there’s no mistake?”**  
questioned Henrik. He couldn’t believe his ears.  
**“No mistake, Mr Hanssen.**  
**John killed 4 patients.”**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Roxanna and Henrik come to terms with the new information, John is deeply shaken about his confrontation with Meena and the death of a patient.

Her eyes opened with a start. No matter how much she tossed or turned, she couldn't get to sleep. The day’s events were invading her mind. She exhausted herself, trying to make sense of it all.  
_How could he do that?_  
She lifted her weary body out of her bed and sleepily walked to the kitchen. It looked so different at night. Everything was so still, so quiet. It was at peace, unlike her mind. She knew her hair probably looked a mess but it didn’t matter. She slumped towards the fridge, in the hope that a cold glass of milk would help her relax. As she opened the door, the light projected itself on her, temporary blinding her, and the wall behind. After recovering from her quick ordeal, she turned to the clock.  
3:00am.  
Three hours before she had to get ready for work.  
She couldn’t be asked to go but it was her duty.  
She made her way to the lounge with her milk. She placed the glass on the oak table, then reclined into the chair.  
Of course, there was a slight chance that Mr Vardessen was lying but he didn’t seem the type to make accusations up out of thin air.  
Her best friend, a murderer.

  
Those words gnawed at her like toothache. She and Henrik would have to tread very carefully as it was a very serious accusation. She thought on how David would react if he were here. Shocked, she’d imagine. He wouldn’t have believed a single word of it. She glanced at the chair adjacent to her. The envelope was resting comfortably on the pillow. Inside were the post mortem reports of the patients that John allegedly killed. She didn't dare to look at them. Her heart was torn. She had no idea what to do with the information; she was at a crossroads. Even if it was true, why hadn't he been brought to justice, to pay for his crimes?  
She remembered the pain in Henrik’s eyes. He was shook beyond belief. After Mr Vardessen left, he didn’t want to believe it. He called him a liar, ranting and raving, then broke down in Roxanna’s arms. He already had a loved one as a murderer, he didn't want John to have the same accolade. Roxanna didn’t know what to do.  
She was so scared.  
....  
The lamp glowed brightly in the room, eradicating the darkness from every corner. But it failed to make a dent on Henrik’s heart. The discovery about John threatened to push him past the point of no return. He feared that, if it wasn’t for Roxanna, he would succumb to never-ending insanity. He poured himself a well deserved glass of brandy on the rocks to calm himself. He leant back on his leather armchair and looked at the ceiling with sorrowful eyes.  
_John would never kill anyone. I know it_.  
But that statement become more false the more he thought about it. John showed no indication of murderous tendencies all throughout university. What made him become the Angel of Death? Whatever it was, it must have been powerful enough to have warped his mind and way of thinking.  
_Yet, he seems so calm, no emotion whatsoever. He smiles and is always pleasant to patients and fellow staff._  
Henrik realised that John may have been fooling them all, hiding behind a mask of courtesy and humility. The thought of John taking a human life was just unthinkable.  
_Maybe, I don't know John at all._

  
As soon as John arrived on that fateful day, Henrik felt that there was something off about him. He had an air of seclusion, instability and pride. He had put it down to John’s recent breakthrough and the fact he hadn't seen him for so long. After the damage was done, he was so distraught about losing Fredrik, that his suspicions didn’t matter. He was starting to recover. He thought it touching that everyone was worried about him. He knew that, with their support, he could be saved.  
Henrik felt so ashamed.  
He should have been at Fredrik’s funeral with Maja, but he couldn't. No doubt, she would have blamed him for their son's death. She would have wanted answers as to what made him do this. Guilt was a feeling that became natural to Henrik. Guilt of leaving Maja when his father ordered him to go to London for further studying, guilt for not coming back to help her with their new-born son, guilt for not being a part of their lives. He so desperately wanted to be a part of Oskar’s life but Sara had forbidden it. However, recently, she softened and asked to come to Sweden for Oskar’s 3rd birthday, an invitation he gladly accepted. He cleared with HR and Abigail and he would leave at the weekend. He regretted not being there for Fredrik. The least he could do was to be there for Oskar.  
....  
_How could I be so stupid?_  
John pondered this as he laid in his chair positioned upright at his desk. He knew Meena could easily go to Abigail and have him brought before the GMC for inappropriate conduct.  
The things that Meena said about the trial not being safe rang alarm bells in his head. He should have picked up on this. Instead, he was blind to it by his insatiable desire to make the trial work, no matter what. According to Roxanna, Meena came to her and showed the results from Fiona's case and compared it to Askari’s. Earlier in the day, Askari began to develop a raised BP and temperature. He became confused and was hallucinating that his late father was watching over him. Scans showed that he had primary stage encephalitis. John told the nurse to put Askari on antibiotics to combat the infection but to no avail.  
Askari rapidly deteriorated. He was rushed to theatre in a matter of seconds. Despite his and Roxanna’s best efforts, Askari sadly died on the table. His death really shook John. He was beginning to doubt himself.

  
_Am I delusional? Is this too much? First Fiona, now Askari. Maybe, what killed them may kill Jac one day. If that happens, the media will be around me like moths to a flame. Questions will be asked, candidates would threaten to pull out. I can't let this go to waste. I promised her._  
He felt the noose tighten around his neck. He didn’t know what on earth possessed him. He only wanted to frighten Meena, not leaving her starving for oxygen.  
Meena was too eager to impress him. She started to fall below of his expectations. A typo of his name, arriving late to his meetings, discussing the risks of the trial with a colleague and entering his lab without his permission proved to be the last straw. The deaths of Fiona and Askari tormented him. He needed a holiday. Not a cover up to see Patient X again, a proper holiday. He reflected on the trial’s progress. So far, he had 3 successes, 2 failures and one pending.  
If people are going to die further down the line, then there's no point continuing.

  
He sighed and closed his eyes. Something became dormant in him.  
No.  
He will not let it end.  
He's come this far.  
He would do whatever it took to make the trial a complete success.  
He didn't give a fuck what Meena knew. It was her word against his. If she started to prove to be too problematic for him, he will make sure the porky bitch didn’t squeal.  
“ **NOOOO!”**  
He shocked himself back to reality. John became increasingly frightened of what he was capable of. Granted, Meena was slightly sycophantic and she made mistakes, people do. But she didn’t deserve death.  
**“What-What am I? A monster? Possessed by a malevolent entity?”**  
He felt a tear fall from his eye. Within a matter of seconds, he collapsed on the desk, the stream flowing endlessly. He just wanted to protect the person he loved and cared about. He didn’t want to kill the patients. He was blinded with rage as they didn't get justice for what they'd done. He wanted the trial to be successful for her sake because they worked on it together. He feared what he was turning into. Years of grief, loss, anger and sadness was released from John’s heart. He wanted her to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be ok. If it came out about what he'd done, it would be all over for him. He had enough. He would spend every waking hour trying to find out what went wrong with the implant.  
Until then, the trial would be on a hiatus. Luckily, he hadn't picked any new candidates. After running away from it, he knew that someday, he would have to come clean about his past crimes. His breathing became calmer as the light warmed his arm. It was morning, a new day. To John, it meant something more.  
Hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling overwhelmed by recent events, Meena decides to go on leave. A tragedy shakens Roxanna's faith in John and the trial.

It was a crisp, cool morning. Trees were being subjected to the violence of the merciless winds. Plants and bushes were clinging on to dear life as the whirlwind swept through them. The hospital stood steadfast against the battering breeze, providing shelter for the patients inside. She wiped the tiredness from her eyes. The cold air brought her to her senses. With her pale blue coat dancing in the wind, she was a sight to behold. A large caramel latte was calling to her. She craved it so much. She didn’t sleep again last night with the stress and worry of the trial. Roxanna hoped that today would be better. She was still shaking from Askari’s death. Her faith in the trial and, to some degree, John was rapidly decreasing. It was always one step forward, two steps back. When would he stop?  
.....  
**“Why?”**  
Roxanna was a little confused at the sudden request.  
**“It's just that, with all that's gone on concerning the trial, Fiona's and Askari’s death and other things, I feel overwhelmed. I can't cope.”**  
Meena focused her eyes on Roxanna's. She wanted time off. It was too much to bear. After what happened, she couldn’t sleep. The feeling of being near death consumed her. She took every step possible to avoid John. She couldn't live like this. It would break her.  
**“Have you cleared it with HR?”**  
**“Yes, but they told me to get your permission as Mr Levy isn't here.”**  
**“I see. How much time have you asked off?”**  
**“3 weeks. I'm due some leave anyway.”**  
**“Alright. You've worked very hard, Meena. If anyone deserves a break, it's you. I know John's a hard man to please, but you did to the best of your abilities. That's all anyone can ask for.”**  
Meena escaped Roxanna's gaze by staring at her feet. She told Roxanna that John dropped her from the trial. Roxanna was stunned. So much for equal partners. She would have a word with him later on.  
**“Do you have the form with you, Meena?”**  
**“Oh, yes.”**  
**Meena gave the neatly folded form to Roxanna, struggling to control the tremors in her hands. Roxanna took a pen and signed it.**  
**“There you are, Meena. It's all done. You have to work the rest of the week but, after that, you're free to go.”**  
**“Thank you, Miss Macmillan.”**  
**“Meena, are you alright? You're shaking.”**  
**“I'm fine, Miss Macmillan. Just a little cold.”**  
**“Well, if today proves too much for you, my office door is always open if you want to talk.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
She took the form from Roxanna and went about her duties.

  
Roxanna couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something really wrong with Meena. She wasn’t her normal self. She was timid and meek. It was like she was replaced. She noticed this before, with Alex. A pattern was starting to form. Both Meena and Alex talked to John and afterwards, they completely changed. She will talk to Meena after work.  
_No. John wouldn't..._  
**“HELP, SOMEONE. HELP!”**  
Roxanna turned to see what the commotion was. Two porters wheeled a trolley onto the ward. Behind them was Alex.  
**“Alex, what's the matter?”**  
**“Miss Macmillan, it's Adam. He's got a fever and he's going red.”**  
**“It's ok, Alex. We'll put Adam in a side ward, then go from there.”**  
**“Alright.”**  
Roxanna took a look at Adam. His defined features were no longer visible. She felt his forehead. Burning hot.  
No, it can't be.  
As the porters made their way to the side ward, Roxanna texted John.  
**_‘You're needed on Keller. Now._**  
**_R.’_**  
_How could this have happened?_  
.....

  
**“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”**  
Alex looked at John, dead in the eye. His anger was starting to get out of control.  
**“Alex, please calm down.”**  
Roxanna could see the bubbling tension. It was like being around a ticking bomb.  
**“CALM DOWN?! MY BROTHER IS POSSIBLY DYING, NO THANKS TO THIS HIGH AND MIGHTY TWAT, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN?”**  
**“Yes, Alex. You're disturbing the other patients.”**  
Alex looked around and briefly saw everyone staring at him before Roxanna turned the blinds. He started to breathe in and out, his anger going down with every breath. In seconds, he felt a lot calmer but he was still annoyed.  
**“Well, what have you got to say for yourself?”**  
Alex was beside Adam, holding his hand, staring blankly at John.  
**“Rest assured, Alex. We'll find out what's going on.”**  
John couldn’t understand how this happened. The operation was a success. Or so he thought.  
**“Don't give me that bullshit. What I want to know is what caused this.”**  
**“It is likely that part of the infected tissue we removed before could still be in there. It would be an insignificant amount left, so we will put Adam on a course of antibiotics and keep him in for a few days.”**  
John could understand Alex's frustration. He wasn’t expecting this to happen to his little brother. Alex leant towards Adam, tearfully reassuring him that everything was going to be ok. He turned to Roxanna and John, blurry-eyed.  
**“I don't want to lose him. It'll break our mum's heart.”**  
Roxanna walked to his side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
**“I promise you, we'll find the cause of this and will do everything in our power to make Adam well again. Won't we, John?”**  
**“We will.”**  
Roxanna heard uncertainty in his voice. That wasn't a good sign.

  
**“Thank you, both of you. I'm sorry about before.”**  
**“It's understandable. You care about Adam very much. He's lucky to have someone like you.”**  
Alex smiled a half smile. Roxanna and John left the room to give him some time alone.  
**“You can't blame him for being upset, John.”**  
They were walking through the main ward where both of them halted at the reception desk. Roxanna suspected that John was seething at being named a high and mighty twat, which was why he wasn’t answering her.  
**“John?”**  
**“Hmm?”**  
**“Are you ok?” You seemed vacant.”**  
**“Sorry about that. My mind's occupied with recent events.”**  
**“I know. By the way, I heard you dropped Meena from the trial.”**  
John turned to Roxanna, icy glare in full force.  
**“I have nothing more to say on the matter.”**  
**“You took her off without consulting me, John. Aren't we equal partners?”**  
**“We are.”**  
**“Then why did you-?”**  
**“Listen, Rox. I haven't got the time nor patience to stand here, being interrogated by you. I had my reasons. That should be enough. Now, if you excuse me, I have patients to tend to.”**  
Roxanna's mouth dropped a little. She asked a perfectly reasonable question and he rudely retaliated by snapping at her. As John went around the ward, she dreaded the fact that any of them could die at his hands.  
She wouldn't rest until she knew the full truth.  
....  
**“BEEEP, BEEEP.”**  
The ward alarm was screaming in torment. Something was amiss.  
“ **BEEEP, BEEEP.”**  
Roxanna rushed quickly to the side ward, accompanied by the crash team and John. They discovered Adam was deteriorating; BP was hastily decreasing, heart rate was struggling to continue. They had to act. Fast.  
Everything was a blur. A nurse escorted Alex out of the room. He looked on, heart in his mouth, as his brother was fighting for his life.  
_No, I can't lose him. Not now._  
Alex was getting married next year and he asked Adam to be his best man. He saw that possibility slipping through his fingers.  
Roxanna ripped open Adam's gown and frantically put the patches on him.  
“ **Ready?”**  
John was beside himself with panic. He saw two people die. He'll be damned if Adam goes as well.  
“ **Ready.”**  
Roxanna shuddered as the sweat was starting to soak her scrubs. She was a bag of nerves, on tenterhooks. She could hardly breathe.  
**“Rox, stay with me.”**  
Roxanna nodded silently, as John went to the defibrillator.  
“ **Charge to 120.”**  
No one made a single sound, as they were all holding their breath.  
“ **Clear.”**  
Adam's body rose with the shock. Roxanna looked at his stats. No change. She shook her head at John.  
“ **Charge to 150. Clear.”**  
Still nothing. BP was still decreasing.  
**“John?”**  
**“Rox, we can't give up on him. One more time.”**

  
She agreed, even though she knew it was in vain.  
**“Charge to 150. Clear.”**  
Nothing.  
John didn’t give up. He took off the patches and began performing CPR on Adam, Roxanna watched, astonished.  
**“John, it's hopeless. You can't save him!”**  
**“I can, Rox. Something's there. He's a fighter.”**  
Roxanna saw no difference in Adam's condition. He was too far gone.  
**“Come on, Adam. Come on.”**  
Alex hoped his brother had enough strength left to make it.  
Roxanna saw the desperation in John's face. He was fighting a losing battle. John was like a man possessed. He felt that there was a chance. He just had to be patient.  
**“John, that's enough.”**  
Her order fell on deaf ears. John appeared to be in a trance. He didn't want Adam to die. Roxanna moved to be beside John. She grabbed his hand, in the hope that he would stop.  
**“John.”**

  
He stared at her, mournfully. His eyes were on the verge of tears.  
**“Enough. There's nothing more you can do.”**  
John removed his hands from Adam's chest.  
**“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.”**  
The sound of the flatline made itself known. Adam was gone.  
John focused on Adam's lifeless corpse. He was so young, he didn’t deserve this. He had a bright future. And John took it all away from him. He would never forgive himself. Roxanna witnessed the agony settling in John's eyes. This was one death too many. There was only so much he could take.  
**“John, do you want me to call it?”**  
**“Yes, please.**  
He could hear Alex crying uncontrollably outside. He failed him. Roxanna was distraught herself. She promised Alex that Adam would get well again. She was a fool. They did everything they could. Sadly, it wasn’t enough.  
**“Time of death: 4:15pm.”**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With all that's been going on. they battle their demons. But eventually, it proves to be too much.

They fucked up.  
Big time.  
They couldn't believe how stupid they had been.  
They tried so hard to correct things, to make it alright. They might as well not have bothered.  
Everything was sound asleep.  
Good.  
The house was empty; a reflection of what was inside their heart.  
They made one mistake too many.  
They glanced towards the wall, full of pictures of family and friends, of good times. How they longed for it.  
Some medical professional they turned out to be.  
All they wanted was to be welcomed by their peers, to have the well-earned respect they so desired.

  
Hmm.

  
How delusional were they?

  
Day after day, something happened, causing them to lose faith in themselves. A fragment of them died inside. Over time, there was nothing left.  
In their heads, they went over it again and again of what would have happened if they did things differently. The what ifs, if onlys.  
It didn’t matter now. They couldn’t change the past. They trusted towards the fridge. Alcohol would numb the pain.  
They sat down in the chair, falling back and submerging themselves into the cushion, not saying a word.  
Everyone else had successful careers, why didn’t they?  
They knew why.  
They rushed in, head first. They became smarmy, trying to please anyone and doing anything necessary to make it so.  
It made them feel sick. They were pathetic, having stooped so low.  
They had a never-ending torment on repeat.  
Their nightmares gave them restless sleep, the skin crawling feeling of terror, the discordant noises that made their blood turn cold, the images that appeared no matter where they went.

  
The night terrors were suffocating them. They were going mad. They couldn't take it anymore. They wanted to escape the madness, but it was impossible. The demons from their dreams weren't going anywhere fast. They made a permanent home in their psyche, plaguing them for the rest of their lives.  
They didn’t sleep. They didn’t eat. They daren't. Being trapped in endless suffering took its toll. They started to hallucinate at work.  
Black liquid cascading down the walls. It was the darkness from their heart, and it was gunning for them. They tried to flee, sweat dripping off, heart of the verge of giving out. But they weren’t moving. A treadmill of horror. They were petrified. The liquid was almost upon them. They were using all their energy, but it was no use.  
The liquid latched onto them, slowly devouring them and rendering them immobile. They were succumbing to their fate. Ultimately, the darkness swallowed them, imprisoning them in eternal hell, suited for them, one of pure devilry and wickedness.  
They began to question their grip on reality, not knowing what was real anymore. At work, they saw false apparitions and disorientating commotion. The guilt of what they’ve done, the medical faults they accumulated was breaking them.  
Too much. It's too much.

  
They observed the orange mirror on the cabinet, being something that their sanity wasn't. Intact.  
They walked to the mirror, catching their appearance in its reflection.  
Looking as if Halloween came early.  
Dark circles highlighted their red, near demonic eyes, that had wild written all over it. With not sleeping well, it was no surprise. Their hair was unkempt. Birds could use it for a nest. They looked near death, unhealthy and pale.  
What happened?  
Their psyche was degrading.  
They saw a mirror image of themselves, happy, healthy. Everything that they weren't.

  
_**Nothing, you're nothing.**_  
The image was harassing them, exploiting their weaknesses and vulnerability.  
**"No, that's not true."**  
_**You're worthless. How can you live with yourself, after what you've done?**_  
Another direct hit to their state of mind. It enjoyed making them suffer. They weren't gonna take this lying down. Their mental state was delicate enough as it is.  
**"You're wrong"**  
**_Am I? Why carry on? You're just gonna fuck it up like you always do. You might as well give up. You're no one._**  
**"Shut up."**  
_**You're a failure. No matter how far you run, that label will always be in your head. Who would miss you? No one, that's who. Poor you. All alone.**_  
**“I SAID SHUT UP!”**  
***SMASH***  
They launched the mirror across the room. It was halted in its course by the wall before collapsing into a thousand shards.  
They were in a daze. This wasn’t them. They had potential, talent, the knowledge to become a success. Their insecurities hindered them.  
Nothing, I'm nothing.  
They always dreamed of being a doctor, ever since they were young.  
But that was all it was.  
A dream.

  
They failed themselves. How could they live with that? They were scared, helpless, with no one to turn to.  
Downing their drink, they immediately poured another and another, in order to deprive the heart of sensation.  
They plummeted into a pit of depression. Their zest for life was none existent. Worthless, useless, failure. These became their true names. Their actual name meant nothing anymore to anyone. They would always be incompetent, a nobody. They reached their limit. They can do it no longer. Something struck them. They had no option  
It was the only way to cease their desolation.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Abigail announces the death of a colleague, Roxanna and Sacha reflect on how they could have helped while John looks back on what he did, both in the present and in the past.

**9:00am:**  
It was a bright, sunny morning but Roxanna had an inkling that something wasn’t right. That proved to be true. Abigail brought all the medical staff together in the meeting room to announce that a colleague had been lost.  
Suicide.  
The word stung Roxanna's heart. She was overcome with emotion. Her eyes shed endless tears as all her worries were released. Thoughts plagued her mind. If she took more notice in their well-being, then, perhaps, they would still be here. It was no use thinking like that. They were gone and they weren't coming back.  
Abigail said that counselling was available for anyone who was deeply affected by it. She added that the police would come and take statements from those who knew the deceased. The coroner’s report revealed that the deceased did kill themselves.  
Roxanna couldn’t understand it. They had a promising career. Why throw it all away? She was so frustrated with herself that she didn’t see the signs. The police didn’t know why either. The deceased was trying to make a good career and making the most of their potential.

  
Something drove them to the edge, to the point where they thought life wasn’t worth living. They made mistakes, everyone does. But then, they must have thought one mistake too many.  
Weeks before, they confided in Roxanna that they had ongoing personal issues but didn’t reveal what they were. Roxanna caught them ripping a patient and their family to shreds and trashing the staff room. Their life wasn't going well.  
All the deceased wanted was to be good at their profession, like all medical staff at Holby.  
Roxanna felt that a piece of her was missing. She didn’t show it, but she cared deeply about them.  
The void inside her grew. She was empty. What happened could have easily been prevented.  
_I will find out why._  
.....  
**11:00am:**  
Black clouds consumed the sun and blue sky.  
_How fitting for today._  
Abigail oversaw the comings and goings of the hospital window from her ivory tower. Her deep rooted suspicion set her mind working.  
Although she never worked with the deceased, she heard from Roxanna that they were hard working, diligent and very determined. It was tragic that they did this. They must have had their reasons. They had promise, a bright future.  
She sighed. It was no use dwelling on it. Everything, in time, will be back to normal or as normal as it can be. Her eyebrows furrowed as she wondered about her Medical Director. He was definitely hiding something. What, she couldn’t say. She had this all consuming fear that, if he did something wrong, he would gladly take the hospital down with him. Something didn’t feel right about him.  
She heard quite unsavoury rumours about him. She had an inkling that he was cutting corners when it suited him.  
One thing was certain.  
She would definitely be keeping a very close eye on him.  
.....  
**2:30pm:**  
Sacha was in absolute shock. He never saw any indication of them being suicidal. First Arthur, now this. Even though they were excellent at what they did, he found them to be single-minded. If he asked them to do something, they would pass the responsibility to someone else so they could focus on what mattered to them the most.  
He knew about the personal problems they had. Splitting from their partner, being months behind in rent arrears, family issues, to name a few. He understood how they felt. He had some of those problems himself.  
The stresses of everyday life in the hospital can prove to be too much. That's why leave was introduced, to help medical staff de-stress and relax so that they are ready for when they come back.  
He recalled that, due to recent events, he offered them leave numerous times but they refused, saying that they can cope.  
_Look how that turned out._  
They were so young and full of life.  
He started to think about Bekki and the anger-fuelled voicemail he left her. He didn't mean any of it. He knew that she had her reasons to cancel. She didn’t deserve that at all. He called to apologise and to explain why he was feeling the way he was. She understood and recommended that they go out for dinner at the weekend as she was free. He happily accepted the idea. He was worried about Essie, knowing how much she desired to have children to then have the chance taken away from her. He still had feelings for her but he understood the decision for them to just be friends.  
He made a quick stop at the café to get Essie a vanilla latte, her favourite. He walked to the lift to make his way to Essie, to cheer her up. Maybe she could do the same to him.  
....  
**5:30pm:**  
He caused this.  
Him, and him alone.  
He only wanted to frighten her.  
Never this.  
Another innocent death on his blood-stained hands. His fury and madness would be his undoing.  
A girl, who had done nothing wrong, was dead.  
His mind started to wander. He was a murderer. His actions killed her.  
He was disgusted with his treatment of her over the weeks. He should have cut her some slack.  
His anger needed to be kept in check.  
As for his madness,  
Well.  
He had no control over it  
His professional and personal lives had collided before and now they were threatening to do it again. Before, he was at his lowest ebb. He was accused of a crime most heinous. Sadly, it was true. The 4 men escaped jail, thanks to the ringleader’s father. He had to take the law into his own hands.  
....  
It was a cool autumn day. The leaves were changing into golden and orange hues. The wind had a slight bite. St Helena's was partly decorated with the foliage as the leaves danced in the wind. All hands were on deck, as the hospital received a call that an RTC had happened and that the casualties were coming their way. John rushed through Cushing Ward, along with other nurses to welcome the patients. A nurse handed him a list of names. A glacial shiver shocked his spine. He never thought he would see them again.  
The 3 men arrived within minutes of each other. All suffered a injury to the nervous system or brain. John had a look of which of them was more critical; they were the one to be operated on first. The other two were stable enough to wait for surgery later in the day.  
At last, John had the chance to exact his revenge. He waited so long for this moment. Two innocent lives were ruined because of them.  
Retribution will be swift.  
John was in theatre for the entire morning and most of the afternoon. Prior to him going in, a nurse paged him saying that another patient has come in, having gashed his leg during skateboarding and that the leg had started to show signs of sepsis. All 4 in the same building.  
_Excellent._

  
As leading neurosurgeon, John operated on the 3. His mind was occupied with the most cruel, sadistic methods in which to kill them with. He relished the thought. Even more so now they were in front of him. For the first, he thought of a lobotomy and slicing his throat, creating a fountain of crimson. The second, he thought of choking him slowly and painfully just to hear him beg for his life as it was being taken away. The last, he thought of a lethal injection, a method he was delighted with, just so he could hear the screams of agony.  
He could have easily killed them on the operating table but he would be caught quickly. The method for the first patient wouldn’t do at all. It would have to be subtle and secretive. He was the doctor assigned to the patients so he could keep an eye on him. He operated on the 4th after lunch.  
He received a phone call from her. He missed the sound of her voice. So beautiful, elegant and soft. She was in London for a 4 day conference and wondered if he would join her for dinner. He gladly accepted.  
He knew that it was wrong, what he was about to do. But he thought the pain that she and her sister went through. He couldn’t take it anymore. He became possessed by his madness, made even worse when the men got off scot free. She was the only one that could tame the beast. Alas, she wasn’t here. He could have some fun with the 4 patients.  
And no one would stop him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abigail chastises John for not being at the funeral, while Alex decides to get revenge. Meanwhile, a young woman waits for her plane to Holby Airport.

The funeral was deeply moving. Most of the congregation wept when Abigail was reading the eulogy. The turnout was astonishing. It clearly indicated how much they were loved. Roxanna was sat next to Henrik and Sacha. After days of concealing it, she couldn’t take it anymore and her feelings flowed out. Henrik passed her a tissue and placed his arm around her while whispering words of comfort.  
The sun made its presence known by bathing the church and its inhabitants in its light. It was a symbol of hope and strength. Sacha was lost in thought throughout the whole thing. He knew that something wasn’t right about this. The thing that uneased him the most was that not everyone was here.  
Abigail declared that everyone should attend, to pay respects. But one person didn’t.  
Sacha shared his concerns with Henrik.  
“ **Where's John? Abigail wanted everyone here.”**  
**“I don't know, Mr Levy. John doesn’t tell us anything.”**  
**“It's just disrespectful for him to not bother turning up.”**  
Roxanna had ended her cascade of tears. Henrik's reassurance had helped.  
“ **John must have had a good reason for not being here.”**  
Her voice was still shaking from emotion.  
Sacha leant towards them so that no one could overhear.  
“ **Abigail doesn’t look too happy about it.”**  
**“You can't blame her, Sacha. A colleague has been lost and a member of the Hospital Board isn't here.”**  
Roxanna kept her voice low.  
**“I should think Miss Tate would have a stern word with John when we get back.”**  
Sacha shuddered.  
“ **I wouldn't want to be in John's shoes right now.”**  
Henrik nodded.  
**“I concur.”**  
.....  
He couldn’t face it.  
He felt absolutely wretched.  
He wouldn't have coped, seeing their casket with the realisation that he played a central part in their death.  
Work was the best distraction.  
John spent all day and night, figuring out what happened in the neoconduit that Fiona and Askari had.  
He was still stinging from Roxanna's barbed words before she left.  
She had discovered that the cells used for the neoconduit in the trial were contaminated with human cells in the Far East.  
She angrily confronted him with this revelation, in which he denied all knowledge.  
She didn’t believe his excuse and announced that she needed time to think on whether or not she would remain on the trial, based on the new information and the fact that, in no uncertain terms, they were culpable of patient negligence. Yes, Mara, Will and Jac were doing excellently, but how long before a complication develops with them?  
He knew that if Roxanna uncovered the full extent of what he done, she would report him.  
She had been kept at bay for now, but he was slowly running out of excuses.  
He created this mess. He had to get out of it.  
No matter the cost.  
.....  
The weather changed dramatically after having a week of sun. Endless downpours of rain bombarding the staff with aqua bullets, soaking them to the skin. At least the hospital provided shelter.  
John hurried to the entrance to escape the deluge.  
This was just perfect.  
He was in a bad mood after Abigail collared him when she got back from the funeral and went on a fury-fuelled rant, which included remarks of him being insensitive, having no heart and was concluded by Abigail shouting that he was the human equivalent of a black hole.  
No matter.  
That witch can rant and behave immaturely all she wants. He had work to do and patients to make better. Anyway, he had an interesting case to look forward to.  
A patient, Emma, came in the early hours of this morning with CT and Neuro injuries, as she collided with an Arctic lorry after it jack-knifed and she didn't brake fast enough. This provided John with the opportunity of working alongside Jac, to observe how she was doing following her surgery.  
After stopping to fuel himself with a double espresso, he made his way to Darwin to dance with the Ice Queen.  
....  
Alex repeated the events over and over again. His mum had gone to stay at her sister’s for a while. They both agreed that she needed to get away.  
His house was beautiful, flashes of cream and teal.  
Oak furniture was in its rightful place in every room.  
It was like a show home, and his fiancée was proud of it. She was his rock, loyal, funny, kind and gorgeous. The woman of his dreams.  
Adam's funeral had a big turnout, which reflected how much he was loved and adored. He was a loveable lad. Some of the people who came were dressed in Liverpool FC kit, as he was a massive fan and that Liverpool was their hometown.  
Alex got choked up when he was delivering the eulogy but, with the help of his fiancée and his mum, he got through it.  
He didn’t blame Miss Macmillan for Adam's death. He knew that she did everything she could to save him.  
No.  
All of the blame laid at his door.  
That arrogant, murdering, psychotic fucker.  
He took away the two people that Alex cared about the most.  
This was the last straw.  
After James's death, Alex didn’t know how to react.  
He couldn’t believe that James, along with 3 mates, put a young woman in a coma and left her sister with 2nd degree burns all over her body.  
What the hell possessed him to do that?  
Knowing James, he probably thought it was for a laugh.  
Except it wasn’t funny.  
They did wrong, but they didn’t deserve to die for it.  
John had to be stopped.  
But Alex was struck with fear.  
He warned that, if Alex did anything to tarnish his name, he would come for his blood.  
Alex shook away the fear. He was past caring.  
John had to pay.  
But how?  
An idea manifested in in his mind.  
_No. I couldn't._  
It was foolishness. John’s career would be ruined if he did.  
His life was at stake. John wasn’t the type to make empty threats. The man was capable of manipulating people and words to further his own goals. He truly was a monster.  
Alex’s heart was set on it. He became enthralled by what he was going to do.  
Yes.  
Adam's death will not be in vain.  
Ignoring John's warning, he would post the information all over social media.  
“ _He took Adam's life, so I shall destroy his.”_  
Alex was nonchalant about the whole affair. He fully understood the consequences of his actions.  
His mother will have her heart broken twice.  
But it will be worth it.  
....  
The tempting, hot summer sun of France lit up the airport. It was warm, inviting. It failed trying to force her to stay longer.  
Her cropped, baby-blue hair was hidden under a carefully placed raspberry beret.  
A long, black skirt adorned her slim figure, with a pastel pink blouse tucked at the waist.  
The clack of the black kitten heels moving up and down on the airport lounge floor helped to pass the time.  
The beret was helpful in disguising most of her burns at the back of her neck. Her face took most of the fire damage. Slithers of healed scars were present everywhere on her body.  
It also dealt a mental blow. She couldn’t go swimming or wear dresses. But she was starting to overcome that. She rode a Harley Davidson to work as she developed a fear of being in a car. She was working on that.  
_After all this time._  
She was 30 years old. Young, beautiful. She had the Icelandic sense of humour since she was young. It was natural to her. She had recurring odd looks from colleagues. They accepted it over time.  
Her sharp blue eye glanced around the lounge. She was a little nervous.  
Earlier in the day, she received a phone call from the CEO of a hospital in England.  
The CEO heard all about her and her work so they offered her the job of consultant at Holby.  
She could hardly believe it.  
It was the chance for a new start.  
She stayed in Iceland with her aunt, then moved to France to do research on neurological disorders.  
She was punctual, hard-working and polite. She couldn’t get him out of her head.  
The husband she left behind.  
Would he forgive her for running away when he needed her the most?  
Could she forgive him for betraying her?  
She heard the tannoy announce her flight. She would find out soon enough. She boarded her flight, ready for what awaited her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik and Roxanna are equally excited when the new consultant comes to Holby, while Alex receives a visitor.

It was a dry morning. The wind was cool and pleasant. The remaining leaves were torn away from the branches by the unforgiving grip of the wind. Autumn was so beautiful. Henrik saw the members of staff as they passed his car. He needed a few moments to collect his thoughts.  
Abigail had asked him to show the new consultant around Keller, before Roxanna took over to show her around the Neuro Unit.  
Henrik couldn't believe that she was coming here. It had been 4 years since he last saw her at a conference in Sweden. How long it had been since she got married. He recalled seeing her in her wedding dress. She looked stunning in white. When he first met her, she was introduced by Roxanna as a colleague and a very good friend. He found her too reserved and quiet for her age but, over time, she became more open and talkative, which pleased him greatly.  
He understood why. She was a prodigy, who feared that people would focus on her age, rather than her medical capability. She passed her medical degree at 16. Within 4 years, she became a fully-fledged neurosurgeon. For her, it was an astounding achievement, bearing in mind what she had been through.  
_I can't wait to see her again._  
He opened his car door and walked briskly to the entrance. He wouldn’t want to keep Abigail waiting.  
Abigail was at the entrance, looking out for the car that was carrying the new arrival. She noticed Henrik beside her. She could tell he was nervous.  
“ **Looking forward to greeting our new colleague, Mr Hanssen?”**  
“ **I am, Miss Tate. She's an old friend.”**  
**“Ah, that's wonderful. An old face to welcome her to her new position.”**  
**“Indeed.”**  
....  
Clacking heels and heavy footsteps echoed throughout the hospital as the owners of the noise made the way through the wards and corridors.  
She was nervous but seeing Henrik again relaxed her a little. It was good to see he hadn't changed. Abigail stopped outside the door.  
**“Well, here it is. Keller. Don't worry, Miss Sjersen. Mr Hanssen will take great care of you.”**  
**“I have no doubt of that, Miss Tate. Thank you for taking time out to welcome me.** ”  
She replied in a soft Icelandic burr.  
**“No worries. It's been a pleasure showing you around. I must get on. No rest for the wicked.”**  
Abigail left swiftly, making the arduous trek to the ivory tower.  
**“What do you think of her?** ”  
Henrik turned to her. He knew that, when she first saw Abigail, she was a little frightened.  
**“She seems alright. I think she was a little surprised at my appearance.”**  
**“She knows it wasn’t your fault.”**  
**“I know. So, shall we begin the tour?”**  
**“Gladly.”**  
Henrik used his badge on the scanner and opened the door for her.

  
**“Right then. This is Keller, which specialises in general surgery. We also have the Neurological Unit, which will be your main base.”**  
She walked alongside Henrik as he explained in depth what they do, telling her that even Keller is her main ward, she would be called to other wards to provide a neuro consult.  
Henrik noticed Sacha treating a patient. He cleared his throat to make Sacha aware of his presence. Sacha feigned a startled expression before greeting them both with a smile.  
“ **This is Mr Sacha Levy, Clinical Lead of Keller. Mr Levy, this is Miss Asta Sjersen, the new consultant.”**  
Sacha had heard all about her. She was quite famous for her work. He was a little shocked that Asta had so much experience, in regards to her age.  
**“It's lovely to meet you, Miss Sjersen.”**  
He took Asta’s hand and gave her a firm, but reassuring, hand shake.  
**“Please, call me Asta.”**  
She smiled. She would love working here.  
**“Alright. Welcome to Keller.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
They both left Sacha to his patient.

  
They made their way to the Neuro Unit, where Henrik would hand Asta over to Roxanna for the remainder of the day.  
As they walked slowly, basking in the silence, Asta wanted to say something but she didn’t know what. She understood that the hospital was still recovering.  
Back home, she heard about the shooting last year when it appeared in the news. She had no idea that Henrik had a son. She knew he had his reasons for not telling.  
**“How are you, Henrik?”**  
**“I'm fine, thank you. Getting there. I suppose Roxanna told you.”**  
**“She did. I'm so sorry, Henrik.”**  
She put her hand on his arm, that he met with his own hand.  
**“Thank you, Asta. It's not easy. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. Give Fredrik the attention that he needed. Then everyone would have been saved.**  
**He shook his head.**  
**“It's no use worrying about it now. The damage is done. All we can do now is start the process of healing.”**  
**“I see. How's Roxanna been?”**  
It seemed as if they had walked for an eternity, but Henrik saw the goal in sight.  
**“She's doing good, as well as she can do in the circumstances. All of us are right behind her.**  
**“And are you getting support too?**  
**“Yes. I'm seeing a counsellor.”**  
**“That's really good, Henrik. One step at a time.”**  
They neared the entrance where Roxanna was waiting for them. The sight of an old friend filled her with glee.  
**“Asta!”**  
**“Roxanna!”**  
Asta quickened her pace and happily embraced her close friend, who returned the affection.

  
Roxanna pulled back to have a look at Asta. Despite her burns, she looked incredible.  
**“It's been too long.”**  
Roxanna said, a smile beaming from her face.  
**“It has, my friend.”**  
Henrik felt overjoyed. The gang was back together. However, he did feel apprehensive of what John would do if he knew Asta was here.  
**“Well, I best be off. I leave Asta in your good hands, Roxanna.”**  
Roxanna placed her hand on Asta’s shoulder.  
**“Don't worry, Henrik. I'll look after her. We have much to catch up on.”**  
**“Very well. I'll see you later, Asta.”**  
**“Thank you, Henrik.”**  
Henrik made his way back to Keller, leaving Asta at the Neuro entrance.  
Roxanna sensed her unease.  
**“There's nothing to worry about, Asta. You'll be fine.”**  
**“I know, but its not that.”**  
**“John?”**  
Asta nodded. Roxanna understood. It’s been a while since they last saw each other.  
Even though she knew the source of Asta’s unease, she wanted her to be positive about being here.  
**“John would love to see you again.”**  
**“Would he?”**  
**“Of course he would. He's away at the moment. I'm sure you two can talk when he gets back.”**  
Asta sighed. She didn’t leave John on the best of terms. Perhaps they could talk things through.  
**“Alright.”**  
**“Good. I'll show you around.”**  
Roxanna opened the door and guided Asta through it to her new place of work.  
.....  
Henrik knew what happened between John and Asta. He was aghast that John would do that to his own wife. The trial was their project together. John dropped her as she wasn’t well known back then. She accepted the reasons why but Henrik knew that she was heart-broken.  
_I wonder if she knows what happened recently with the trial_.  
6 years ago, the sponsors for setting up the trial discriminated Asta for being too young and greenhorn to have collaborated with John on the trial. They gave John an ultimatum: Drop Asta or lose all backing. John thought the sponsors heartless and ruthless. Asta had as much right to be part of the trial as he did. She was fuming. Despite the fact she was a well established doctor, they thought of her no more than a child.  
Asta saw how important this was to John. She pleaded him to take the trial forward, for the sake of others and her sister.  
After the meeting, Roxanna witnessed Asta collapsing in tears and took her into her arms. John came out, tears in his eyes, apologising profusely to her.  
Asta had many words to describe the sponsors, namely twats and bastards, as well as Icelandic curse words.  
As the years went on, Asta kept thinking about it. Surely John would have looked another sponsor that would have included her rather than going it alone?  
Henrik thought, at the time, it was underhanded. Now Asta was at Holby, they could finally reconcile.  
....  
John was getting nervous. He was pacing up and down in his lab in Tangiers. Abigail rang him to tell him that he and Roxanna had a new member on their team. She then proceeded to tell him that the new consultant was an superb neurosurgeon, having recently operated on a paraplegic when the odds were against them. John was honoured that someone with astounding medical skills, good work ethic and great interpersonal relationships with colleagues would be joining them.  
Roxanna messaged him to suggest that when he came back, they should have lunch with the new consultant so he could get to know them. John replied, saying that was an excellent idea.  
**“PING”**  
A message alert rang from his computer. He moved swiftly to the chair and clicked on it.  
His eyes widened with extreme surprise.  
It was an article titled “John Gaskell – Saint or Sinner?”  
It detailed what happened at St Helena’s, labelling him a monster and a murderer.  
As John read the article, fear gripped his bones. Who would do such a thing?  
_Wait._  
_Oh no._  
He wondered why they would do this. Then he received an email.  
' _ **Your career is over, Mr Gaskell. Blood is on your hands and it will never go away. I've posted this all over social media. There is no escape. Soon, everyone will be asking questions. So, tell me. What are you?**_  
_**Man or monster?'**_  
The screen faded to black  
John was terrified. That fear turned to anger very quickly. His madness was starting to possess him once more.  
He knew who it was.  
They better look out.  
....  
It had been 3 weeks since Alex posted the article online. He was elevated with excitement but also petrified of what would happen.  
People deserve to know what kind of man he is.  
He ran downstairs to make his afternoon cup of tea.  
**“BANG, BANG, BANG”**  
The door was taking a thorough beating.  
Someone was there.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John recalls his traumatic childhood whilst battling his insanity, Roxanna hopes that she and Henrik can find a way to save him and Abigail decides to uncover the truth about John.

_You damn fool._  
_You let your madness control you again._  
_Many lives have been ruined because of it._  
_But._  
_Then again, that jumped up little fucker shouldn’t have posted it._  
_This is getting out of control._  
_You_  
_Need_  
_Help._  
John's heart was having a seizure. He was in his bathroom, desperately and vigorously, scrubbing his hands to get the blood out. He was trembling, violently. His nerves were shot to pieces. He killed someone who just wanted his brother to be saved.  
He looked at his mirror. His face was drenched in crimson. He saw Fiona, Askari, Adam, Alex and them. They were mocking him, saying that he can't hide forever and that he will be found out. As they tormented him, calling him a murderer, demon and monster, John turned around, only to discover there was no one there.  
This was it.  
His mind was starting to collapse with the guilt of what he did.  
He was beginning to break.  
John took deep breaths to try to reclaim his senses. However, he feared that he was too far gone for them to come back.

  
As a child, his household life was anything but happy. His father was a violent and abusive drunk and womaniser. He berated his wife over little, trivial issues and harassed them both endlessly. He beated John's mother daily, to the point where she couldn’t walk.  
Black eyes, split lips, broken bones. You name it, he did it. He took her where and when he wanted. She couldn't fight back, he was too strong. If she bled afterwards, he would belt her. She protected John from his father's outbursts. John tried to be the best son he could be. To him, his father was strict, but he loved him.  
Until that day.  
John was 16, a withdrawn but intelligent boy. It was the start of the summer holidays and he had finished playing football with his mates. He arrived home early to help his mother make dinner. As he reached his house, he felt that something was wrong. He opened the door, the hinges groaning in the silence.  
He smelt blood.  
He cried for his mother but no reply.  
John progressed through the house, calling his mothers name and getting increasingly worried. His feet carried him to the living room where he stopped in his tracks. His mouth wide with terror. The walls carried a spray of blood. The scent of death was in the air. A lake of red was absorbed by the carpet and, next to it, was John's mother with a gun in her right hand.  
She couldn’t take it anymore, so she took her own life.  
John bursted out crying, wailing for his mother to wake up. But she didn’t respond. She was gone.  
John’s father blamed him for her death, saying that he drove her to it. His father started to drink even more heavily than usual. He had drunken rages every day. He began to abuse John in every way possible. Gaslighting, molesting, starving John of love and affection, torturing him, locking him up like an animal in the basement for weeks on end.

  
At 19, John was broken, both mentally and physically. He wanted to regain control of his life, to become the man his father wasn't. The anger, hate and resentment John built up over the years unleashed itself when his father said that no one would love him.  
John snapped.  
He became insane. He grabbed a cleaver and proceeded to butcher his father to pieces, taking him time so he could take pleasure from his pain. Blood spewed everywhere, the walls, the floor and all over John. As his father screamed in anguish, John laughed manically. He was free from him, but not from his madness. He looked upon his work. A human jigsaw laid before him. He felt in control and it was brilliant. He was no longer the weak, pathetic child his father was ashamed of. He was strong. He left home, striking it with a match to cover up his crime.  
He was in and out of psych wards every year until he reached 30. He was in control of himself and with the help of calming techniques and anti-psychotic medication, he was released among the community.  
All John ever wanted was someone he could share life’s pleasures with, to love him and to give him the affection he craved.

  
At 35, he met Asta.  
She was working as an F1 at St Jude’s Hospital. It was her first day and she was quite shy. John was her mentor. It was Asta's first job after graduating from university at 16. He knew that she was something special. She was friendly with staff and patients, her portfolios were completed in time and proved herself on numerous occasions. After she passed the 1st year, John invited her to work with him in the Neuro unit. She found him intimidating but he eased her fears. As the years went by and with Asta growing into a beautiful woman, John noticed that there was something more to be gained from their relationship. They were the perfect team. At times, they engaged in flirty banter and that made the spark between them even brighter. She was offered a job opportunity in Scotland, where she would meet Roxanna. John urged her to go for it and, at her leaving do, he confessed his feelings for her, which she reciprocated.  
They got married in Iceland, with Roxanna, Henrik and David among the guests.  
It was the happiest day of his life.  
He wondered if she would still love him if she found out the truth.  
All of the blood was gone. He had a shower then changed into his pyjamas. He chucked his soiled and ripped clothes into the wash.  
His breathing became normal.  
This had to stop.  
He already crossed numerous lines regarding the trial and his patients.  
He wasn’t God. Just a mortal man.  
He just wanted to save patients, but he was blind when it came to ethics and morals.  
He believed in his mother's words. That he should be the best he can be.  
The darkness tempted him every day and every day, he submitted to its will.  
Perhaps, now was the time to fight back.  
......  
Roxanna felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.  
She reflected upon the day’s events whilst having a well-deserved break after back to back surgeries.  
She recalled how John couldn't make it to lunch as his flight was delayed. He eventually came back but he missed Asta by a few minutes as she had to go to her physiotherapy session.  
The day was certainly eventful. After Jac’s surgery following her collapse, she developed a post op infection. She and John had opposed views; John insisted on the watch and wait approach, while Roxanna wanted to act. As Henrik was busy putting out the Rumour Fire that Jac was going to die, Roxanna asked Asta to assist. At first, Asta was nervous about operating on a fellow colleague but, with Roxanna's guidance, she made it and the operation was a success.  
What shocked Roxanna the most was John's lack of regard for Jac’s life. If Roxanna had danced to his tune, Jac wouldn’t be here. Roxanna had put her career on the line for him.  
_No more_.  
She did see potential in the trial, but the wrong man was at the helm. She had enough of the lack of trust between them, John hiding information from her and pushing her to the side-lines.  
As much as it pained her to do it, she listened to her head for once and told John that she will no longer work with him on the trial.  
Roxanna was afraid of what John had become.  
At the cost of morals and ethics, he was risking everything to help his patients and salvage his reputation.  
She hoped that her and Henrik wouldn’t be too late to save him.  
......  
Alex opened the door and came face to face with John, who had rage burning in his eyes.  
He knew this was the end.  
John violently shoved Alex to the ground.  
“ **YOU FUCKING BASTARD.”**  
John screamed at the top of his lungs. Alex could sense that John was beyond help.  
He quickly scurried to somewhere safe, but John was on his tail. He grappled with John, both of them giving the other well aimed and powerful blows. Eventually, Alex gained the upper hand and knocked John unconscious. He ran to the phone in the kitchen, barely breathing with shock, to call the police.  
**“You have reached the emergency services, how we can help?”**  
**“You have to come quick, there's someone here who's trying to kill me**.”  
Alex’s heart was collapsing. His breathing became more rapid. He needed the police, and fast.  
**“Sir, if you could try and stay calm. We’ll send a police car round. What's your address?”**  
**“Uh, its, uh, 15 Birch ....”**  
**‘BOOOOP’**  
His heart stopped. All he could hear was the dial tone.  
The phone was dead.  
Cut off.  
Fear erupted within him. He was alone. With a murdering psychopath in his house.

  
**“Looking for this?”**  
Alex drew a quick breath.  
_He was knocked out a few minutes ago_.  
The voice made his skin crawl.  
He slowly turned around, dreading what would happen next.  
John was in the doorway, holding the cut phone wire in one hand and a knife on the other.  
The room became Alex's prison. There was only one way out, and that was guarded by the Angel of Death.  
He saw no other means to escape. The Grim Reaper was waiting to claim him.  
John walked slowly towards him, ready to strike.  
Sweat was falling, drowning Alex's clothes  
He felt the rush of adrenaline in his body. He was going to get out or die trying.  
He launched himself at John and sent him flying into the glass coffee table, which shattered under the weight. He fled to the door and frantically turned the handle. But it was no use.  
The door was locked.

  
“ **AAAAAAAAAAAHHH**!”  
A stinging, searing pain shook through his left leg.  
“ **You're not going anywhere.”**  
John had carved open Alex's leg and severed the tendons inside, slicing them like pieces of string. Alex was unable to move very far.  
Alex managed, gritting his teeth through the pain, to do a half turn to face his killer.  
John paused for a moment. He tried regaining his sanity by banging his head against the wall but, sadly it didn’t work. Why did he stop taking his meds? He thought he could control it without it but, alas that wasn’t the case. His mind was a broken mirror; even though it was back together, the cracks were still there. All sense of rationality had disappeared. There was nothing Alex could do.  
The rage in John's mind transformed into speech.  
**“I told you what would happen if you revealed anything about me. But nooo. YOU DIDN'T FUCKING LISTEN, YOU LITTLE SHIT!**  
**Now you shall receive what's coming to you.”**  
Alex was concerned, a rat trapped in a cage with a very hungry snake.  
The last view he saw was John closing in on him, an unnerved smile on his lips.  
_People deserved to know the truth._  
Gradually everything went dark, and John's insane cackle soothed Alex to sleep.  
......  
The rain drummed a calming rhythm on the window. The room was dark as the sun slept and black clouds told the time of day. She breathed into the silence. Being in the ivory tower was exhausting and monotonous. Like Henrik, Abigail preferred surgeries over meetings, but the GMC insisted she was CEO. She made herself comfortable in the leather chair and, staring vacantly into the emptiness, anxiety entered her mind.  
She had only been CEO for 6 months and already a storm was brewing, drawing closer by the day. Whatever happened, she would handle it to the best of her ability.  
She was more concerned about John. About what lengths he would go to keep his reputation untarnished. Abigail knew he was a genius but had doubts about his loyalty.  
She feared that neither she or the hospital could survive the potential scandal.  
It could provide her with a chance to truly prove herself.  
Whispers and rumours haunted every ward; that she was a greenhorn and that she would never be half the CEO Mr Hanssen was.  
She heard saying that she would be a total push over.  
_Those idiots. I'll show them._  
Every day was a struggle to try to get the staff to listen to her.  
Maybe she was too soft.  
Instead of harbouring these suspicions, she should confront John outright.  
Yes.  
That's what she’ll do.  
_He's been very secretive._  
_Time to find out why._


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik looks back on his therapy sessions whilst heading to Keller with Dom for a dual operation, Abigail hires a detective to find out what John has been up to and Asta finally meets her husband.

The air had a chill to it. The trees felt a shiver coursing through their trunks.  
Henrik was exposed to the bite when he left his car. Luckily, he had prepared in advance. A scarf in altering hues of blue was wrapped comfortably around his neck. He had a cheery disposition. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this. Perhaps the therapy sessions were starting to work. He had much to look forward to. Dr Copeland would be accompanying him for a few surgeries. When Henrik heard that Sacha had taken personal leave, he understood perfectly. He knew some of Sacha’s troubles, but not all. Although they have slightly different personalities, Henrik thought of Sacha as a close friend and confidante. Henrik could easily sympathise with him. After all, he was fighting the same battle himself. He was content in the knowledge that Sacha didn’t go through with his suicide attempt.  
There were many occasions where he could have killed himself. But Henrik took to another coping mechanism. Every night, he would get any sharp object and cut.  
Anywhere.  
His arms, legs, chest, neck. It was the only thing to release the pain he was feeling. In some instances, he would etch on his skin words such as pathetic, weak, heartless, monster etc. Afterwards, he felt a huge weight lift of his shoulders. He tried his best to hide the scars from prying eyes but eventually Roxanna found him barely alive after tearing his arms to shreds in the men's toilets with a scalpel. Blood coated the basin, the walls, the floor like a massacre had took place. How he never died of blood loss, he didn’t know. After Roxanna bandaged his arms and torso, she told him that he was lucky to not have cut any nerves as the cuts were so deep. He wept in her arms as he revealed everything that led to this.  
It was amazing how that took place 3 weeks ago.  
He had come a long way. He became more open during his therapy sessions as, at first, he didn’t like revealing his personal thoughts to a tweed wearing toff with a note pad and pen. He was extremely honoured to have Roxanna as a friend.  
_I wonder how she's getting on._

  
A few days ago, Roxanna asked Henrik if he would cover for her as she was going to look into the trial further. He wished her all the best and she gave him a peck on the cheek. A slight redness emerged onto his face.  
All he told John was that she had gone on leave for a while, which went down well.  
He desperately walked into the entrance to escape the bitter cold. He ordered a vanilla latte, which he held in a protective manner as it was his only external source of heat.  
He moved towards the lift, waiting patiently for it to come down.  
**“Good morning, Mr Hanssen.”**  
Henrik turned, and there was Dom, wearing a brightly rainbow coloured beanie hat and a black scarf Lofty got for his birthday.  
**“Ah, good morning, Dr Copeland. Looking forward to our team up on the surgeries?”**  
**“I am, thank you. It's been a while.”**  
**“It has.”**  
**“I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye in the past but I admire and respect you as a fellow surgeon.”**  
Henrik smiled. He was fully aware that Dom had been through a lot over the last couple of years and it was nice to know that, after years of animosity, they developed a mutual respect for one another.  
**“I feel the same towards you, Dr Copeland.”**  
**PING**.

  
The arrival of the lift interrupted the moment.  
“ **After you, Mr Hanssen.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
**“Do you know what's first today?”**  
**“Well, you and I are going to extract a large tumour from the lungs of Mrs Swann, then we're doing a dual operation with Miss Sjersen, with Professor Gaskell assisting.”**  
**“How do you know her?”**  
**“She and I have been friends for a few years.”**  
**“Ah.”**  
Henrik started to ponder if John had seen her yet. He would ask when he saw him.  
The lift closed, transporting them both to Keller.  
.....  
“ **I suppose you can tell me why I'm here.”**  
The cold air matched the frosty tension inside.  
The gentleman was quite impatient. He had waited for Abigail to finish her meeting. He was wearing a 3 piece black suit, which was clean and precise. It was partly hidden by a long navy trench coat. His trousers were nearly pressed and his brogues polished to a high shine.  
Short salt and pepper hair was slightly slicked back. A man of around mid 40s, early 50s.  
The one feature that was really striking was his emerald eyes, tempting and seductive. Abigail felt that all of her Christmases had come at once.  
She was sat in the chair, arms folded on the desk, eyeing up the stranger.  
“ **I've heard you're the best in your field. Is that true?”**  
The man smiled.  
“ **Let's just say, I’m good at what I do. I get results quickly.”**  
He replied, in a soft Liverpudlian lilt.  
“ **Good.”**  
**“However, there is the matter of my fee.”**  
Abigail scoffed. It seemed that the man only had business on his mind. Shame. He had barely been in the room five minutes and already he was onto the money matter.

  
“ **Don't worry. You'll receive the full amount.”**  
**“Excellent. So, who's the target?”**  
Abigail withdrew a file from the cabinet and placed it in front of him. He took the file and began to scour the pages.  
“ **His name's John Gaskell. A professor and my Medical Director.”**  
**“Why him?”**  
**“No doubt you've heard of the his stem cell trial.”**  
**“I have. A few patients have died, but you think there's something more than that.”**  
**“I do and I want you to find out what.”**  
**“Find the skeletons in his closet.”**  
**“Exactly.”**  
**“Very well, Miss Tate. I won't let you down.”**  
**“I hope not. You'll get the money when I have all the evidence.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
The man left in silence, as if he wasn’t there.  
Abigail sighed. She wished she didn’t have to resort to this but she was left with no option. If John was hiding something that could endanger the entire hospital and staff, it was her duty to find out.  
.....  
The smell of a well earned caramel hot chocolate roused Asta from her weariness. She didn’t sleep again last night as her mind was occupied with thoughts of her sister, John and the past.  
The cream lace blouse hugged her curves and the black trousers shaped her legs perfectly. This, paired with black heels, created a smart and elegant look. A star shaped clip pinned her hair back so that her elfin features could be seen. She found it a little odd that Roxanna went off without telling her. If it was personal, she understood.  
Butterflies were making her stomach churn. She would be working alongside John in theatre with Henrik and Dr Copeland. She felt so jittery. It had been a while since they last worked together. She would operate to the best of her ability.  
“ **Excuse me, you must be the new consultant.”**  
Asta froze. His voice. How long she missed it.  
**“You must forgive me for not meeting you earlier. My schedule was full with meetings and surgeries. Such is the life of a Medical Director. I'm Professor John Gaskell. I understand we're working together this afternoon.”**  
**“We are.”**  
She was elevated that he was here. But, of course, she had to be professional. She took a few deep breaths and turned to John.  
He was shocked.  
“ **Asta?!”**  
**“Hello, John.”**  
His shock instantly changed to surprise. He couldn’t believe she was actually here, after all these years.  
**“YOU'RE the new consultant?!”**  
**“I am**.”  
He went around the desk and cradled her face in his hands.  
**“I've missed you so much.”**  
He planted a gentle kiss on her lips. So soft and supple.  
“ **And I, you.”**  
She smiled. It seemed an eternity since the last time they met.  
“ **We have much to talk about.”**  
John looked lovingly at Asta. She was everything to him, his world.  
**“We do.”**

  
They were starting to enjoy their intimate moment with each other when Henrik appeared out of thin air.  
**“Ah, I see you two have finally met.”**  
**“You knew, Henrik?** ”  
John was a little surprised that Henrik hid Asta’s arrival from him for so long.  
**“Yes, I’m afraid so.”**  
John turned to Asta and gave her another kiss.  
“ **Anyway, are you both ready?”**  
**“I am.”**  
**“So am I.”**  
**“Good. Shall we?”**  
**“Asta, why don’t we have a drink after work? We can talk about what we've been up to.”**  
**“I would love that very much.”**  
They joined Henrik on his way to theatre.  
Henrik didn’t notice but they held hands, both full of joy that they found each other at last.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna updates Henrik on her progress, unaware that someone else is listening. On her way home to meet Asta for dinner, Roxanna's life is placed in danger.

He couldn’t sleep.  
No matter how he tried, his thoughts prevented him from entering a peaceful slumber.  
He laid in silence, staring at the ceiling.  
He started to think whether or not he did the right thing, telling Mr Hanssen and Miss Macmillan the truth about John.  
A shiver crept up his spine.  
He knew if John found out, he would kill him for sure.  
Why did he let himself get into this mess?  
He should have gone back home when it happened but professional and personal reasons compelled him to stay.  
Maybe it wasn’t too late.  
Arthur stared at the window, wondering if he was out there.  
Watching.  
Waiting.  
He dismissed the thought.  
The true nature of his friend, along with what occurred at St Helena’s, left him paranoid and depressed. The doctor prescribed him with anti- depressants, which worked if he remembered to take them.

  
His mind did drift to escape this hell by taking a lethal cocktail a few times but the thought of hiks wife and baby daughter drove those urges away.  
He was on leave by doctor's orders.  
One of his colleagues found him teetering on the edge of the roof.  
He couldn’t live like this.  
He had to leave.  
And he will.  
He booked a flight home this morning. He was staying there for as long as he needed. The Nordic countryside would do him the world of good.  
The smell of pine trees enticing his senses, leaves rustling under his feet, the warmth of the open log fire, cuddling with his wife on the sofa, entwined in each other's arms. The thought of it was pure bliss.  
Help was what he needed the most. The guilt of not stopping John would be his torment for the rest of his life and he accepted that. His wife messaged him to say that she will be with him every step of the way, which brought a smile to his face and a tear to his eye.  
Arthur hoped that the nightmares he's had since that day will finally come to an end.  
.....  
“ **Have you found anything, Roxanna?”**  
Henrik was having lunch in the staffroom. Homemade vegetable soup with a slice of bread would fill him up for the rest of the day. He was about to proceed eating the fruit of his labour when he received a phone call from Roxanna. For him, it was soothing to hear her voice again as he was worried about her.  
“ **No, not yet. There's so much to go through but I'm doing my best.”**  
Henrik paused for a moment. He detected a presence by the door.  
Someone was listening in.  
“ **You alright, Henrik?”**  
**“Someone is eavesdropping on us.”**  
He whispered, not wanting the other person to hear.  
He waited until he saw the figure go away.  
He rushed to the door in a mild panic. He opened it, to see John storming away from him.  
_Fuck_.  
There was a slight chance it wasn’t him at the door but if it was....  
Both him and Roxanna would be in danger.  
“ **Henrik?!”**  
**“Roxanna, you should get back. Now!”**  
.....  
**SLAM**!  
The door felt the force of John's rage.  
_What was he talking about?_  
Fear was setting in.  
They were hiding something.  
John's heart began to race.  
Then he realised.  
They were both against him.  
He should have seen it.  
The meetings, the calls in secrecy.  
Wherever Roxanna was, whatever she was doing, spelt bad news.  
He was so close.  
No one was going to get in his way.  
Not even them.  
His thoughts turned to Asta.  
What would happen if she knew?  
So far, she was kept in the dark about all this.  
He couldn’t bear losing her again.  
It would be torture .  
Dear, sweet Asta.  
He didn’t deserve her.  
She loved him with all her heart.  
She saw past his flaws to uncover his true personality; broken, unloved and scared.  
She was his rock. He owed her so much.  
If she left him again, it wouldn’t be worth living.  
.....  
“ **How long did Professor Gaskell work here?”**  
**“About, 10 years.”**  
**“First impressions?”**  
**“Well, he was kind, polite to both staff and patients, very determined.”**  
**“Did you notice anything odd?”**  
**“He was a little unsociable, at first. I put it down to the fact that it was his first day at a new place of work. However, after he settled in fully, he came to work do’s and leaving parties. He integrated with his colleagues, laughing and joking. He seemed a good man.”**  
**“Were you shocked when you found out what he'd done?”**  
**“Shocked isn't the word. I was terrified, appalled that he could do such a thing. I know the patients weren't angels themselves but they didn't deserve that.”**  
**“What do you mean ‘weren't angels themselves’?”**  
**“They were involved in a collision a few years before. They had sideswept a car containing John's wife and her sister, who is still in a medically induced coma.”**  
**“And the wife?”**  
**“She barely made it. She was lucky. 2nd degree burns all over her body.**  
**“I see.”**  
**“Forgive me for prying, but why are you interested in what happened here?”**  
**“It's for a friend. A relative of hers was in the bed next to one of the victims as well as being under the Professor’s care.”**  
**“Ah.”**  
**“Well, thank you for your time, Mr Hughes.”**  
**“No problem. Glad I could help**.”  
.......  
Roxanna was so relieved to get off the plane. The flight home wasn’t that long and she found the evidence she had been looking for. The weather wasn’t what she hoped for. It was raining quite heavily.  
To top it off, Asta texted her if she wanted to meet for dinner and a proper catch up, to which Roxanna replied yes.  
She got into her pastel-pink, 15 year old Fiat Punto and made her way to the Italian restaurant.  
She was doing 50mph, a good and steady speed. She glanced at the petrol meter.  
_I've got enough to get there. I can't wait for this. I desperately need a lasagne with a nice bottle of red._  
The radio was turned on to make the journey more bearable.  
She was humming along to ‘Cosmic Love ‘ by Florence + the Machine. It was her favourite.  
Her cheery mood quickly soured when she saw the queue of traffic a couple of miles long, due to roadwork's.  
_Bloody typical._  
Her Punto was reliable when it wanted to be. So far, it hadn't let her down.  
She texted Asta, saying she would be a little late and to not worry.  
After she escaped the confines of the roadwork's, she gently put her foot down.  
She was a few miles away.  
A bright flash lit up her mirrors and temporarily dazzled her.  
A Volvo came out of nowhere and it was tailgating her.

  
_Where the hell did this lunatic come from?_  
Roxanna felt a little intimidated but she wasn't going to speed up for their sake. She would take her time.  
**CRASH**!  
_You bastard._  
The Volvo rammed into the back of her.  
**CRASH!**  
**CRASH!**  
They were trying to run her off the road. Roxanna and the car were on the motorway at night. It was quiet now. She started to fear for her life. Her car was struggling to recoil from the damage.  
Eventually, they pulled back.  
Roxanna breathed, the panic released from her body. It was probably someone who had too much to drink. In which case, where was the police?  
Roxanna glanced at her right wing mirror to see the Volvo accelerating until it was level with her. They went past the barriers that divided the road in two. There was only chevrons and they weren't going to be much help against a lunatic.  
Roxanna kept the car straight and looked towards the driver's window to find out who this mad man was but the windows were tinted.

  
The car moved closer and closer until the driver doors merged into one.  
**CRASH!**  
**CRASH**!  
As if getting hit up the rear wasn’t bad enough, the Volvo was slamming against Roxanna’s car repeatedly, trying to get her on the other side into oncoming traffic.  
_I wish they would fuck off._  
The Volvo locked onto her, trapping her car in its vice like jaws.  
Roxanna heard a loud horn.  
She looked in front of her.  
Blood was draining from her face.  
The car had pushed into the path of an artic lorry.  
The Volvo pulled back in the nick of time.  
But for Roxanna, it was too late.  
.......  
**BEEP BEEP**  
“ **Hello?”**  
**Henrik, it's Asta.”**  
Henrik was getting ready for bed. He had just got dressed into his checked pyjamas and was sitting on the edge of his bed.  
**“Asta, are you alright? Why are you ringing at this hour?”**  
He noticed that Asta had a worried tone to her voice.  
**“You have to come quick, something's happened to Roxanna. Oh God...”**  
**“Asta, try and stay calm. What's happened?”**  
**“She's been involved in a car crash.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While watching over Roxanna, Henrik confesses his feelings for her. John risks taking drastic action to keep his secret safe and Darke discovers priceless information.

The dim glow of the lamp softly illuminated the room. The blind was closed for privacy. A gentle pitter patter of rain danced upon the window. The smell of flowers lingered in the air. The Keller staff bought them for her. They made sure to put white roses in the bouquet as they were her favourite; a reminder of her wedding.  
Henrik barely left her.  
**BEEEEP, BEEEEP.**  
It was quiet, apart from the equipment that was keeping her alive. His eyes turned to the patient in the bed.  
Operating on one of your own was difficult, not to mention nerve-wracking. If anything happened to them, the blame was at your door.  
Henrik was unsettled by the state she was in.  
In surgery, he and Asta worked tirelessly to repair the damage inflicted on her. He tried to keep it together using his natural stoic approach but Asta saw the pain shining through his eyes.  
They both agreed to place her in an induced coma in order to give her body time to heal.  
The report from the paramedics drained blood from his whole body. She was lucky she didn’t die on the way here. She had severe spinal trauma, dislocated collar bone that broke the skin, severe bruising all over her body, traumatic injury to her arm that he and Asta managed to plate together, small cuts to her face, lacerations on her legs and abdomen.

  
**“Oh, Roxanna.”**  
His voice was breaking, full of sorrow. The police said that something forced her towards the opposite side of the road, in front of an artic lorry that, due to the weather conditions, jackknifed when the driver braked suddenly. It was him that called the ambulance and stayed with her until they arrived.  
She looked beautiful, a dream in Henrik’s eyes.  
_Who could have done this to her?_  
He already lost a loved one, he didn’t want to lose another. She was barely alive.  
He was outraged that some low life caused this. His fists were clenched so tight, the knuckles were as pale as a ghost.  
He had been contemplating the alternative scenarios; if only he picked up from the airport, if only the flight was delayed, if only..  
He couldn't think like that. What's done is done.  
**KNOCK, KNOCK.**  
**“Henrik?”**  
He glanced up to see Asta by the door, holding two coffees in a tray. He was glad of the company.  
**“Do you mind if I join you?”**  
She had to ask. She would understand completely if he wanted to be left alone.  
“ **Not at all.”**  
Asta gave the tray of coffees to Henrik, while she got a chair from by the wall and walked to the opposite of the bed. She sat down and Henrik passed the other coffee to her.  
**“Thank you.”**  
He said softly. Both of them could hear the melancholy in his words.  
**“Roxanna is a fighter, Henrik. She will pull through.”**  
**“I hope so.”**  
**“It's just a matter of waiting.”**  
Henrik nodded. He really wasn’t in the mood to talk but he knew Asta was trying her best.  
**“Where's John? I thought he would be here.”**  
Asta was confused as to why John hadn't come in to check on her.  
**“Your guess is as good as mine.”**

  
He thought what could be more important to John than seeing his friend.  
He placed his coffee on the floor  
His heart was on the verge of overflowing. The thought of losing her for good opened the barriers and all emotions came out in a cascade of tears.  
“ **Henrik..”**  
Asta rushed to his side and pulled his body into her arms.  
**“Shh, shh. It's ok, Henrik, it’s alright. Shhhh....”**  
Asta could feel her eyes welling up. She placed her head on Henrik’s shoulders and released her emotions.  
**“It's going to be alright.”**  
She whispered to him in an attempt to soothe him.  
Henrik took sharp breaths as he tried to regain himself.  
“ **I don’t want to lose her.”**  
He said, having paused for a moment.  
**“I know you don't.”**  
After half an hour, Henrik was relaxed and composed. He felt a little better now that all the pent up sadness and fear was released. He finished his coffee, which had turned cold while he was pouring his heart out to Asta.  
**“If it's ok, I'm going to go home now, Henrik. It's 1:00 am.”**  
**“Ok. Get some rest. You deserve it, Asta. Thank you for all you've done. I know it hasn't been easy operating on Roxanna but you did very well.”**  
**“Thanks. What are you going to do?”**  
**“I'm staying here. Just to keep an eye on things. There's an on call room opposite so I'll go in there in a little while.”**  
**“Very well. Good night, Henrik.”**  
**“Good night, Asta.”**

  
With Asta gone, it was just the two of them. Henrik wouldn’t have it any other way. He could open up to her.  
**“You may think this strange but I have something that I wish to share to you.”**  
He gulped. He didn’t have the courage to tell her before as many factors had hindered him.  
He had to tell her before it was too late.  
**“You are an amazing woman. Throughout university and here at the hospital, you have helped me through a great deal and, for that, you have my eternal gratitude.”**  
He took her hand and held it gently.  
**“I couldn't have asked for a better friend and colleague to work alongside with. The fact is ....”**  
He stopped. He knew that David would always be the one for her but they had grown closer since starting their investigation on John.  
_Come on, Henrik. Show some spine._  
“ **The fact is that I love you, Roxanna and I will always be by your side.”**  
He looked at the clock, eyes bleary from tiredness.  
1:45 am.  
**“Well, its time for me to go now. I shall leave you to rest.”**  
He brushed back a lock of her hair and kissed her forehead.  
**“Good night, Roxanna. Sweet dreams.”**  
He would try and sleep but he would never stop thinking about her.  
As the door to the side room closed on Henrik, a tear fell from Roxanna’s eye.  
.......  
The darkness left his body.  
He broke down in tears over what he'd done.  
He was on his bed going over what happened.  
It wasn't his fault that he turned out like this.  
The madness controlled him once more.  
If Roxanna died, he couldn't bear it.  
She knew too much. If she lived, she would ruin everything he worked for.  
He was at breaking point.  
He had really gone too far this time.  
There was only one solution to ensure Roxanna’s silence.

  
He brushed aside the tears.  
Asta, his beloved, still had no idea.  
He would never tell her, he couldn't.  
The night brought peace and quiet, stability for his mind.  
He was going to take action once and for all.  
John hurried downstairs to hunt for his medication.  
After turning the kitchen upside down, he found his prize and took the recommended dosage.  
_It's not too late. I can recover from this._  
This was too much for him to handle.  
All he had to do was to keep calm and to try and figure a way out of this.  
But one thing was clear.  
In order to ease his conscience, Roxanna had to die.  
The guilt would crush him but he was left with no alternative.  
....  
It was a cold and bitter morning. John took a deep breath. His plan would be carried out today. The surgeon in charge of Roxanna’s care was Asta, who stated that, as Roxanna was in a critical condition, only personnel that were directly involved in her case could see her. As Medical Director, he had the power to overrule her. He didn’t wish to pull rank on her but it had to be done.  
He walked to the lift, cool, calm and collected.  
No one would even notice. They would assume that her body was too weak to pull through.  
His secret would be taken to Roxanna's grave.  
As he walked across the ward to ITU, he saw Asta coming towards him, in a world of her own.  
**“Ahem.”**  
John cleared his throat to warn her that he was there before she collided into him.  
She stopped just in time.  
**“Ah, good morning, John.”**  
**“Good morning, Asta.”**  
He gave her a peck on the forehead and wrapped his arms around her waist. It was clear that, from John’s gaze, he wanted to take it further. He moved his hands up and down her waist. If she hadn't had surgeries booked for all day, they could sneak off and reacquaint with each other.  
Asta knew this and, although flattered by the subtle suggestion, she gently unwrapped herself from his hold.  
**“Less of that, thank you. We're at work.”**  
**“Of course, my dear. I'm sorry.”**  
Asta smiled. He knew that she didn’t mean it harshly. He would behave, for now.  
She was wearing a maroon dress, with a black belt sitting comfortably around her waist, which had her ID badge clipped on. Her blue hair framed her face perfectly. It made John want her even more. To hold her body next to his, to hear her heartbeat, to trace her naked body with his hands, to feel the passion flowing throughout his body. It was pleasure.  
Sadly, that would have to wait until work had finished.  
**“How is she, Asta?”**  
Although seeing Asta in all her beauty was a bonus, John turned to the real reason for his visit.  
**“She's stable, for now. I've placed half hour obs on her.”**  
**“May I see her?”**  
**“Well, not meaning any offence but you're not involved with her case. Only personnel that are involved can see her.”**  
**“What about as a friend?”**

  
Asta was a bit dubious. She knew that he was Medical Director and could pull rank on her, but she was concerned about Roxanna's wellbeing and her health came first. But then again, Roxanna and John were old friends and he was worried about her.  
She sighed.  
_I suppose a few minutes wouldn't hurt_.  
**“Alright, you have five minutes.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
They both walked towards ITU.  
_Oh Asta. If only you knew._  
He smirked.  
Even after all these years, she didn’t know what he was truly capable of. She had seen slight outbursts of his madness but not full bouts. There was a padded room in their house in London, that if he felt that he was going to hurt her, he would lock himself in there for hours until he calmed down.  
When they reached ITU, he saw Roxanna lying on the bed.  
_How sweet._  
Little did she know what was in store in her.  
**“Any change?”**  
**“Her oxygen levels are increasing and her brain is showing stable activity.”**  
_It will show no activity by the time I'm finished with her._  
**“Are you ok, John?”**  
**“I'm fine. It's just the shock of seeing her like this.”**  
**“I understand. The police are coming in to question us this afternoon.”**  
**“Alright. Do you mind if I have some time alone?”**  
**“Not at all, but remember, five minutes.”**  
John nodded. Five minutes was all he needed.

  
Asta left to order blood tests  
She didn’t know that Roxanna was in danger.  
John gazed upon her like a snake ready to pounce. He went to get a pair of medical gloves.  
**“I'm sorry, Rox but I had to. You know too much. You could wreck everything I've worked for. I just wish things had turned out differently between us.”**  
He made his way towards her and placed his hands on the oxygen tube.  
**“Forgive me, but I can't let you live.”**  
He started to tamper with the tube, restricting the oxygen flow to her.  
She began to choke. She couldn't breathe.  
As the oxygen got less and less, her body moved violently.  
_That's right, Rox. Fight for your life._  
“ **JOHN?!”**  
He ceased what he was doing.  
_Shit._  
He turned to see Asta and Henrik staring at him.  
........  
Abigail gave him the code to John's wet lab. She said that he would be doing surgeries all day so he would be safe.  
He was slightly amazed of how organised and tidy the place was.  
Never mind that. He had work to do.  
As he turned left upon walking in, he found the cupboard which contained a large jar. He peered in to have a closer look at the label.  
‘Embryos of Julie Bloom.’  
He didn’t know much about medicine but what he did know was that the use of embryos for anything other than procreation was unethical and illegal. He reached for his pocket camera and took a picture.  
He wanted to leave everything undisturbed so that John wouldn’t get suspicious.

  
There was nothing much in the wet lab so he went to the office.  
He started at the far end, taking pictures of the trial patients.  
Something caught his eye.  
He saw a pile of papers on John's desk.  
He picked the first one up and examined it.  
‘Human stem cells’  
It was an invoice for a delivery. He looked at the address.  
From the Far East?!  
He read that the cause of death from the 3 patients was a post op infection. It was possible that the human stem cells were responsible.  
He smiled.  
This information was gold.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik confronts John about calling Asta's memory into question, while Darke makes Asta aware of the truth.

Asta couldn't believe it.  
She saw John tampering with Roxanna's oxygen tube.  
When she reported him to Miss Tate, he claimed that he was trying to fix it as it was starting to come loose.  
Asta dismissed this, saying that John was trying to kill her. She and Henrik both saw it.  
The more she thought about it, the less she became sure.  
Could it be that her eyes were playing tricks on her?  
Abigail had noticed that, since Roxanna's accident, Asta was getting no sleep at all and she may be suffering from sleep deprivation.  
_I know what I saw. He was choking the life out of her. She could hardly breathe._  
After Henrik and John had returned to the wards, Asta confessed to Abigail that she was an insomniac due to her accident, along with other personal issues. She said that she only got around three hours sleep a night and worrying about Roxanna had made it worse, to the point where she was awake all the time.  
Abigail had recommended that she should take some leave to get help  
_Was it really an illusion?_  
_Am I imagining things?_  
She knew something wasn’t right when she saw her brother in the café.  
He had been dead for 10 years.

  
It was pointless going on like this.  
In her frame of mind, she could easily put someone in danger.  
_Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me. John has no reason for wanting Roxanna dead._  
Over the past few days, she felt some tension in the air between him, Henrik and Roxanna.  
She grew worried about John's mental state. She knew how quick he could turn.  
One thing that made her curious was that a man was looking for her. She found a calling card on her desk with a request to give him a ring to arrange a meeting place and time.  
She wondered what he wanted her for.  
.....  
_Oh, Asta. Why couldn't you just leave me be?_  
John was in the lab, thinking about what had happened. He abhorred the fact that he implied his wife was hallucinating when she wasn't.  
If only Asta had waited a few minutes longer.  
Roxanna was safe. He didn’t do enough damage to render her brain dead. She was alive.  
He had to be careful.  
No.  
He was physically and emotionally drained.  
He committed this. He was responsible for the state of her.  
_Why? Why?!_  
He cried into his arms. He didn’t know what to do. If he came clean, it would destroy everything. His life, his career, his reputation.  
His marriage.  
He already lost Asta once. Never again.  
However, if he was silent, more people will get hurt. Today, Roxanna. Tomorrow, many more. Who would be next?  
He was at a crossroads. On the left, the light of redemption. The right, the darkness and his insanity. Ever since his uni days, John always chose the right. But now, he wasn't too sure. Was it too late for him to redeem himself?  
He thought about ending his life many times, to end the cruel infliction of his mind and to spare Asta the pain of carrying his legacy.  
And many times, he extinguished the thought.

  
He would never leave her. She was his world, his everything. She gave him a reason to live and to love. Like him, she had no one else. When they got married, he vowed to be by her side, for as long as they lived.  
He never knew love, thanks to his father. When they first dated, he didn’t know what to do, how to act as he hadn't experienced it before. Asta knew about his past, he told her. She had the patience of a saint. She told him that these things take time and that she would wait for as long as he needed to be comfortable with himself. That showed John that she cared for him deeply and intimately and that touched his heart in a way it never had been before.  
She was a keeper. If she was willing to do that for him, he would repay her in kind.  
He noticed that she was worried about him. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth.  
He needed to get away from all this. With her. He was inches away from shattering. He was terrified of what he'd do if that happened. He could hurt Asta, an act of which he would never forgive himself.  
He had to make a choice.  
The darkness or the light?  
.......  
**TICK, TICK**.  
The clock was on repeat, providing the mind numbing sound that could easily irritate someone.  
Henrik, thankfully, wasn’t one of them. He was sitting beside Roxanna, keeping watch.  
He got some sleep but he couldn't cease worrying about Roxanna.  
Did she hear his declaration?  
Time would tell when she awakened.  
Putting that aside, he had no idea what stunt John was trying to pull by calling Asta’s memory into question.  
He wouldn’t put anything past him.  
**“Henrik?”**  
_Ah, speak of the devil_.  
John was in his snake green scrubs. He had a double espresso in hand. Back to back surgeries awaited him as he was taking over Roxanna's patients.  
**“Morning, John.”**  
His voice became dismissive. He knew that John being here was a bad thing. He didn’t know why but it was a feeling he had. He didn’t want him here, lest he tried again.  
**“Something wrong, Henrik?”**  
_That voice of nonchalance. I hate it. What is he trying to prove?_

  
**“Yes, there is.”**  
**“Oh? Go on.”**  
**“What the hell were you trying to pull, calling Asta’s memory to account?”**  
John was stunned. He had never seen Henrik like this.  
**“She accused me of trying to kill Roxanna, Henrik.”**  
**“And were you?”**  
He was more sharp in his speaking. John was hiding something and Henrik knew it.  
**“Why are you turning on me?”**  
**“Answer the question, John!”**  
**“No, I didn't. I'll tell you the same as I told Miss Tate.”**  
John drew closer to Henrik. Menace lingered in his voice.  
**“The pipe was pulling out. I fixed it.”**  
Henrik stood up. He wasn’t going to be intimidated by anyone, especially him.

  
**“I don’t believe you.”**  
**“Henrik, you've barely slept.”**  
**“DON'T YOU DARE TURN THIS AROUND ON ME!”**  
Henrik was surprised at himself. He cared about Asta and he wasn’t prepared for her to be brought into disrepute because of John.  
His anger was calming down. He took a few deep breaths.  
**“I know what I saw, John. And Asta does too.** ”  
John's rage was growing.  
**“Oh, do you?. Neither of you have slept. You were both hallucinating. It's sleep deprivation, Henrik!”**  
**“I wasn't dreaming, John. Asta is doubting herself because of you.”**  
John smirked.  
He saw that Henrik was starting to become a problem.  
**“You honestly think that I would hurt our friend, to take a life?”**  
**“Well, that hasn’t stopped you before, has it, John?”**  
**“What?!”**  
_Shit_.

  
Henrik couldn't help it. The words just came out. He had to backtrack, fast.  
**“What do you mean, Henrik?”**  
The menace button was switched on again.  
**“I didn’t mean anything. Slip of the tongue.”**  
Henrik's palms were saturated. He knew what John was capable of. John stood a few feet away, angered, fist clenched, teeth gritted.  
_You don’t know who you're messing with, Henrik._  
**“I hope, for your sake, that it was.”**  
**BEEP, BEEP.**  
Saved by the bell.  
Henrik sighed. He had seen the mask slip.  
John took out his pager.  
**‘Theatre is waiting for you, Professor.**  
**E.’**  
John stared at Henrik with a mad glint in his eye. He then left without saying a word  
Henrik could breathe again.  
......  
Asta saw the patients coming and going from where she sat in the café. A deep purple blouse was her top of choice, teamed up with black trousers and heels.  
She was apprehensive. She didn’t know why this man wanted her. She kept shuffling in her seat to try and banish her nerves.  
Asta glanced into her hot chocolate, waiting for him to arrive. It was quite soothing and hypnotising. She could easily forget her troubles.  
“ **Miss Sjersen?”**  
She looked up. The man was there in front of her, holding a file.  
**“Oh, um, hello.”**  
**“I apologise if I have made you a little uneasy.”**  
**“It's quite alright. Please have a seat.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
Asta was intrigued about him. The flecks of grey in his hair, the emerald eyes. He was quite the looker. She could feel his eyes over her face.  
He was looking at her burns.  
She turned away. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.  
**“Forgive me. Have I offended you, Miss Sjersen?”**  
**“It's fine. I'm not used to people staring at them.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
**“Would you like a drink, Mr ...?”**  
**“Darke. I'll have a tea please. One sugar. No milk.”**  
**“Alright. I'll be right back.”**

  
As Asta left to get the tea, his eyes were admiring her body. She had a gorgeous figure, one that women dreamed of.  
He found her very attractive, unlike Miss Tate.  
Asta was his type.  
Darke shook himself to reality. He was here on business. He would never mix it with pleasure. But with Asta, it was possible. If she wanted to, of course. He would like to know her better first.  
The clacking of heels indicated she was on her way back so he placed the file in the table.  
**“Here you are.”**  
**“Thank you. How much do I owe you?”**  
**“Think nothing of it, Mr Darke. You're my guest.”**  
**“Very well. I suppose you're wondering why I asked to meet you.”**  
**“Yes.”**  
Asta could feel her cheeks burning. Her nerves were coming to the fore.  
**“Are you ok, Miss Sjersen?”**  
**“Sorry. I am, yes. It's just nerves.”**  
Darke placed his hand closer to hers.  
**“I'm not here to frighten you.”**  
**“Then, why are you here?”**  
**“Your husband is Professor John Gaskell, isn't he?”**  
**“He is. Why?”**  
**“There's something you should know.”**


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In denial about her husband, Asta worries that he is too far gone to be saved. A page from ITU leaves her surprised.

_No._  
_No, it can't be true._  
_Not John._  
Asta couldn't sleep.  
She took the tablets the doctor prescribed. They did work but the day's events plagued her mind.  
The pillow was soaked with her tears. She couldn't fathom why.  
Why didn’t he tell her? She would have understood. She had no idea about the outcomes of the trial, about John using illegal and unethical methods.  
The idea of him using someone's embryos for harvesting made her sick to her stomach.  
She pulled the pillow closer to her chest.  
At first, she didn’t believe it. She thought she was hallucinating again. She hoped she was.  
But, when Darke showed her the file, her worst fear came true.  
She was aware of John's ambitious nature but she never dreamt of him going this far to make their project a success.  
Her train of thought switched to Jac.  
Over the last few months, the two became good friends, going for drinks after work.  
Jac thought Asta as a novice when they first met but she proved herself when they worked on a cross specialist case together. She had earned Jac’s respect and friendship at the same time, which wasn't easy to obtain.  
Was Jac aware of the danger? That she could be left a cripple or worse?  
She had a daughter, a family.

  
Asta muffled her cries with the pillow. Her heart was crushed.  
For her, this was a nightmare.  
She had a feeling that both Henrik and Roxanna knew of this.  
If that was the case, it was possible that John was responsible for Roxanna's accident.  
_Why would he do that to her?_  
She's his friend.  
The patients at St Helena’s , the candidates for the trial; Fiona, Askari, Adam.  
He was responsible.  
How could she not have seen it?  
The man she married was still in there but slowly fading away.  
She didn’t know what to do.  
She was stuck in between a rock and a hard place.  
Who knows what he would do if she confronted him in the open?  
Yet, if she didn’t report him, she could be charged with obstruction.  
She was so afraid. She loved John more than anything. But lying to protect his career and risk putting hers in jeopardy. It was unthinkable.  
She had to tell someone.  
She had back to back surgeries soon, some of which were with Henrik.  
He was the only person she could trust.  
....  
It had been 3 weeks since Roxanna's accident, the effects of which still resonated throughout the hospital.  
Staff and colleagues brought her fresh flowers, making sure that white roses were entwined in the bouquet.  
Having found the on call room unbearable, Henrik sat a bedside vigil next to her.  
There was a brief moment during the night when they almost lost her as her BP dropped dramatically but, like the fighter she was, she braved through it.  
Asta took care of things medically and personally. She brushed Roxanna's hair every morning and washed her face.  
She and Henrik were hoping that she would wake soon.  
Henrik was in the ITU room, night and day, waiting for a sign that she was ok.  
John rarely came to the room and, when he did, it was only to check her progress.  
Henrik wished that John was withdrawn because of her state.  
At the back of his mind, he knew that it was something more.  
.....  
It was a cold, sharp morning. Henrik was awake, watching over her like a guardian angel. His mind drifted to thoughts of a life they could have had if he had the back bone to ask her on a date when they were at university. The spark was clearly there; all their friends could see it. They flirted playfully and always helped each other with their projects, which drew them even more closer.  
Maybe they could still have that life.  
**KNOCK, KNOCK.**  
His head turned to the sound.  
Asta stood in the doorway, holding a mug of hot tea and a bacon roll.  
**“I thought you might need this.”**  
**“Ah. Thank you, Asta.”**  
She gave him her gifts then went round the other side of Roxanna's bed to check the fluids.  
**“How is she?”**  
**“Still the same but, from when she first came in, she has improved greatly.”**  
**“That's wonderful, Henrik.”**  
**“It is.”**  
**“Why don’t you go home and have a shower? You've been here for days.”**  
**“Alright. The surgeries you and I will undertake begins today, doesn’t it?”**  
**“It does.”**  
**“Excellent. It may help to take my mind off this. I shan't be long.”**  
**“Don't worry, Henrik. The first one starts at 10:30. It's only 8:00 now. Nurse Di Lucca will inform us if anything changes**.”  
Henrik was glad. He knew that Essie wouldn’t keep anything from him.

....  
He didn’t feel up to it. How could he?  
His own friend, in a dream-like state because of him.  
How could he live with himself?  
John was reclined in his chair. He called in sick. Every time he saw Roxanna, he was ashamed; his guilt was having fun by tormenting him.  
His nightmares started to become increasingly monstrous.  
He dreamt of his hands being stained with blood and, no matter how hard he tried, it didn’t come off. He then looked up and saw his victims, all crimson-soaked and merged together, moving as one mass of corpses, completed with discordant screams and their multiple, detached arms frantically trying to grab him to take him down to the depths of Hell.  
Their faces were blurred but John recognised the voices.  
As they came closer, John was paralysed with fear.  
There was nothing he could do to stop them seeking revenge.  
Soon, their faces were inches away from his.  
The mouths all opened at once to let out an ear-splitting shriek.  
He then woke up, drenched in sweat.

  
He couldn't stop shaking.  
_Why_?  
Why did he start all this?  
He just wanted to help Asta's sister and, if successful, he could help others.  
Somewhere along the line, he was blinded with ambition, disregarding ethics and morals, doing everything to make the trial worth the sponsor’s money.  
He had a cross specialist case with Henrik and Jac coming up. He was looking forward to working alongside them as both were excellent surgeons in their own right.  
But, he was frightened.  
He noticed that his mental health was deteriorating. He was scared that the madness would possess him again and he would endanger a life.  
And if Jac or Henrik picked up on it, they would want to know why.  
He didn’t know how long he could keep it bottled up.  
He would never escape the chaos he made.  
....  
Asta knew that, some days, John wasn't himself. She barely saw him. He was either in his lab or doing electives.  
_He's probably worried about Roxanna._  
As she understood how busy he was, she took him lunch, an act that he was very grateful for. John realised how troubled she was about him so he told her that he made reservations at a restaurant for them as they hadn't spent proper time together. Asta rewarded him with a kiss. As she pulled away, she noticed a sense of fear in his ocean blue eyes.  
“ **Are you alright, John?”**  
**“I'm fine, my love. Why?”**  
**“You seem as though your mind is on other things.”**  
**“It's kind of you to look out for me but I’m alright.”**  
Asta had the urge to say that she knew everything about the trial and the patients and what the hell was he thinking.  
Courage deserted her. In her mind, she was in the state of denial. She still couldn't believe that he would do it.  
“ **Everything alright, Asta?”**  
**“Hmm?”**  
**“You ok?”**  
**“Oh yes. I'm fine.”**  
**BEEP, BEEP.**  
She felt her pager pulsing in her back pocket. She looked at the screen. It was from Henrik.  
‘ _ **Come to ITU quick. It's Roxanna.**_  
_**H’**_  
**“Something the matter?”**  
**“I have to go to ITU, John. It's Roxanna.”**  
**“Of course. Keep me posted.”**  
**“Sure.”**  
Asta rushed to ITU as fast as she could. Her heart was fraught with panic. She prayed that she wasn't too late.

 _She must be slipping away._  
John felt a mild joy rising in him but he strongly dismissed it.  
He thought himself sick and twisted that he was experiencing happiness while his friend was fighting to live.  
He was a monster. But he didn’t wish to be.  
Not any more.

Asta reached ITU, exhausted and out of breath. She entered the room and saw Henrik by Roxanna's side, kissing her hand.  
**“Henrik?!”**  
**“Asta.”**  
**“Roxanna.....?”**  
A small groan came from the bed.  
Roxanna's head rose a little.  
“ **Hello, Asta.”**  
**“Roxanna!** ”  
Asta lunged to the bed and gently gave Roxanna a hug, tears streaming down her face.  
Henrik felt his eyes starting to water. He brushed the tears aside.  
Roxanna was alive and safe.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asta has a lecherous patient to deal with, John fears Roxanna revealing the truth, while Roxanna tells Henrik how she feels about him.

News about Roxanna was broadcasted all over the hospital. Everyone was ecstatic that she was ok. Apart from one person.  
John.  
He was in the lab when Asta paged him. The pager was sleeping on the floor, contents scattered everywhere. A victim of John's ill temper.  
He was having flash backs of the crash. The visions of Roxanna's shattered car after the lorry hit her disturbed John at every turn. The noise was ringing in his ears perpetually. He knew that he was non compos mentis.  
Who knew what she would say?  
She could tell everyone about his plans, the truth of the trial, that he treated Laszlo for something that he didn’t have in the first place.  
What more did he have to lose?  
Everything was at stake.  
Roxanna has lived once.  
Never again.

  
Anger burned in his heart.  
What was the point of saving those who were beyond all help?  
The question was asked in theatre when he, Jac and Henrik carried out a cross specialist operation and he saw that saving the patient was futile as the damage was too extensive. He tried in vain to persuade Henrik to stop but it fell on deaf ears. Henrik told John that he would never give up as long there was still hope.  
Due to this unnatural outburst, Jac told him to get out.  
She was still oblivious to the ticking time bomb inside of her.  
John knew she wouldn't be best pleased when she discovered the true nature of the neoconduit.  
Asta must never know.  
_She can't know._  
The crimes he committed, his true nature.  
_I will protect her, no matter the cost. I would even kill if it came to it._  
His angel, his love.  
Nothing, in this life or the next, will stop him from loving her. She was his world and no man alive would take that away from him.  
Roxanna must be silenced forever.  
.....  
Roxanna was lying peacefully in her bed. She had no strength to move, she could barely keep her eyes open. An elevated sense of joy warmed her heart when Asta told her that the staff were worried about her and they gave her cards and flowers. She had physio booked for the next few months to help her get back to full strength. The first one was starting in a few hours. She could hardly wait.  
One thought dominated her mind.  
Even though she was in a coma, she heard everything that Henrik had said. She felt the same way. She always had done. Even when she was with David, her heart yearned for Henrik. Of a life that would have been if that poisonous viper didn't get fucking involved.  
She hadn't seen John since her accident. She wondered why.  
_Probably working on his sham of a trial. He needs to be stopped. For his sake._  
For now, she needed rest. It would be a while before she could operate again. She couldn't shake the feeling that her accident was planned.  
And she had a good idea who by.  
....  
Asta was so relieved that Roxanna was alright. The influx of Neuro patients were taking its toll on both her and John. However, she felt she could carry on, knowing that her friend was well.  
The doors were pushed open. A horse of orderlies and porters were surrounding the bed, followed by two guards. Dom was with them.  
**“What do we have, Dr Copeland?”**  
**“Male, 32, tingling sensation over his body, lower back pain and dizziness. BP is 130/72.”**  
**“Alright, put him in Bay 4. I'll have a look at him.”**  
The porters placed the patient in the allocated slot, with the guards keeping close watch.  
Asta stood near the man's bed.  
“ **Good morning. I'm Miss Sjersen and I will be your consultant today.”**  
The man looked at her with deep brown eyes. He had dark brown hair, slightly dishevelled. His eyes were focused on Asta the entire time. His mouth turned into a smile displaying his pearly, white teeth. Asta was starting to suffocate from his glare.  
**“So, Mr .....?”**  
**“Turner. Callum Turner.”**  
**“Mr Turner. How long have you had these symptoms?”**  
**“Oh, about 2 weeks.”**  
**“Did you discuss this with your GP?”**  
**“I did, and he gave me some medicine.”**  
**“Did it work?”**  
**Asta was feeling his hands and feet, which were cold to the touch.**  
**“It did, for a while until I fell.”**  
**“Where was this?”**  
**“In prison.”**  
Asta looked at him. That would explain the reason for the guards keeping an eye on him.  
**“I see.”**  
**“Don't worry your beautiful head. I'm chained up like a good boy. I won't hurt you.”**  
Asta didn’t like the tone that was said in. It was menacing and full of terror. She shivered as she saw the sexual menace in his eyes.  
_Gulp_.

  
One of the guards came up behind her and chided Callum for his behaviour, which helped to put her at ease. She could hold her own against many men but Callum was different. She was fearful of him. She knew what he'd done. How he captured 12 women, raping and torturing them, murdered them when he had enough, mutilated their corpses to get a kick then tossed them aside like rag dolls.  
He was serving life as the judge deemed him too dangerous to the female population and society in general.  
Asta noticed that he had an interest in her. What kind of interest, she didn’t want to know.  
Dom could see the terror in his eyes.  
“ **Shall I run some tests, Miss Sjersen?”**  
No answer. Dom witnessed the blood being drained from her face.  
**“Miss Sjersen?”**  
**“Sorry. Yes?”**  
**“Would you like me to run tests?”**  
**“Yes, please. LFTS, Us + E's and a MRI scan, Dr Copeland.”**  
**“On it**.”  
Dom made his way to the desk. He realised that, while Mr Turner was here, every female member of staff would be holding their breath.  
......  
“ **Callum Turner, here?!”**  
**“Yes, John. The way he looked at me. It gave me goosebumps.”**  
**“It's alright, my love. He won't harm you. He's shackled to the bed.”**  
**“I know, but he doesn’t stop staring at me, watching my every move.”**  
John moved in and gave Asta a reassuring hug, along with a kiss on her forehead. Her fear was emitting out of her so much that he felt it too.  
“ **Do you have the results of his MRI scan?”**  
**“I do. Here they are.”**  
**“I see.”**  
**“What?”**  
John passed the scan back to her with a solemn expression on his face.  
“ **A brain tumour?”**  
**“It would explain the tingling sensation and dizziness. Do you want to tell him or shall I?”**  
**“Can you, John?”**  
**“Of course.”**

  
Both of them walked towards Callum's bed, with John leading so that Asta would be protected.  
**“Ah, Mr Turner.”**  
**“And you are?”**  
It became clear to John that Callum preferred to talk to women only. As soon as he saw Asta, Callum subjected her to his lecherous gaze once more.  
**“I'm Professor Gaskell. I shall be assisting Miss Sjersen with your surgery.”**  
Callum's line of sight was fixated on Asta. He could feel a part of his body getting warm and rigid.  
“ **Mr Turner?”**  
**“Can't you see I'm busy, Professor?”**  
Seductive tones resonated in his voice. His mind and body loved what they were seeing. If only Asta could see how her beauty was affecting him. John quickly picked up on Asta's unease, so he stepped in front of her so that Callum would stop.  
“ **You have a brain tumour, Mr Turner.”**  
**“I do?”**  
John was surprised at Callum's lack of reaction. It was true that Callum showed no emotion. He was a PP. **Psychotic Psychopath.**  
**“You do. You're booked into theatre this afternoon.”**  
**“And Miss Sjersen will be operating?”**  
Asta peered from behind John.  
“ **Yes, I will.”**  
**“Excellent.”**  
Asta felt repulsed when Callum licked the corners of his mouth with relish.  
_The sooner today is over, the better._  
Callum sensed that John was the same as him. To kill to get what he wants. He would ask him after surgery was done.  
.....  
Henrik was getting Roxanna a drink. He felt amazing, that nothing could lower his mood.  
Carrying the vanilla latte with great care, he made the journey to ITU.  
When he arrived, Roxanna was sitting upright. She was a little tired from her physio this morning. She saw Henrik coming and a smile beamed across her face.  
“ **You remembered.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
**“Thank you, Henrik.”**  
**“My pleasure.”**  
Henrik placed the drink on the tray and occupied the seat next to her.  
Roxanna got her unrestrained hand and lifted the cup to her lips. It was a delight to drink something warm after weeks in a coma.  
She placed the cup down carefully.  
“ **Henrik?”**  
**“Yes, Roxanna?”**  
**“When I was unconscious, I heard you saying that you loved me.”**  
**Henrik's cheeks began to burn profusely. He thought that she couldn't hear him.**  
**“Yes, that's true.”**  
**“I'm flattered, Henrik. And I feel the same way.”**  
**“You do?”**  
**“Yes. We could have been happy together.”**  
**“We still can be, Roxanna. It's not too late.”**  
**“No. No, it isn't.”**

  
The spark that resided in them started to manifest. Roxanna's face was starting to become flushed. Neither of them were brave enough to make the first move.  
After half an hour had passed, Henrik was ready.  
“ **Roxanna?”**  
**“Yes, Henrik?”**  
**“May I kiss you?”**  
Roxanna smiled and held his hand.  
**“Of course you can.”**  
Henrik stared deeply into Roxanna's eyes. His hand was placed to cradle her face. He moved his head closer to hers. Now was the time for him to show spine. Roxanna met him halfway and their mouths locked.  
Both of them felt as if they were on Cloud nine. The softness of her lips were caressing his. So plump, like a peach.  
Henrik's heart was over flowing with love for the woman he adored.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As John and Asta operate on a patient, she voices her concerns to him. Roxanna and Henrik discuss whether or not to tell Asta the truth. Henrik comforts her while John receives a unexpected phone call

Asta was tense. She was in theatre, preparing for Callum's surgery. She was concerned about John. She saw something burning in his eyes when he was discussing Callum's options.  
Was it fear?  
No.  
It was pure hatred.  
He must have seen the way Callum's licentious leer was affecting her. And he didn’t like it one bit.  
John loathed it when men of unsavoury nature would stare at her for their own sexual satisfaction. Because of this, he was a regular at A&E.  
She was his, and his alone. He made sure that every man knew that.  
He wasn’t strongly possessive. Asta could wear what she wanted, go out with her friends and live her life. All John wanted was for her to be safe. He didn’t want to be left alone again.  
She noticed her hands were trembling slightly. Her nerves were getting the better of her.  
She didn’t know who she should be afraid of the most: Callum or John.  
“ **Asta?”**  
The soft, dulcet tones made her shiver a little.

  
She took a sideway glance to see John beside her.  
“ **Are you alright, my love?”**  
His blue eyes shined in the light; hypnotic sapphires begging her to answer.  
**“I'm ok, John. Just nerves.”**  
**“I understand**.”  
He took Asta by the shoulders and pulled her close.  
**“We both know what he's done. He is a monster who deserves just punishment. But, right now, he is our patient, Asta. It's our duty as surgeons to help him. We mustn't let our personal beliefs and opinions cloud our judgement. Ok**?”  
Asta nodded. John did have a point. Regardless of what she felt towards Callum, he needed their help. She placed her walking stick in the corner by the door.  
“ **Will you be alright without it, Asta?”**  
**“I will.”**  
They had both finished prep.  
The doors opened and Callum was wheeled in.  
....  
Darke was worried. The more he knew about John, the more he feared for Asta’s life. He saw her heart being torn when he told her the truth.  
She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t need this, not after all she's been through. Her sister was in a coma and she was scarred for life.  
It was unprofessional but he found himself caring for Asta more deeply than he thought.  
He rang her to see if she needed any help but, often than not, she didn’t answer.  
She wasn’t aware of the danger she was in.  
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, breaking the deafening silence.  
He wanted to go in, to find her, to tell her to come with him to find somewhere safe.  
The more he dwelled on it , the less likely the possibility became.  
He may put her life in even more danger. John would suspect, ask questions and, based on how he would react, it would turn very quickly.  
He would bide his time and wait until he was sure that John wasn’t looking.  
He needed to take Asta away before it was too late.  
....  
The theatre was alive with the sounds of beeps and monotonous humming.  
Asta analysed the depths of Callum's brain and pondered what chemical imbalance or defunct axons and synapses were responsible for Callum's behaviour. She didn’t dismiss the possibility that, like John, Callum had a violent and unstable upbringing.  
“ **More light please, Asta.”**  
John woke her from her thoughts. She brought the lamp closer to the cavity.  
“ **Thank you.”**  
John was playing a game of hide and seek as the tumour was being evasive.  
Asta watched the action unfold on the screen. She hoped that two eyes would be better than one.  
As John continued to prod through Callum's brain, Asta felt a sharp pain through her right leg. She had forgotten to take her tablets.  
She let out a wince so soft that John didn’t hear. She just had to grin and bear it.

  
Thanks to the physio, she was able to walk short distances without her walking stick.  
The doctor prescribed her with painkillers, 2 each morning.  
_I suppose, with everything going on, it was the last thing on my mind._  
“ **You shouldn't let yourself suffer because of pride, Asta.”**  
Her head turned towards John, his eyes focused on his prey through the microscope.  
**“Who says I am?”**  
**“Your health is important. If you're not at your best, how can you perform your best?”**  
Asta remained silent. John was right. The pain she was experiencing could cause her to lack focus and make fatal errors.  
“ **What shall I do, John?”**  
**“Do you have your tablets with you?”**  
**“Yes.”**  
**“Do they affect you in any way?”**  
**“No.”**  
**“If you are able to withstand it, I need you here for a little longer to help me find the tumour. After that, I would like you to leave, take the painkillers and rest in the staffroom. Do you understand, Asta?”**  
**“But, what about you?”**  
**“I'll be fine. It's a simple procedure. Do you understand what I've told you to do?”**  
**“Yes.”**  
Asta could feel his concern for her. But, she couldn't help sensing that something was amiss.  
She turned back to the screen. John was just looking after her. There was no other reason he wanted her to leave.

  
Unless...  
“ **Can you see it yet, Asta?”**  
_No. Surely he's not thinking...?_  
“ **Asta**.”  
John's tone started to carry a hint of menace. This was bad.  
Her eyes concentrated on the screen.  
“ **There it is.”**  
Asta had found it. It was on the brain stem, expertly hidden by the jelly-like mass.  
**“Thank you, Asta. You can go now.”**  
**“But John**...?”  
**“I said you can go. Unless there's something else?”**  
His voice was sharp, cold. Asta couldn't risk angering him further, but she had to say what was on her mind.  
**“I won't leave, John.”**  
**“Oh. And why not?”**  
All eyes were on her. The owners were curious about what she had to say.  
“ **Because.....”**  
She struggled to get the words out. She was already overwhelmed by the tension in the air. She didn’t want to make it worse.  
**“Because what, Miss Sjersen?”**  
Asta felt the back of her head going numb. John’s blank stare went straight through her. Even though she was his wife, he was her superior. Whatever she had to say, she wouldn’t have thought it if she didn’t know the consequences.  
“ **Because I believe you're going to kill him.** "  
....  
The sun's warmth was her alarm clock. She had the most beautiful dream of her and Henrik going for a picnic and him asking her a question. Before she could fathom out what the question was, a soft clearing of the throat stirred her.  
**“I've brought you a drink.”**  
Roxanna opened her eyes and saw Henrik, wearing a blue woolly sweater, standing by her side holding 2 cups.  
**“Thank you, Henrik. You're very sweet.”**  
Henrik gave her a kiss on the cheek before sitting down in the chair. He placed her cup on the tray.  
**“How are John and Asta, Henrik?”**  
**“They're alright. They're in theatre at the moment.**  
Roxanna nodded. She had no doubt that John and Asta were an excellent team.

  
“ **Do you think we should tell her the truth, Roxanna?”**  
**“We can't, Henrik. It would break her.”**  
**“But she deserves to know!”**  
**“I know. We need to talk to her, on her own.”**  
**“We could invite her for a drink after work.”**  
Roxanna smiled.  
“ **Don't you mean you will invite her? I'm stuck here, remember?”**  
Henrik laughed. How he missed her sense of humour.  
**“Yes, of course, min älskade.”**  
**“What does that mean?”**  
**“I'll tell you later. I'm due back in Keller.”**  
Henrik leant over and caressed her lips with his, the suppleness stirring dormant passions; feelings he hadn't felt for a very long time.  
...  
Her nerves were all shot. Her arms were drenched with the endless flow of tears.  
She was in the ladies', having ran straight from theatre.  
She couldn't breathe. Her heart was going to give way.  
She didn’t expect him to act like that.  
She focused on her breathing in order to make her calm.  
After a couple of minutes, she was alright but fairly shocked.  
She got up off the floor and opened the toilet door. If she didn’t have her walking stick with her, she would have collapse in a heap.  
Her body trembled as she walked to the mirror.  
She was surprised at what she saw.  
There was barely any vision in her right eye, for it was black and swollen. She saw a glimpse of the whites of her eye, which were bloodshot.  
What could she say if someone asked?  
She slowly moved her tongue around the inside of her mouth. There were a few broken teeth. She spat then out in the sink. She grabbed a paper towel and gently removed the blood stained froth from her lips, being careful not to aggravate the open wound on the left side of her mouth.

  
She needed first aid.  
He cared for her. Why would he hurt her?  
She knew as soon as she said it, she hit a nerve.  
He ordered her to talk to him outside, telling the theatre staff to keep Callum alive.  
He was so angry. Furious, in fact. She wished she kept her mouth shut. After it happened, he apologised, saying he didn’t mean it and that he was just looking out for her. He tried to comfort her but Asta was having none of it. She pushed him away and ran, ignoring the passionate calls for her to come back. She didn’t dare to look.  
She desperately tried to hold back the tears but she wasn’t strong enough. She let it out, hoping no one would hear her.  
**“Asta?”**  
_Henrik_.  
“ **Are you alright?”**  
**“I'm fine.”**  
She found it difficult to not sound emotional.  
“ **May I come in?”**  
**“If you like.”**  
Henrik pushed open the door and walked towards Asta.  
“ **Are you crying, Asta?”**  
**“No, I'm fine. Really.”**  
Henrik had a brief look at her eye.  
**“Look at me, Asta.”**  
**“It's nothing**.”  
She turned away, in an attempt to dissuade him from pursuing the matter further.  
Henrik came closer, taking her by the hand.

  
“ **Asta, please. Look at me.”**  
As she moved her head, a gasp escaped his lips.  
Her eyes meeting his, she began to cry. On impulse, Henrik drew her into his chest to muffle her cries. His arms were around her, providing comfort.  
“ **Shhhh. It's alright, Asta.”**  
He recalled how she comforted him when he was despairing over Roxanna.  
**“Who did this to you?”**  
The reply was more crying. She wasn’t in any state to talk yet.  
He moved his hand up and down her back, to try and ease her fears.  
After a while, the incessant crying ceased.  
**“Now then, I'll fix that lip and get something for your eye, then we'll go and get a well deserved glass of brandy.”**  
Asta half smiled. A good drink will make her better.  
...  
_Fool. You fucking fool._  
It was 8:00 at night. John was outside, looking at the stars. He had a cup of hot coffee in his hand. The cold air danced on his face as he heard the trees rustling in the wind. The operation took longer than expected. The tumour was firmly attached to the brain stem. John managed to remove a large portion of it and cauterised the portion that remained.  
He had been an absolute wanker to Asta. He couldn't believe what he did to her.  
He kept ringing her to make amends but, as expected, she didn’t answer.  
He felt so stupid. He had no idea what possessed him. It wasn’t the madness. He would have known. Was it fear of what she was implying or something else? He would never harm her, not even for a second.  
**BEEP, BEEP.**

  
His phone buzzed in his breast pocket.  
He took it out. The caller was someone unexpected.  
_**‘Leo.’**_  
_Why would he call at this time at night?_  
**“Hello, Leo.”**  
_**“John.”**_  
**_“_ What's the matter?”**  
_**“I've got bad news, John. You must understand that we did everything we could.”**_  
**_“_ Leo, what are you talking about? What's happened?”**  
_**“She's gone, John. She's died.”**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna has a physiotherapy session, Asta receives word that her sister has died and Henrik realises the depth of John's insanity.

“ **Dead?!”**  
**“I'm afraid so. You have my condolences, Asta.”**  
**“Thank you, Henrik.”**  
Asta was preparing a well deserved cup of tea when Henrik entered the staff room and broke the news to her.  
She felt numb, like a part of her was lost. Her legs were shaking from the shock so she sat down. Henrik could see that she was wrestling with her emotions. He was empathetic towards her. He knew the pain.  
Henrik pulled up a chair from the table and perched himself. He held Asta's hand in his, feeling her fear through her palms.  
“ **What happened to her, Henrik?”**  
**“John said that she developed an infection and her body wasn’t strong enough to fight it.”**  
**“I suppose, in one way, it's a release. She didn’t suffer, did she?”**  
**“The staff did try to treat it but, by that time, the infection became widespread and was causing heart failure. Once they realised that nothing could be done, they let her go.”**  
Asta was relieved but she couldn't speak. The pain was unbearable. She unburdened herself of the sorrow. Henrik put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder.  
**“Asta?”**  
Asta looked up, a stream of mascara-congested tears falling down her face. Henrik got his handkerchief and lightly vanquished the waterfall from her eyes.  
“ **Hmm?”**  
**“There's something you should know about John.”**  
Henrik understood the gravity of the situation but he had to do the right thing, for once in his life.  
“ **I know, Henrik.”**  
He was taken aback by this revelation. How did she ...? Asta's voice was more controlled but Henrik noticed an under tone of bitterness.  
**“I know everything; the trial, St Helena's, them.”**  
**“I could hardly believe it myself, Asta.”**  
“ **But why, Henrik? Why would he do this? He's putting his career at risk. His mental health...”**  
A footstep.  
Both of them held their breath. Henrik's palms were getting clammy. How stupid of him to leave the door open. Anyone could have heard.  
They slowly moved their heads to the door. Standing there was the last person either of them wanted to see.  
John.  
......  
“ **Well done, Roxanna.”**  
She felt uplifted by the physiotherapist’s praise as she was impressed of how far Roxanna had come.  
**“Thank you.”**  
Roxanna had walked halfway without the aid of the support beams. Even though her legs were still a bit wobbly, she felt so much better, but the energy used to achieve that made her fatigued.  
The sweat was running down her back, staining her purple t-shirt. She was a little warm so she asked for a towel. She pressed it against her forehead and the back of her neck, feeling refreshed as the perspiration was absorbed. The physiotherapist placed the wheelchair behind her. Roxanna sat in it comfortably.  
**“Would you like to go back, Roxanna?”**  
**“Yes please.”**  
She said, breathlessly.  
She was nearly there.  
....  
“ **Oh, please. Don't let me interrupt.”**  
The harsh voice rang through the air.  
“ **John, I can explain....”**  
**“It's alright, Asta. You don’t need to.”**  
His voice changed when talking to Asta. It was soft and sweet. Essie rushed behind him.  
“ **Miss Sjersen, you're needed.”**  
**“On my way.”**  
Asta made her way out the staffroom. She turned to Henrik, who mouthed ‘I'm sorry’ to her.  
John closed the door behind her.  
“ **What have you said to her?”**  
John's eyes were wild, insane. His voice was getting increasingly sinister.  
**“I haven't said anything to her.”**  
**“DON'T LIE to me, Henrik!”**  
John took really deep breaths and wandered towards Henrik.  
**“You....You're trying to steal her AWAY FROM ME?!”**  
**“John, no. I wouldn’t do that.”**  
Henrik began to realise the full extent of John's madness. He knew he had to try and get John to calm down.  
**“I am not a idiot, Henrik.”**  
John was regressing even further. His voice was similar to that of a child.  
“ **You will not have her. She BELONGS To me!”**  
John lunged towards Henrik, his hand grasping his throat and, with each breath, he tightened his grip.  
“ **She is MINE, and mine alone.”**  
Henrik's heart was living off fear. His air supply was starting to dwindle. His friend was no more. John was something else entirely.

  
After a while, Henrik was turning cyan. John let him go. Henrik fell to the floor, trying to gain back control of his breathing.  
“ **She's mine, she's mine. I won't let you have her. She's mine.”**  
Henrik was fearful of what John would do next. He had never seen him this bad before.  
**“John?”**  
John stared at Henrik with expressionless, dull, blue gems.  
“ **John? Who's John? The mad man. He won't let me go. Dancing in eternal darkness. Being dizzy in the night. The screams of creatures won't allow me to sleep. Asta. Asta, Asta. My light. My angel. Bathing me in her glow. No one will break us apart, not even YOU!”**  
John let loose a mad cackle; an outburst of hysteria.  
After he finished, he was unusually calm. Then he abruptly left the staffroom.  
It dawned on Henrik that John was beyond salvation.  
......  
I had to do it.  
That pervy bastard had it coming, being lecherous towards my love. He tried to touch her. It made me sick, to think of his filthy hands all over her virtuous body.  
My lantern in eternal darkness.  
The nurses never noticed a thing.  
Let's just say, I gave him something extra.  
She will be safe. I will protect her. My life is hers. We will start again. We will be happy.  
She keeps me calm. I feel safe and secure with her.  
Everyone assumed he had a heart attack. I just added a little prussic acid in his IV.  
To see him gasping for his life, his body convulsing. He was certainly busting some moves.  
I need her. I want us to be together. Five years without her was torture. I would rather die than let someone else have her.  
I won't be letting her go again.  
....  
Asta was cooking up a storm. The smell of sausage and onions drifted through the air. She couldn't get John out of her mind. She was terrified. Something was severely wrong. His erratic behaviour, the crying, the screaming.  
He was losing it.  
As she was plating up, an unusual noise startled her. She associated it with the cat next door knocking something over, so she thought nothing of it.  
Minutes passed and another noise occurred. It was creaking upstairs.  
She walked through the hallway and noticed the door was open, which was strange.  
She locked it.  
She closed it and went back to the kitchen.  
Out of nowhere, she felt a sharp pain at the back of her head.  
Within a few seconds, she collapsed onto the floor.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik worries for Asta when she doesn't turn up for work. When he goes to her house, a shocking discovery makes him realise that she is in danger. Asta uncovers the identity of her abductor.

Jac slammed the door.  
Her heart was being crushed with the weight of fear and anger.  
At long last, her eyes were opened to the horror that slept dormant inside her.  
She swore that, if John hadn't called in sick this morning, she would have castrated him.  
He had known all along that the implants were faulty and yet, he put one inside her.  
To add insult to injury, she agreed to the procedure.  
She was partly to blame.  
How could she have been so blind? So stupid?  
Her efforts to be pain-free caused her to make a reckless decision.  
One that will kill her.  
She reclined on the sofa, her thoughts turning to Emma.  
How would she cope?  
Even though Jac was stern, she was always welcome at Emma's princess tea parties and dress up. She loved her daughter to the moon and back. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for her.  
Tears began to flow from her eyes.  
Emma, so alone, so lost without her. The precious milestones she would miss. Her first day at secondary school, her 16th birthday, learning to drive.  
She couldn't let that happen. She had to live.  
She was determined to not let Emma have the same childhood she did.  
So, for that to be a reality, the implant must go.  
....  
**“........coming to take me away, ha ha. They're coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha, to the funny farm....”**  
Asta kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Whatever she was injected with knocked her out cold.  
Where was she?  
The last thing she remembered was closing the door and heading back to the kitchen. The rest was hazy; a fog clouding her memory.  
The sunlight was harsh when she opened her eyes.  
Cold, so cold. Her clothes remained the same.  
Her perception of time was warped. She had no idea how long she was out for. Shivering, she started to panic.  
Who was this person? What did they want?  
With her eyes working at full capacity, Asta started to note her surroundings.  
Firstly, she was in a car, on the motorway. Traffic was light, so she guessed it was early to mid morning.  
She then focused on the interior of the car. Nothing was out of place. It was so spotless.  
“ **But now, you know I'm utterly mad.”**  
The driver was singing but the voice was distorted. Her mind wasn’t clear. She felt like the car was spinning. Drowsiness was starting to welcome her back into its arms.  
Her body lacked energy to do anything. She lowered herself on the back seat. She saw her walking stick next to her so she wouldn’t be defenceless, should the need arise. She placed her hand on the back of her neck. She could feel 2 pinpricks. She had been injected twice  
She didn’t know whether or not it was effects of the drug, but she thought she heard the driver say, “ **You’ll be safe with me.”**  
Asta had a slight suspicion that she had a sedative in her system. But what sedative, and how much she had, she drew a blank.  
Her eyes had weights on them. She couldn't keep them open. Maybe, after another sleep, all will become clear.  
.....  
Henrik was ill at ease. Asta was never late. He couldn't shake the suspicion in the back of his mind that something untoward had befallen her.  
He promised himself that, if Asta wasn’t here by lunch, he would go around to her house to see if she was alright.  
He was quite fond of Asta. Her intelligence, beauty, grace and poise made her a remarkable woman. There were times when the two of them engaged in subtle flirting, but only when John was out of sight.  
His heart went out to her. John loved her with every ounce of his being, but he frightened her with the sadistic rage he displayed when other men looked at her.  
Henrik recalled when John and Asta were on their fourth date. He remembered it well as he was having a meal with friends at the same place. John went to the bathroom and Asta was approached by a man of similar age to her. He was kind and attentive, the perfect gentleman. Asta was asked politely if she would join him for a drink.  
She kindly declined, saying that she was waiting for her date to come back.  
Apparently, that was the wrong answer.

  
Casting off his gentlemanly persona, the man became forceful and demanded her to join him for a drink. She declined again.  
The man was a typical misogynist.  
He grabbed her tightly by the arm, dragging her to the bar, saying that she should be honoured that he showed interest in her, and said that she was a spoilt tart for being nonchalant about his affections for her.  
The sound of a door closing got Asta's attention.  
_Thank God._  
John saw Asta and made his way to her. The man sneered at John, who took Asta's other hand.  
“ **Are you alright, my love?”**  
**“What has it got to fucking do with you, old man?”**  
John turned to the man. Clearly, he had no manners.  
“ **She is my date.”**  
The man roared with laughter. All the other patrons in the curry house looked to see who was spoiling their peaceful night.  
“ **YOU!? Why would she go out with a wrinkled tosser like you?”**  
John could see that Asta was shaking so he draped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.  
“ **Let her go, please.”**  
**“FUCK OFF!”**  
Henrik was concerned for Asta's well-being. He excused himself from his friends and moved closer.  
John pounced on the hooligan, grabbing the back of his head and smashing it repeatedly against the bar.  
It was a macabre masterpiece. Blood was spilling over the bar. Henrik took Asta a few steps back to keep her out of harms way.  
Henrik pleaded for John to stop but it fell on deaf ears.  
**CRACK!**  
**“AAAAAAAHHH**!”  
The spine-chilling sound silenced the room.  
John had broken his nose completely.  
Compared to back then, John was slightly tamer.  
But it was Asta who truly suffered.  
She reduced her contact with him, fearing that she would be next. Their dates prior to this were wonderful, to be in each other's company without interruptions. After their wedding, John told her that no matter what he did, he couldn't change who he was. From then on, Asta promised to help him have a better future.

Henrik aroused himself from his thoughts. Nothing could ever break them apart.  
Something dawned on him.  
Everyone on Keller was more relaxed than usual. Essie was at the reception desk, so he walked to her, in the hope she could explain the atmospheric change.  
“ **Good morning, Mr Hanssen.”**  
**“Good morning, Nurse di Lucca. May I ask why the atmosphere is more jovial?”**  
**“Professor Gaskell is off sick.”**  
_That can't be right._  
_“_ **Something the matter, Henrik?”**  
**“Uh, no. Thank you, Essie.”**  
In all the years Henrik knew John, he never known him to be ill. John had 100% attendance at university. He didn't do sick days.  
_First time for everything._  
He glanced at his watch.  
12:00pm  
_And Asta still isn't here. I best see if she's ok._  
Henrik grabbed his coat, car keys and briefcase and ran to the car park.  
......  
Asta stirred from her slumber. Her mind was clearer, but she was still a little groggy.  
She realised the car wasn’t moving. As she peered out of the tinted window, she saw that it was a petrol station. It wasn't fully packed but there were a few potential rescuers there  
Joy filled her heart. At last someone could aid her in escaping her captor.  
As the excitement was bubbling inside of her, she grabbed the handle, wishing that it would secure her freedom.  
She tugged it hard, but the door didn’t move. This was repeated a few times.  
Maybe it's jammed.  
A shape caught the corner of her eye.  
The car lock was enabled.  
She was trapped.  
Her hands drew into fists, banging on the window as hard as she could, but to no avail.

  
No one heard her.  
Her mood came crashing down. She felt so helpless.  
She resigned herself to her fate but the one thing she could do was to gain enough information about her captor so that, if help did arrive, she could reveal the identity of them.  
She peeked over the seat into the boot, seeing two suitcases.  
_Wait, suitcases?_  
Were they going to kill her and leave the country?  
Tears were forming in her eyes. She hadn't done anything wrong, she bore no ill will against them.  
She noticed that one suitcase was actually a holdall and it was within arms reach.  
With all the strength she could muster, she grasped the handle of the holdall and dragged it to where she was. In the light, it became clear.  
Her blood ran cold.  
It belonged to her.  
....  
Roxanna woke with a start. Her pulse was high, her heart was racing.  
Something wasn't right.  
After her last physiotherapy session, Henrik invited her to stay with him until she was deemed fit enough to go back to work.  
She pushed herself up off the bed.  
An ominous feeling was hanging over her.  
Henrik called, saying that Asta didn’t come into work and that he was going to check up on her.  
Asta wouldn't skip work without a reason.  
She was wearing one of Henrik's t-shirts, his scent soaked into the fabric. She knew she looked a mess, but she didn't care.  
Slumping wearily down the stairs, she was contemplating what to do for Henrik when he comes home for work, to express her gratitude. Her attempt to distract herself with these thoughts proved futile.  
She couldn't stop thinking about Asta.

  
Roxanna saw her like the little sister she never had. Her protectiveness towards Asta shone through every time they went out and Asta was hit on when they went into a bar. She also had maternal instincts as Asta rarely saw her mother, who was still in Reykjavik.  
In the kitchen, everything had its own place. Roxanna was careful not to disrupt the balance. She drew the freezer door towards her, taking out a carton of semi skimmed milk and pouring herself a glass.  
Roxanna wasn’t religious.  
That all went when her mother died.  
But she prayed to Him, begging Him to keep Asta safe.  
She hoped her fears didn’t become reality.  
.....  
**KNOCK. KNOCK.**  
**“Asta, are you there?”**  
Henrik tried again but still no answer.  
This was very strange. Asta should have heard him.  
He decided to take the alternative approach and tried the door handle.  
The door welcomed him into Asta's world.  
“ **Asta, are you here?”**  
All he could hear was his own voice.  
Henrik scanned the hallway. Unopened mail was in a heap on the floor. He picked up the fact that Asta's key were still here, along with her motorbike, so she wasn’t out.  
**“Asta?”**  
He strolled into the kitchen. The décor was quite Nordic, very similar to his. The slow cooker caught his eye. He prised open the lid and saw the sausage and onions. Placing the back of his hand on the side, he noted that it was stone cold.  
Something had disturbed her.  
Henrik was getting slightly anxious. Asta would never abandon her house like this.  
Fearing the worst, he rushed upstairs and checked the rooms thoroughly, leaving no stone unturned.  
Asta's room was last. The door was already ajar, so he entered her domain.  
Nothing seemed to be out of place.  
Treading gingerly, his foot nudged something on the floor.  
He loomed over the object. It was an empty vial. His mind was occupied with sound explanations as to why Asta had this in her room.

  
With the knowledge that he could contaminate the vial with his fingerprints, Henrik began to hunt for a piece of fabric. He examined every inch of the room until he stumbled upon a handkerchief. It was beautifully embroided with a gorgeous peachy hue to it  
He went over to the vial, collecting it in the handkerchief and inspecting it.  
It was a small, dainty little thing which can be easily concealed. His eye located a puncture mark in the top, indicating its use. He scanned the floor with a fine-tooth comb, but no needle was found.  
The label was next to be scrutinised. It clearly stated that the vial contained 10ml of the substance.  
Henrik rotated the label to discover what it was.  
His mouth gaped open. He could feel the blood leaving his body.  
‘ **Rohypnol** ’.  
His heart was palpitating. He was terror-stricken.  
What was he going to tell John?  
That his wife had been drugged and is probably lying in a ditch, half dead?  
John would have to be kept in the dark for now.  
The main priority was to find Asta.  
Flinging the vial to one side, he immediately called Roxanna.  
“ _ **Henrik**_?”  
“ **Roxanna**.”  
_**“What's the matter? It sounds like you’re shaking.”**_  
_**“**_ **Something's happened to Asta.”**  
Roxanna's heart sank. This couldn't be happening. Henrik's voice began to tremble. She was only young, she didn’t deserve this.  
_What kind of nightmarish fiend would do this?_  
“ _ **What do you mean, Henrik?”**_  
“ **She's been kidnapped. There is one other thing.”**  
“ _ **What's that?”**_  
“ **She's been drugged with Rohypnol, 10ml of it.”**  
“ _ **Then it's imperative that we locate her. Who knows how it's affected her?”**_  
“ **Alright. Be outside the house in 15 minutes.”**  
“ _ **Ok. I'll see you then**_.”  
Henrik hung up and clutched his phone.  
_Hang on, Asta. We’re coming._  
....  
The discovery rendered her speechless.  
Why did they have her suitcase?  
Were they her stalker and captured her to fulfil their sick fantasies?  
Are they someone known to her?  
**CLICK**.  
She gasped.  
They were on their way back.  
She couldn't move. Immobilised by fear. Panic-stricken, she began to pant rapidly. This was it.  
The back-passenger door was thrown wide. The sunlight obscured her vision.  
“ **Ah, I see you're awake.”**  
That voice. It sounds familiar.  
“ **You don't have to worry about anything. I'll take great care of you.”**  
As her eyes adjusted to the light, the figure was coming into focus.  
_No._  
_It can't be._


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Henrik and Roxanna search for Asta, she discovers her captor's true intentions.

**BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.**  
A red dot was moving steadily across the screen. His eyes were fixated on it the whole time.  
The woman, whom he had developed a close relationship with, had been abducted against her will.  
He knew who was responsible, so he left them a gift.  
Their car was unoccupied, so he covertly placed a tracker in a compartment in the boot.  
Darke kept a watchful eye on their movements.  
**BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.**  
A large coffee was beside him along with other used plastic cups. He couldn't sleep, not while her life was at risk. He would pull an all nighter if he had to. She was reported missing as she didn't turn up to work and she wasn't at her house. Her colleagues were very worried about her.  
The exhaustion attempted to seduce him into her tender, loving breast but he was resistant. She tried everything to lure him, but he wasn’t interested.

  
_Where is he taking her?_  
The red dot stopped only at petrol stations. The entire map of the country was on his screen. There was nowhere they could hide.  
He wasn’t taking any chances. The CCTV was checked thoroughly to determine where they were going.  
The footage of the car leaving the motorway was examined further.  
Darke stopped the recording, cleared up the image and zoomed in.  
He was grateful that all the years studying at IT college didn’t go to waste.  
Comparing the image to the map, he found it baffling.  
He brought the road sign closer into focus.  
His eyes widened, full of uncertainty and terror.  
He needed to get to her.  
Fast.  
Luckily, traffic was starting to build up, providing obstacles so they wouldn’t make a quick getaway.  
But first, he would need assistance.  
Miss Tate had kindly provided him with the telephone numbers of those who she thought could help him with his investigation.  
Sifting through the list carefully, he was able to locate the number he needed.  
‘ _ **Henrik Hanssen’**_  
.....  
The red light reflected her mood. Roxanna grew concerned. How could anyone do this to a vulnerable young woman? Her maternal instincts were bubbling strongly under the surface.  
They stopped at traffic lights a few miles away from John's house. Henrik was tapping on the steering wheel to stop his mind dying from extreme boredom.  
**“Why the hell would they inject her with Rohypnol?”**  
**“I don’t know why, Roxanna. We both know that Rohypnol is a hypnotic sedative, and a powerful one at that. 5ml would have rendered her senseless.”**  
**“Well, if 10ml is missing, she must have been injected twice.”**  
**“That seems likely.”**  
**“Seems likely?! Henrik, it's obvious. You're being awfully nonchalant about this.”**  
**“We have to stay calm.”**  
**“Stay calm?! Our friend has been drugged and kidnapped and you're suggesting that we stay calm?! She's a young girl, Henrik! It's like you don’t care.”**  
**“OF COURSE, I DO!”**  
Roxanna was stunned. She had never witnessed Henrik being this mad before. Henrik looked at her and sighed. She could see that he was worried for her too.  
“ **I'm sorry, Henrik. It's just the thought of losing her, after everything we've been through.”**  
**“I know, min älskade. I'm sorry too.”**  
Roxanna placed her hand on Henrik's, pecking him on the cheek.

  
The lights turned green, allowing them safe passage.  
**“Does John know, Henrik?”**  
**“No. I didn’t wish to cause anymore upset. I fear his mental state is declining rapidly.”**  
**“But she's his wife. He has a right to know. I'll break it to him gently.”**  
**“Alright.”**  
Roxanna dialled John's number with haste. She held her phone to her ear.  
“ **Come on, John. Pick up for God's sake.”**  
“ _ **Hi, it's John. Sorry for not being available but if you leave a message after the tone, I'll get straight back to you.”**_  
_Answer phone. Damn it._  
She hung up.  
“ **No answer?”**  
**“None.”**  
Frustrated, she slammed her hands on the dashboard, hurting her palms and making Henrik jump a little.  
Tears were descending down her face. Asta didn’t deserve this. Roxanna felt powerless to help her.  
Henrik pulled up in a parking space and switched the engine off.  
“ **Shhhh. It's alright, Roxanna.”**  
His hand went around her waist, pulling her closer. Her head rested on his shoulder. The smell of cedarwood was a comforting scent. She knew that Henrik would always be there for her.  
Henrik ran his fingers through her hair to try and reassure her that everything would turn out ok.

  
“ **What if they kill her?”**  
**“Don't think like that, Roxanna. We have to remain positive.”**  
Roxanna gazed into his warm, brown eyes and smiled when he removed the tears away with his sleeve.  
**“We have to be strong, for her sake. Ok?”**  
Henrik's voice was so soft, like silk and honey. She felt safe with him and he with her.  
“ **Ok**.”  
_**'.... I chime in with a, haven't you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door, no.'**_  
Henrik's phone was vibrating in his breast pocket.  
**“Excuse me, Roxanna.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
He checked the caller ID.  
‘ _ **Unknown**_.’  
**“Who is it, Henrik?”**  
**“It doesn’t say.”**  
**“It could be Asta.”**  
**“I hope so.”**  
Henrik pressed the answer button and placed the phone on speaker.

  
**“Hello?”**  
**“Hello. Is this Henrik Hanssen?”**  
**“Speaking. May I ask who this is?”**  
**“My name is Darke. I'm a detective and I urgently need your help.”**  
**“Oh?”**  
**“I know where Asta is being taken.”**  
Henrik observed Roxanna's elevated mood. He shared the same feeling.  
“ **You do?”**  
**“Yes. Time is of the essence. We have to catch up with them.”**  
Roxanna had a sinister feeling about all this. There was a good chance that this Darke was the kidnapper.  
“ **How can we trust you, Mr Darke?”**  
**“I understand your scepticism, Miss MacMillan, but I know that you both care about her deeply. To help her, you have to help me.”**  
Roxanna nodded at Henrik. Darke may have new information regarding Asta's final location.  
“ **Very well, Mr Darke. You have our full cooperation.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
**“Whereabouts, are you?”**  
**“I'm on the motorway, in a layby. Black Audi, MM61 AJL. There is a services opposite me.”**  
**“We'll meet you there.”**  
**“I look forward to it.”**  
.....  
Asta sat in silence, her mind tirelessly working to try and understand his agenda.  
What on earth was he playing at?  
Drugging her and putting her in a vulnerable position?  
They were trapped in gridlock, with queues a mile long.  
He sounded the horn in anger.  
“ **FUCKING TRAFFIC!”**  
The outburst shook Asta. She knew that he was going far beyond salvation. But she wouldn't give up on him.  
“ **Excuse me?”**  
**“What is it?”**  
He snapped back at her. It wasn’t her fault. The fact that they had been waiting for an hour and hadn't moved an inch rose the tension even higher.  
**“Where are you taking me?”**  
**“Nowhere, at the minute.”**  
The sharpness was continuously present. He lacked feeling, emotion.  
**“I don’t know what I'm worrying about. They will never catch me.”**  
The arrogance ran powerfully through his voice.  
“ **Who won't?”**  
**“The police.”**  
**“No one has called the police. I haven't.”**  
**“I know you haven't.”**  
He grabbed her phone and showed it to her.  
“ **Because you're a good girl.”**  
He threw the phone casually on the front passenger seat.  
“ **And, if you know what's good for you, you wouldn’t dare to try and get it back.”**  
The undertone of menace was unreal. Her heart was in her mouth. What would he do if she tried?  
Beat her?  
Rape her?  
She couldn't take the risk. For now, she had to do what he said and sit tight.

  
It seemed like forever but, at last, the traffic eased up and they were on their way.  
Asta's stomach was in agony. She was so ravenous. Surely, he wouldn’t let her starve?  
“ **Are you hungry, Asta?”**  
Asta was starting to get unnerved. His tone changed to soft spoken, warm and kind. She was surprised she didn't turn into a nervous wreck.  
“ **Yes**.”  
“ **Alright. We'll stop at services and I'll buy you something to eat.”**  
**“Thanks.”**  
As they entered services, Asta noted a free phone on one of the food outlets.  
_I need to call Henrik._  
He drove the car into a parking space close to the outlet. He turned to Asta.  
“ **I'm going to get food for you. You are going to stay put. If I return, and you're not here...”**  
He grasped her blouse and pulled her close, staring her straight in the eye.  
“ **I will hunt you down. Understand?”**  
**“I do.”**  
**“Good.”**  
He released Asta from his grip and proceeded to get out the car. As soon as the coast was clear, Asta got out and rushed towards the phone. She dialled Henrik's number.  
**RING. RING.**  
**“Come on, Henrik. Please.”**  
“ _ **Hello**_?”  
“ **Roxanna?”**  
“ _ **Asta! Thank God you're safe.”**_  
**“I'm so glad to hear your voice again.”**  
“ _ **And I’m glad to hear yours. We've both been so worried about you.”**_  
Asta was so relieved. However, time was running out.  
_**“Are you alright, Asta?”**_  
**“Yes, I'm alright. Just a little shaken.”**  
“ _ **Where are they taking you?”**_  
**“I haven't a clue. I'm scared, Rox.”**  
Emotion flowed through her voice. She was terrified.  
_**“Have they harmed you?”**_  
**“No. Not yet.”**  
**_“Who is it, Asta?”_**  
Asta peeked through the window. He had finished and was making his way towards the door.

  
**“Rox, I have to go. I dread to think what he'll do to me when he sees that I'm on the phone.”**  
_**“Asta, where are you?”**_  
“ **I'm in services. There's a café, a KFC and a McDonalds. I've been unconscious for most of the journey, so I can't tell you more than that.”**  
Asta paused and saw him standing next to her.  
“ **Oh no.”**  
_**“Asta? Is he there? ASTA!”**_  
The phone went dead.  
.....  
Roxanna stared at the phone in shock. What will he do to her now?  
**“It's dead, Henrik.”**  
Her eyes started to water.  
“ **At least we know she's alive.”**  
**“For now.”**  
Roxanna leant her head against the window.  
The car journey from then on was in silence. Neither of them knew what to say. Guilt plagued her thoughts. If she hadn't have answered, she wouldn’t have put Asta's life at risk. Then again, she wouldn’t have known that she was alright.  
An hour passed, and Henrik couldn't bear it anymore.  
“ **Roxanna.”**  
**“Hmm?”**  
**“Asta is a strong woman.”**  
**“She is. I just wish I could get hold of John.”**  
**“Essie told me that he was ill.”**  
Roxanna shot a puzzling look at Henrik.  
“ **But John doesn’t get sick.”**  
**“I know.”**  
**“She wouldn't be lying, would she?”**  
**“No, it's not in her to lie.”**  
Roxanna turned back to the window. In the horizon, she could see a black Audi.  
“ **Henrik, that's his car.”**  
**“It certainly looks like it.”**  
Turning the wheel, the Jag moved into the lay by, parking itself behind the Audi.  
Darke was leaning against the body, having a drag of his cigarette.  
Henrik and Roxanna got out the car and walked towards him.  
“ **Ah, Mr Hanssen. Miss MacMillan.”**  
**“Mr Darke.”**  
Roxanna found the green emeralds very beautiful as Mr Darke addressed her.

“ **Please come into the car. I’ve got something to show you.”**  
He pulled the door open for Roxanna to get into the back. Henrik went around to the front passenger door and entered the car.  
**“What is he going to show us?”**  
Roxanna whispered, not wanting Darke to overhear. She was apprehensive towards him. For all she knew, he could have had Asta drugged and unconscious in his boot and they would be none the wiser.  
**“I don’t know. Perhaps something regarding Asta’s movements.”**  
Darke opened his door and slid into the car.  
**“Miss MacMillan, would you mind passing me my tablet?”**  
Roxanna was impressed as to how clean and immaculate the car was. There were no crumbs, no mess anywhere.  
“ **Miss MacMillan?”**  
**“Sorry. Where is it?”**  
**“It’s right beside you.”**  
Roxanna’s cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. Darke was probably thinking what a dumb woman.  
The tablet case was black leather, with what was presumed to be his initials engraved on the front. She lifted it carefully from the seat beside her and passed it on to him.  
**“Thank you.”**  
The lid was unfolded, and the tablet was pulled out.  
Darke tapped the screen a few times and brought up the route Asta was on.  
He showed them the end location.  
**“That’s where he’s taking her.”**  
…..  
Asta woke up on the backseat. Her head was hurting like crazy. The dull ache resonated throughout her brain. She felt nauseous.  
He must have knocked me out.  
On the floor was a bottle of water, paracetamol and her lunch. It was a cheese and ham toastie. The smell was so good, it made her drool just looking at it. She unscrewed the lid and took the tablets. It was so refreshing to have a drink. Her mouth was ever so dry.  
She grabbed the toastie and wolfed it down. She was so happy to finally have food. Her hunger was satisfied.  
“ **You’re such a good girl, Asta. So kind, so sweet. Why ruin our precious time together by calling for help?”**  
His voice was child-like and soft. Shivers coursed all the way through her body.  
“People are worried about me.”  
**“Why? You’re perfectly safe.**  
**“Have you had your meds?”**  
**“No. They’re fucking useless. You are my medicine. The antidote to this festering poison in my mind. My light to help me find my way through the darkness. I won’t let them take you away from me. I WON’T!”**  
Without his medication, he was highly unstable and extremely dangerous. She had to keep him calm at all times.  
**“Yes. I knew from when we first met, we were destined to be together. Two hearts beating as one. My light. My everlasting light. Such a good girl. Such a sweet girl. Poison. Poison. Poison running through my veins. The darkness, the eternal darkness. My darling Asta. Sweet Asta. No one will hurt you again, my love. I’m here now. It’s going to be ok.”**  
Her ears pricked up. She heard a low rumbling noise and jets taking off.  
**“We’re here, my love.”**  
Asta stared at the sign as they moved into the car park.  
**‘Holby Airport.’**  
…..  
Both the Audi and the Jaguar were tearing it down the motorway, engines going at full throttle.  
At one point, Roxanna smelt burning rubber coming from the tyres.  
She was finding it difficult to not be sick. Of course, Henrik weaving it and out of the lanes didn’t help.  
She caught a brief glimpse of the sign.  
_Be patient, Asta. We’re nearly there._  
She glanced at Henrik. It was hard not to notice the fury and fear in his eyes.  
**“Why in hell’s name would he take her there?”**  
**“He’s leaving the country, Henrik. And taking Asta with him.”**  
**“No one can escape justice, Roxanna. Not even him.”**  
In the distance, the control tower was emerging into sight. The end was near. They hunted frantically for a parking bay. After finding it, they jumped out of the car.  
**“Henrik.”**  
Henrik followed Roxanna’s gaze, which led him to a Volvo.  
_His Volvo._  
**“Come on.”**  
Henrik took the lead, with Darke and Roxanna following close behind.

  
Their sprint led them to the check- in desks.  
The place was heaving with people escaping the dark, dreary place to sunnier, happy climates. It was like searching for a blue needle in a haystack. Roxanna and Darke searched the left of the foyer but it proved fruitless. Henrik was looking over the right and saw a blue – haired woman with a walking stick, holding onto a dark-haired man.  
**“I see her!”**  
Both Roxanna and Darke dashed towards Henrik and they found her too. She was at the check – in desk for flights going to Norway.  
“ **ASTA!”**  
She heard her name being called. Out the corner of her eye, she saw Henrik and Roxanna eagerly rushing towards her.  
“ **Come, my love.”**  
A new start was waiting for both of them. He wasn’t going to let anyone stop him. It was the only way they would be together.  
Asta froze on the spot. He stood beside her and placed his hand around her waist. He would fight to keep her with him. Henrik was surprised by the sheer nerve of his actions. Roxanna held his hand, knowing that he had to get Asta away from him.  
**“Hello, John.”**


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Asta's life is threatened, Henrik, along with Roxanna and Darke, try to bring John back from the brink. But is he willing to listen?

John snarled at them, clutching Asta closely to his chest. She was his mate and he saw them as a threat to their peaceful and content life.  
Henrik and Roxanna perceived that the psychosis had John under its full control.  
Henrik let Roxanna’s hand go and treaded steadily towards John.  
**“John, let her go. This has to end. People have died, their families are suffering.”**  
He noticed that he was using the same tone of voice when he talked to Fredrik.  
**“No. You’re not taking her away from me!”**  
John’s gaze then concentrated on Roxanna, which made her very restless.  
**“I’m amazed you’re still with us, Rox. I was so certain that you would die.”**  
It suddenly occurred to them.  
The wrath was beginning to boil Henrik’s blood. His hands drew into fists, draining his knuckles of colour.  
**“You tried to kill her?!”**  
**“She realised the full extent of my crimes. She had to be stopped.”**  
Roxanna shook her head in disbelief.  
Asta saw John from a different perspective. Not the husband she loved, but a lunatic. A demented creature who did everything he could to keep his life harmonious, killing those who stood in his way.  
**“John, please let me go.”**  
**“Don’t listen to him, Asta. He’s trying to deceive you, trying to paint me in a bad light.** ”  
Roxanna sensed Henrik’s resentment. Asta’s life was in peril and he had to make his move carefully.

  
**“YOU NEED TO FACE UP TO WHAT YOU’VE DONE!”**  
Henrik unbottled his fury, stunning the room into silence.  
“ **And leave Asta exposed to the lecherous, filthy animals that lust after her? I would rather perish.”**  
**“Oh, believe me, John. That can be arranged!** ”  
His voice trembled. He was repulsed by John’s lack of regard towards life.  
_Time for me to play my card._  
**“Asta won’t be safe with you, John. She knows about the trial and what happened at St Helena’s. We all do.”**  
**“No. NO, YOU’RE LYING!”.**  
John’s emotions were emerging from within. All his lies, the false tales he told, were unravelling before him.  
He grasped Asta by her shoulders.  
**“It’s not true. TELL ME IT’S NOT TRUE.”**  
The tears fell, leaving their salty presence on his rugged, weary face.  
“ **I’m sorry, John.”**  
He recoiled in shock. He failed to hide the truth from her.

  
John stormed off, unable to take in the revelation. His body proceeded to convulse. Falling to his knees, he whimpered softly before bawling loudly. The people stood there and watched. They didn’t know what to do.  
**“Asta, forgive me. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”**  
Roxanna hurried over to Asta and embraced her with open arms. She was so delighted that Asta was not harmed.  
As she released Asta, she discovered that she was staring at John.  
_**‘Passengers boarding the flight to Oslo, the gate will open in 35 minutes.’**_  
Asta slowly made her way towards John and kneeled beside him.  
She took him into her loving arms, combing his hair with her fingers. He rested his head on her chest, just to hear her heartbeat syncing with his.  
**“Oh, John. Why did you do it?”**  
Her voice was melancholic. She was trying to seek a reason of what made him walk the path obscured in shadow.  
John lifted his head.  
**“I wanted to cure Lana and you. I felt your pain, your suffering. It was so unbearable. When I found you in the bath fully submerged, I thought you were gone.”**  
A few months after their wedding, the chronic pain in her leg drove Asta mad. She was in permanent agony as the medication the doctor prescribed didn’t even scratch the surface. There was only so much she could bear. She wandered upstairs to run herself a bath. She grabbed the blueberry and apple bubble bath and generously poured it into the running water.  
The relentless torment. What else could she do?  
John cried out her name when he returned from work. Suspecting that something was wrong, he charged up the stairs to the bathroom when he discovered her, fully clothed, under the water.  
A few more minutes and her life would have ended.

 **“And the patients at St Helena’s?”**  
**“Those bastards ruined your life, and they showed no remorse for it. So, I responded in kind. To get justice for you, my love.”**  
Asta understood his reasoning but the methods he used to carry it out were immoral and disgraceful.  
He killed people for her sake.  
**“John, look at me.”**  
He buried his head further into her blouse. She felt his tears soaking through.  
**“Please, John.”**  
John raised his head to meet her eyes. She joined her hand with his, holding it tightly to her heart.  
**“This ends today. You have to give yourself up.** ”  
John’s voice quivered with sorrow.  
**“I can’t. I don’t want us to be apart. I want us to be together forever. I don’t want to leave you.”**  
Darke glanced at the door. Blue lights illuminated the hall. Someone from the check in desk called them, fearing for the public’s safety.

  
**“The police are here.”**  
John shivered in Asta’s arms. He knew this had to end one way or the other. Asta got up, clutching his hand.  
“ **John.”**  
He rose, following her lead. As she faced away from him, he drew out a weapon and held it against her back.  
**“John, what are you doing?!”**  
**“Stay still, my love. I won’t let it end this way.”**  
**“What are you talking about?”**  
Henrik saw John grinning like a Cheshire cat. He had a trick up his sleeve.  
**“John, stop this madness. The police can help you.”**  
**“What?! For them to put me in a psych ward again?! THEY CAN FUCK OFF.”**  
Asta was paralysed, dreading what John was holding against her.  
**“John, you’re scaring me.”**  
He came closer to her, his lips caressing her neck. His other hand held her waist, restricting her movement.  
**“It’s ok, my sweet girl. We won’t miss our flight.”**  
**CLICK.**  
Asta’s heart was severely palpitating. She grew pale, the colour escaping from her face.

  
A gun.

  
John pointed the weapon in the air and fired a shot.  
**BANG!**  
Henrik, Roxanna and Darke all jumped out of their skin.  
**“JOHN, WHAT THE FUCK?!”**  
It never crossed Henrik’s mind that John was the type to bear arms.  
There was a mad dash to the entrance. People were fleeing for their lives, hoping to not get caught in the crossfire.  
The five of them were the only ones left. Henrik, Roxanna and Darke found themselves staring down the barrel.  
Asta’s fear was radiating off her.  
**“John, put the gun down. Can’t you see she’s afraid of you?”**  
Roxanna couldn’t take in the fact that John was holding his own wife hostage.  
**“Don’t be silly. It’s just nerves, isn’t it, Asta? You know I would never hurt you, my angel.** ”  
There was a lump in her throat. She couldn’t disagree with him. Words deserted her. She just wanted this ordeal to end.  
“ **Asta.”**  
The soft voice had a slight hint of ill omen. She had to say something.  
“ **Yes, it’s just nerves.”**  
She was trembling, but John held her steady. She felt that her legs would collapse from under her.  
**“Asta, he has a gun!”**  
John kissed Asta’s cheek, using her face as a guide to reach her lips.  
The adrenaline was forcing its way through his body. He wanted Asta more than ever. The fear in her eyes, her heart beating non-stop. It aroused him immensely. The love he had for her knew no bounds.  
**“Do you think this is nice, Asta? Our friends waving us off?”**  
**“Yes, it’s v-very nice.”**  
**“Well, I love to stay and chat, but we’ve got a plane to catch.”**

  
John, along with Asta, reversed slowly, keeping an eye on the three to make sure they didn’t pull any tricks.  
Roxanna had had enough. She would attempt to save Asta or die trying.  
She lunged towards John, who aimed the gun at her heart.  
**“JOHN, NO!”**  
**BANG!**  
Roxanna fell to the floor. Blood was erupting from her arm, staining her baby-blue blouse. Thanks to Asta’s intervention, the bullet’s trajectory was diverged away from her internal organs. Her face was pale as a sheet.  
**“ROXANNA!”**  
John gripped Asta’s wrist and escaped. In the confusion, Asta’s walking stick was left on the floor. She was now completely defenceless.  
Darke and Henrik sprinted to Roxanna’s side.  
Her left arm was covered in blood, forming a crimson lake under her hand.  
“ **You’ll be alright, min älskade.”**  
Henrik removed his tie and tightened it around her arm to cease the blood flow.  
**“Get after him. For Asta’s sake.”**  
**“I’m not leaving you, Roxanna.** ”  
He cradled her face with both hands and planted a kiss on her forehead.  
“ **You shan’t die on me again, Miss Macmillan.”**  
They shared a knowing smile.  
**“Go, Henrik. I’ll look after her.”**  
**“Thank you, Mr Darke. Keep her safe for me.”**  
**“I will.”**  
Henrik kissed her again, then went off after John.  
….  
**“Stupid old bitch. Why didn’t she stay still?”**  
**“She was just trying to help me, John.”**  
**“You. Don’t need. Any. Help.”**  
They were resting in the shopping district in the airport. Asta noticed the wildness in John’s eyes. He was fully deranged. He was standing while she sat on a bench, resting her leg.  
“ **I won’t let them take me away. Without you, my love, I’m nothing. A black hole. A being devoid of existence. You have my heart and I have yours. We are one and the same. Bathe me in your glow. Aid me in ridding my mind of this putrid venom. Oh, Asta. My darling. I never wanted to involve you in this, but they forced me. They were going to separate us. Darkness and Light. How ironic. Your name means of divine strength. And how divine you are. I will kill us both together if I have to. But not now. Once you’ve rested, my sweet, we’ll be on our way.”**  
**“Is it true?”**  
**“About what, my angel?”**  
John moved towards her and knelt in front of her, clenching her hands in his.

  
**“About Meena. That you drove her to suicide?** ”  
John looked down at the floor. To Asta, the silence spoke volumes.  
It was intolerable for her to even be near him.  
**“What the hell possessed you, John?”**  
Asta had to reign in her emotions as it could make the situation worse. John looked at her vacantly.  
**“She broke into my lab and discovered that the implant was to blame. I couldn’t let her get away with it.”**  
**“And that was grounds for nearly strangling her to death, was it?!** ”  
Asta hobbled around, trying to not let her emotions get the better of her. John placed himself on the bench. He was distraught. Meena was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He should have helped her. But he lost control.  
**“When I found out she killed herself, I felt absolutely wretched. I didn’t attend her funeral. I couldn’t. The guilt would have been too much.”**  
**“Because I know about what you’ve done, are you going to shoot me?”**  
John looked at her, mouth wide open. He was taken aback. He walked towards her.

  
**“No. No, I wouldn’t dream of it. You mean everything to me, Asta.”**  
He brushed the side of her hair back, resting his hand on her cheek.  
**“You are my salvation. You’re the only one that can ease my pain.”**  
He smiled at her. He wanted her to believe in him again, to put all of this behind them.  
**“I can’t go with you, John.”**  
His cheery expression fell quickly.  
“ **What did you say?”**  
It broke her heart to even think it.  
**“I’m not going. None of this is right. Justice needs to be served.”**  
John placed the gun on her right temple.  
**“Kill me, if you must. But it won’t make your crimes go away.”**  
John’s finger was hovering over the trigger. The very thought of her dying at his hand sent shivers down his spine. He would never forgive himself if he shot her. Perhaps, she was right.

  
**RUMBLE.**  
Thunder.  
The torrential rain was battering the roof.  
**“JOHN!”**  
Henrik came flying around the corner and immediately stopped in his tracks, gasping for breath. He really needed to get into shape.  
It was a 3-way standoff. Hopefully no more blood would be shed.  
**“How could you, John?”**  
**He nearly lost another loved one because of him.**  
**“Don’t move, Henrik or I’ll shoot her.”**  
**“You won’t, John. You love her too much.”**  
John never took his eyes off Asta.  
How could he even think of killing her, after everything she did for him?  
He lowered the gun away from her head.  
**“Forgive me, Asta. You know, you were both right.”**  
Henrik and Asta looked at each other, wearing quizzical expressions.  
It then hit Asta.  
**“The oxygen tubes.”**  
Henrik gave John a filthy glare.  
His blood started to boil again.  
**“You should have seen her, Henrik. Fighting for her life as she was being choked.** ”  
Asta unrestrained her emotions, notably her anger.  
“ **YOU MADE ME DOUBT MY OWN MEMORY!”**  
She held back her tears.  
Henrik was silent. His hands were shaking. He was deeply incensed. Try as he might, he couldn’t suppress it. John had crossed a line.  
**“YOU BASTARD!”**

  
Henrik launched himself towards John, sending him flying.  
“ **YOU ARE A FUCKING TWAT!”**  
He held John down and used his head as a punch bag. Blood was raining everywhere. Teeth flew out. Henrik’s hands were starting to get stained. A spurt of rouge came from John’s nose, covering Henrik’s best shirt. Asta knew that, in the state Henrik was in, he wouldn’t think twice about killing John.  
“Henrik!”  
It fell on deaf ears. The temper had him in its thrall.  
“ **HENRIK!”**  
He managed to snap himself out of his berserker fury.  
He turned to Asta.  
“ **Please, Henrik. Don’t hurt him anymore.”**  
Henrik did as she asked and got off of John. He kicked the gun towards her.  
He gazed at John. He could hardly recognise him. If it wasn’t for Asta, he would have killed him there and then. John looked horrific. Split lip, black eye, bloodied broken nose, loose teeth. The force that Henrik summoned to knock him broke a few ribs.  
He tried to stand, but his legs were shaking violently. Henrik’s well-aimed right hook landed fully on his ear, leaving him disoriented.  
Asta ran to him for support.  
**“John.”**  
He could hardly see Asta, but he knew that she was there.  
Enough was enough.  
**“I am truly sorry for everything I put you through, Asta. It was for us. For you to be cured.”**  
**“I understand, John. But I can’t forgive you for trying to kill Rox and harming me. Maybe, in time, you will have my forgiveness. But not now.”**  
**“I know, my love.”**  
**“Professor Gaskell?”**

  
An armed unit came charging through, moving as one mass. They surrounded them, blocking every escape.  
The game was up.  
The leader came towards him. She lifted her visor, so she could see more clearly. Asta handed her the gun.  
**“Professor John Gaskell, I’m arresting you on charges of medical negligence, attempted murder and GBH involving a firearm. You do not have to say anything but anything you do say will be taken as evidence that could be held against you. Do you understand?”**  
John looked at her with weary eyes.  
**“I understand.”**  
**“Alright. Let’s go.”**  
She ordered the unit to stand down. She placed handcuffs on him and led him off to the entrance, with Asta and Henrik behind them.  
**“It’s all over, Henrik.”**  
**“At last. The patients, and Roxanna, will finally get justice.”**  
**“I’m glad.”**  
Henrik placed his hand on Asta’s shoulder and set off towards the entrance.

  
Outside, the storm had started to pass. The clouds were breaking apart to let the sun shine through. Roxanna and Darke were in the ambulance. She was out for the count as the paramedics gave her a sedative.  
Darke came out to greet them.  
**“The paramedic said that she’s going to be alright. Thankfully, the bullet missed the main artery.** ”  
Henrik wrapped Asta in a shock blanket and handed her walking stick to her. As he went in to comfort Roxanna when she regained consciousness, Asta looked on, seeing John get into the police car. The unit leader came over to her.  
**“He wants to speak to you.”**  
She thought Asta was the bravest woman she had ever seen.  
**“I’m on my way.”**  
Asta trudged towards the car, still shaken about what had happened.  
The leader took Asta’s hand and placed her arm around her waist, to prevent Asta from collapsing.  
The window was open. John had his hand ready to hold hers.  
**“Yes, John?”**  
**“Whatever happens to me, Asta, never forget that I love you.”**  
A stray tear escaped from his eye. He gave her a pearly white smile that she reciprocated.  
**“I love you, John. But it will take time for me to recover from this.”**  
**“I know.”**

  
She leaned into the car and kissed him passionately, uncertain of when they would meet again.  
John inhaled her scent and locked it in his memory. The gorgeous smell of blueberry, rose and pear.  
The closing window halted their union. She moved her head back and rested her hand on the window pane.  
John aligned his hand with hers, mouthing the words ‘ **Wait for me.’**  
Asta nodded, promising herself that she will.  
The police car then drove off on a journey to deliver John to his fate.  
The ambulance followed closely behind, taking Roxanna and Henrik to the hospital.  
Darke stood by Asta, watched the vehicles disappear in the distance.  
**“So, what are you going to do now?”**  
**“First of all, I’m going to operate on Miss Naylor to remove the neoconduit. After that, I’m going home on compassionate leave, if HR will let me. I need time to heal.”**  
**“Of course. Would you like me to drive you back to Holby?”**  
**“That would be great.”**  
Darke carefully escorted Asta to his car.  
Before she got in, she felt the sun’s rays bathing her in its warmth.  
At last, John could have peace.


	25. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after Gaskell's trial, the hospital staff come together for a wedding, while Asta reflects on recent events.

The church was bursting at the seams. Everyone was so excited to see the bride. Sacha was up at the front as he was best man. The hospital had come so far since last year. With the strength and guidance the staff gained from one another, the hospital was gradually healing. Everyone was quiet as the door opened.  
**“Please stand.”**  
The congregation did as the priest instructed, apart from Jac. She owed Asta a huge debt. After John’s arrest, Asta was the only one who could operate on her. She found out what the neoconduit was made out of and provided an antidote. The main thing was that she was alive, albeit in a wheelchair and laid off for a few months. Canon in D Major erupted from the pipes of the organ as the bride made her way down with Dom, who offered as her father wasn’t here. Her mother would have been so proud.  
Emma came out in her flower girl dress, dropping petals behind her. The bride was dazzling in white. Her bouquet was composed of white and pink roses. Her dress had a white corset with lace for sleeves. She had no veil as she wanted her husband – to – be to look at her as they became man and wife.  
Asta was near the front, along with Darke. Seeing her coming down the aisle reminded her of her own wedding and her happiness with John. That happiness was still within her but the dark cloud of the outcome of the trial clouded it.

  
At the trial, the public were outraged of how he got away with it for so long. Because of the nature of his crimes, it was broadcasted live. Asta was there, along with family and friends. The judge labelled John a cold-hearted murderer with no regard for human life. The court heard how the CEO ordered a detective to investigate. John flew into a rage, calling Miss Tate a slag and that she was no better a CEO than Henrik. They also heard about Asta and how John wanted to cure her of her pain. It took them only an hour to deliberate.  
They found John guilty of all charges. Asta burst into tears, saying that John only wanted to help. Darke embraced her, telling her that it would be alright.  
The judge declared that, if it wasn’t for compassionate reasons, she would have given him life with no chance of parole. She sentenced him to 12 years in a psychiatric hospital. John then kicked off, shouting, swearing and screaming, saying that he couldn’t bear to be apart from Asta for that long. He put up violent resistance. He punched one guard in the teeth and kicked the other in the jewels. He then attempted to climb up to Asta, in order to hold her one last time, but the court doctor gave him a sedative to calm him down. Asta promised that she would see him when she could.  
A tear fell from her eye as the bride passed her. How beautiful she looked. The groom turned towards her and remarked on how stunning she look. As they were standing at the altar, the bride passed her bouquet to Emma, who smiled as her mother took her picture.  
**“You look ravishing, Roxanna.”**  
**“You look wonderful too, Henrik.”**  
They held each other’s hands as they faced the priest. Henrik was wearing a grey suit and waistcoat, blue tie and a white rose for his buttonhole.  
**“I see the old Doc Martens have made an appearance.”**  
He whispered.

  
Roxanna thought it best to wear them as they didn’t pinch like other shoes and for them to reminisce of old times.  
As Henrik and Roxanna said their vows, there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd. They reflected on the poignancy of the vows, about the struggles they faced and how they can look to a better future. The crowd all cheered when the priest announced them as Mr and Mrs Hanssen.  
At the reception at Albie’s, Henrik made a passionate of how Roxanna helped him through the tough times of his life and that, if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be here. He made a toast to the most wonderful woman in the entire world.  
The food at the reception was a mixture of traditional Swedish and English food. The cake was red velvet and Victoria sponge covered in vanilla icing and decorated with Swedish flags and pink Doc Marten decorations.  
Their first dance was to ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ by Elvis as it was the same song that Roxanna’s parents danced to.  
Dom and Lofty had too many cocktails and ended up drunk kissing in the cloakroom. It would have gone further if Sacha hadn’t disturbed them, saying that if they wanted to make love, they should wait until their own wedding.

  
Asta felt lost in a room full of couples. Fletch was holding Jac’s arms and swaying with her to the music. Sacha was doing dad dancing while Essie, drunk on 3 glasses of wine, was applauding him before joining in.  
**“Would you like a dance, Asta?”**  
She turned sideways and saw Darke holding out his hand to her.  
“ **No. I couldn’t.”**  
She didn’t feel in the mood to dance with anyone so soon after the trial.  
**“John wouldn’t have wanted you to be left out.”**  
She conceded on that. At every opportunity, John would turn the radio up and danced with her in the kitchen. What she wouldn’t give to go back to those halcyon memories.  
**“Alright.”**  
Asta took Darke’s hand as he escorted her to the dancefloor. He wrapped his left arm around her waist while holding her hand. They danced in a way that was fluid and beautiful to watch. It was clear to Asta that Darke had done this before.  
**“You look beautiful, Asta.”**  
**“Thank you.”**  
He drew her closer to him, so that his breath was on her lips.  
Asta was flattered by this, but it was too soon. She gently pushed him back.  
**“I’m sorry. It’s just…”**  
**“No need to explain, Asta. I understand.”**  
**“I just need some space, that’s all.”**  
**“Of course.”**  
**“I’m going back home to work at a hospital in Reykjavik. I can’t sit and do nothing. I promised I’d wait for him. And that’s what I intend to do.”**  
**“If you need a hand with anything, you have my number.”**  
**“Yes, thank you.”**  
**“You know I care about you as a friend."**  
**“I do."**  
Her head was ruling her heart. She saw attractive qualities in Darke, but her heart belonged to John. She couldn’t betray him. It would send him over the edge.  
She didn’t know what the future held for her. She would wait as long as it would take. Then, finally, her and John will be reunited.


End file.
